AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

But he’s just said, they’re going in a ride on Friday and apparently it’s “our turn”’ (ie me) to host when they return.

This is the unreasonable bit. And I honestly don’t understand why you go along with it. This would merit all of a ‘right, well you’d best make sure you’ve got the things you’ll want in for this maximum six people socially distanced in the garden thing then’

I’m curious about why he can’t make his own muesli bars. Are you his cook?

• Even if it were true when people refer to MAMIL, what people choose to wear whilst cycling is really nobodies concern. If replica kit offends you so much, maybe just look in the other direction. Lycra is standard cycle wear for a very good reason.

Usual MN double standards. Woe betide any man who might comment on what a woman chooses to wear but the other way round it's completely fair game.*

Jeesh maybe you've been cycling to much & need to unclench a tad. You're the one on the defensive. If I see a man or women in a neon all in one it doesn't offend me & I'm not going to laugh at them. However MAMIL is a thing & a stereotype for a reason.

@BusyProcrastinator I wonder if the OP likes to bake, and it’s simply that he’s asked her - when she’s baking anyway - to (please) make muesli bars. OP has a banana and yoghurt cake recipe. I, do not. I am not a regular baker - that makes her sound like she is. I would say to my husband, “oooh, could you make your curry tonight?” because he likes to cook. “My” curry recipe would be a google result.

Context is everything.

I can’t tell from this whether he’s just asked the self appointed happy baker to add muesli bars to this week’s creations - or has been an utter dick thumping down his fist and demanding them 🤷🏻‍♀️

You clearly need to change your social circle then.

I can't really swap my neighbours or family no matter how hard I would like.

I am a member of a women's cycle club (who all wear lycra when on bikes).

and?

My partners family are very into cycling and no one I know wears lycra when not cycling

Why are you telling me this?

"Jeesh maybe you've been cycling to much & need to unclench a tad."

Maybe i'm not even a cyclist, but can see a bunch of hypocrites when i see them.

@BoingBoingyBoing explain how I'm a hypocrite?

I also find the big groups out on their rides taking half the road and not seemingly giving a toss about motorists very annoying. I don't care what they wear but appreciate lycra shorts/bottoms are probably needed for distance cycling but I do think they look ridiculous in their bright tour de france gear with branding all over.

There always seems to be threads on this and what I do feel is that the OPs are 'moaning' but not doing anything about it. If you find it boring that he talks about it all time then shut him down with a 'great, now I really must be doing xyz', just don't engage in the conversation. If you are 'catering' for him and his group then more fool you - just why? if it's his turn to have the group back then it's HIS turn. If you feel awkward just be out when they get back on Friday, personally I would be sitting down reading having a cup of tea!

@Ellisandra claireb707 thank you ! I was pretty pleased too. Admittedly it was slightly wind assisted but I was really pushing myself the whole way 😁 I couldn't speak for about five minutes when I got home -nor get off the bike 🤣🤣

But he’s just said, they’re going in a ride on Friday and apparently it’s “our turn”’ (ie me) to host when they return. not sure who posted this but I would be conveniently out if I were you ! That's bang out of order of him.

Yes it probably is my issue to a large extent, but obviously, if all these other wives (whosoever they may be) make them lunch, then I feel as if I would be rude not to do the same and I feel like I can’t really be “off” with DH like that in these circumstances because he might take it’s if I’m being antisocial or begrudge him, or I’m annoyed with him in general. Also they’ve been before quite a few times in various combinations and they are nice people and they’re his friends, I guess.

Wow so typical xomemoan about something but wont change anything so if that's the case OP then quit moaning and if you wont then change the situation

Slightly off topic but why is it that people wearing normal clothes do not ride three abreast and get in my way when I’m attempting to drive somewhere? I live on the coast and the Lycra buggers are everywhere, and I’ll get stuck behind them on winding coastal roads for miles (tried gently honking but they give no shits). If a car is coming stop riding next to your mates, people plan car commuting etc based on how long it takes to drive, not how long it takes at biking speed!

You’re scaring me, OP. My DH has just borrowed my bike instead of going for his usual run. I told him he’d better not turn into a MAMIL!

Also, I do go on the bike with him sometimes, but what puts me off cycling is the traffic. If there were clear roads, I’d love it. When I go, we just go to Richmond Park but it’s usually rammed with cyclists and there’s a quite steep hill there with loads of bends that they fly down, even though the speed limit is 20 because of the deer, and I just find it quite scary, if I’m honest.

Yes let's now turn this into a cycling bashing thread.

Cycling aside
I can’t get past the fact that you and all the other stepford wives do the hosting
But hardly anyone else has mentioned it so just be me
But like with everything else in life, each to their own

It’s nice to do things for your partner (if it’s reciprocated!) so I’m certainly not going to shout down the idea of you making lunch.
But you can say no.
Or serve something simple (soup, bread, cold meat platter - all that he has shopped for).

But it’s really not clear what’s going on here. I can’t talk if he’s The Big I Am treating you like a housekeeper, or someone whose wife doesn’t know how to speak up and who would be mortified to know she hated doing it.

It sounds like he's only taking about it with friends. Personally I'd say as long as he isn't talking your ear off nor refusing to spend any time with you in favour of cycling, it's perfectly fine.

Bit cheeky you all you to make the muesli bars though. Offer to show him how to do it once then leave him to it?

brakethree i think there should be a maximum limit of 4 cyclists or horse riders or walkers allowed in a group on the road. If they HAVE to cycle or ride or walk in bigger groups, at least leave 3 or 4 cars lengths between the groups of 4 so drivers have more opportunity to pass! It would lessen the road rage towards other road users considerably

My husband is into painting miniature models. It seems dreadfully tedious to me but I make a point once or twice a week of asking him which models he's working on or going over and praising his painting. Takes all of five mins to make him feel appreciated and supported, and he died the same for my hobbies. It can be a bit of a bore when our mutual friends come around and just want to talk minis, but I just find something else to do.

On the other hand, this is way cheaper than cycling and he's never asked me to play host or anything. If they all come round just for gaming I let them get on with it and only join for dinner, which he cooks.

@MostlyHappyMummy I only know one Stepford Wife. She doesn’t work, has a wealthy husband and bloody loves catering his social gatherings. Enjoys have no responsibilities - her view - and being praised by all for her wonderful cakes. Wouldn’t suit me, but she’s happy as they come! She does see it as part of the trade off for not working.

@tubbatops

You clearly need to change your social circle then.

I can't really swap my neighbours or family no matter how hard I would like.

I am a member of a women's cycle club (who all wear lycra when on bikes).

and?

My partners family are very into cycling and no one I know wears lycra when not cycling

Why are you telling me this?

I apologise, I misread what you had typed....

I used to feel like that as did my friends now we go out to cycle and ensure we too have a fun weekend away together (not cycling though). Have got on dhs turbo myself and lost 2 stone! Can’t beat em join em.

Sorry ... but I have to say what a ridiculously ignorant (and sexist) title and post. I am a woman and I cycle as much as I can - I love it. I've done long distance tours on my own across much of Europe, Asia and the US. I wear cycling clothing as it would be pretty uncomfortable and impractical to do so wearing anything else - cycling clothes are designed for cycling. As others have said, the pockets alone are useful!

I have seen so much of the world and had amazing experiences through cycling. To me, other forms of travelling just don't compare to it - you see so much and meet so many people when you go by bike. Most weekends I am out exploring my local area. I am really sad every time I hear/read the anti-cycling attitude in the UK - it is something I have not come across in any of the other countries I have cycled in. Seeing as the world is suffering from the effects of pollution and the nhs is overstretched, if nothing else it surprises me that people are so against a form of transport that doesn't pollute and an activity that keeps people fit.

In my day it was golf.