AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

I think it’s a male thing and I am sorry if that sounds like a generalisation, but this is my experience. At dinner parties for instance, it’s always men who see fit to kind of “hold court.” They just talk about themselves as if it’s perfectly natural that everyone will want to listen. Women rarely do this. In DH’s culture, the older men do this all the time - give monologues about everything and anyone at the drop of a hat.

@AuntyFungal

I NEED to know about this banana cake with yoghurt recipe OP

^^

www.jamieoliver.com/features/how-to-make-banana-cake/

I'm sorry you're going through that and it struck a chord of 15years ago. When my husband tried to tell me about his dull niche hobby I gave him a few running commentaries on my activities around the house...e.g. "I'm doing this load of mixed laundry now- I'm using this amount of the X detergent with this amount of X additive and x softener, the fabrics are generally wovens with some jersey knits, they're colourfast though, the timing will be 48 minutes because I've chosen fast load with extra water, I reckon that's 2.5kg dry but it's a 8kg capacity machine"
Him: Why are you telling me this?
"Because you insist on telling me what you do in minute detail and I don't have the luxury of leisure pursuits to bore on about so I'm returning the favour in my own way"
Point made
It was a bit mean because I read and sew - but I don't read and sew aloud in minute detail.

DH is a cyclist, and was long before I met him, he was very, very good when he was younger and competed at national level.

He uses Zwift to race on his Kickr in the garage and then uses Strava when he goes out on the road, he has a group of friends who he goes out with on a Sunday mornings etc and he really enjoys it.

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest, he’s a great husband and Dad, pulls his weight at home etc so it’s all good.

It would be different if he wasn’t supportive or helping out in the home of course.

And came back to mention. Men have far too much leisure time. The number of hobbies men have compared to women! I need to revisit my own resentment but the number of us here being the active full time parent while the DP pursues their own interests! Yeesh!

People need to get over it, really you do.

The lycra is best for those who cycle alot, if you have ever cycled long distance with it and for chafing you know the pain of going to the toilet is something you never want again. Unless you experienced that anyone who says lycra isnt needed can quite frankly fuck off. Putting on lycra doesn't turns person into a bad cyclist they already are with or without it. As for branded ones, so what? What is you problem with them? Just like you can buy clothes in many colours and labels splashed all over so you can with lycra.

So what if they have special shoes, you do realise if you cycle alot and dont you can get muscle imbalance because only the quads get worked out but with clip in shoes you work out the back legs too maintaining muscle balance.

So what if we have a .massive chunky bike locks you do realise a £10 bike lock isnt even going to last 1 sec fo protect your bike from a thief. Why wouldnt you get the right lock to protect a bike you paid lots of money for.

So what if they take energy bars with them, you do realise after 1hr of cycling you need energy and electrolytes.

So what if we have a bike computer

Literally any sport needs equipment and clothing.

Stop moaning about it.

Your problems are about behaviours and attitudes and take away the sport replace it with anything else it would be the same.

But it's easier to blame cycling then admit your men are behaving shitty.

"appropriate clothing for cycling doesn't have to mean looking like a Tour De France extra. No-one in my ballet class wears tights or a tutu & most don't even bother with shoes."

Appropriate, comfortable clothing for road cycling is lycra. If you don't think so, go and ride a bike all day in jeans and report back on how much skin you have lost. In your ballet class do you circle your legs in a repetitive fashion thousands of times?

AuntyFungal - for the fat-free banana bread, you just substitute butter with fat-free Greek yogurt and you can put extras in it like nuts or raisins. Also you can kind of make it up, but I would do something like 1 and half cups of flour, tsp baking powder, quarter cup brown sugar. Then beat 2 eggs, best with the sugar; mash 2 or 3 bananas and half cup of yogurt and just mix it all with a bit of maple syrup and / or vanilla essence / cinnamon / nuts / sultanas and a pinch of salt. You can adapt it to whatever you like, it comes out fine.

@spokeinthewheel - I think it’s a male thing and I am sorry if that sounds like a generalisation, but this is my experience. At dinner parties for instance, it’s always men who see fit to kind of “hold court.”

That's not my experience. Maybe you need to change your social circle?

@BoingBoingyBoing I cycle & wear cycling shorts or leggings if I do, no need for a neon all in one.

Most of the people I know who have all the cycling gear have never even gone on an all day cycle.

I'm a cyclist and a runner and own way more lycra than I do any other clothes, and a strava fan, however I don't really talk about cycling beyond the logistics. That's not the case for a lot of my male friends though, cycling comes before everything and they can really bore on about it sometimes. For me it's just a hobby that keeps my brain and body happy. I don't get the endless gear ratio chat and or discussions about whatever the latest shiniest component part is. I also went on some bike holidays and found the endless meching and bike chat in the evening tedious.

My partner doesn't ride (or do any exercise much to my disappointment) so I never really discuss my riding or running with him, I might just give him some feedback from the gossip I heard mid ride.

I have an interesting and time consuming hobby which I spend a modest amount of my money on. However

1. I put my family responsibilities first and my hobby second.

1. I don’t expect anyone in my family to give up their time or money for it.

1. I don’t expect my partner to entertain or cook special food for me and my fellow enthusiasts

1. I don’t expect anyone in my family to listen to me talk about it. I accept its very boring for the non enthusiast.

1. If I have 10 hours a week / one weekend a month / two weeks a year Child free to spend on my hobby, I think my partner is entitled to the same.

If cyclists did the same then I wouldn’t give a flying duck what they wear.

How have you not killed him in his sleep?!

"no need for a neon all in one. "

Even if it were true when people refer to MAMIL, what people choose to wear whilst cycling is really nobodies concern. If replica kit offends you so much, maybe just look in the other direction. Lycra is standard cycle wear for a very good reason.

Usual MN double standards. Woe betide any man who might comment on what a woman chooses to wear but the other way round it's completely fair game.

Since my gym closed in march I've cycled over 1400 miles - on my own because I wasn't 'allowed' to cycle with my OH who doesn't live with me. Its the only thing that has kept me sane through the lockdown as my work stresses went through the roof.

I wear lycra shorts and jersey (has pockets for phone, keys, sunglasses and gels) and I use Strava. yes I am aware of becoming VERY boring, telling anyone who will listen that I'm now averaging over 16mph on short 20 mile rides and over 15mph on 40+ mile rides! (Or yesterdays record of 16.9mph average over 26 miles ----YES I'm damn proud of that !!!) Yes it is addictive, wondering if you can go faster through one segment or another, planning routes so you have the wind behind you to achieve a better time on a segment, comparing yourself to others on a list. I can see my OH glazing over sometimes as his response to the lockdown has to be stop cycling altogether and he keeps making snarky comments on how 'fast' I am now. .

BUT I can see how, if I was living with someone and/or had young children it would be hugely annoying to my partner so can understand the frustration of those of you who aren't the cyclists.

@PAND0RA but why even need go bring the lycra into it if for example your OH didnt behave right.

It's so childish to rant about stuff that has nothing to do with the actual issue.

I do t care about Lycra or what anyone wears or doesn’t wear really.

What he says to me is something like this, “Oh I was out in Oxfordshire today, You should see this and that / beautiful countryside. Then we went to so-and-so’s amazing house and his wife made us an amazing roast dinner and a strawberry layer gateau and blah blah.,,” This is how he talks and he knows what I’m like if people are coming and I feel like I have to offer food / lunch, so he doesn’t ask me as such, he just says they’re all coming here.

@Blobby10 I’m impressed with your 16.9mph! I’m not a cyclist but my husband is. He’s cycling most days in lockdown so quite into it - and it’s rare he breaks 17mph so in my completely uninformed view, that sounds good 👍🏻

“I feel like I have to offer food” - this is your problem, not his.

@cyclingmad

People need to get over it, really you do.

The lycra is best for those who cycle alot, if you have ever cycled long distance with it and for chafing you know the pain of going to the toilet is something you never want again. Unless you experienced that anyone who says lycra isnt needed can quite frankly fuck off. Putting on lycra doesn't turns person into a bad cyclist they already are with or without it. As for branded ones, so what? What is you problem with them? Just like you can buy clothes in many colours and labels splashed all over so you can with lycra.

So what if they have special shoes, you do realise if you cycle alot and dont you can get muscle imbalance because only the quads get worked out but with clip in shoes you work out the back legs too maintaining muscle balance.

So what if we have a .massive chunky bike locks you do realise a £10 bike lock isnt even going to last 1 sec fo protect your bike from a thief. Why wouldnt you get the right lock to protect a bike you paid lots of money for.

So what if they take energy bars with them, you do realise after 1hr of cycling you need energy and electrolytes.

So what if we have a bike computer

Literally any sport needs equipment and clothing.

Stop moaning about it.

Your problems are about behaviours and attitudes and take away the sport replace it with anything else it would be the same.

But it's easier to blame cycling then admit your men are behaving shitty.

This!

I own Sky branded lycra, I own tour de Yorkshire branded lycra and I own lots of other branded lycra because I like it. I even own a Wallace and grommit lycra top.

So what?? I wouldn't say to you why are you wearing why you wear so why do the same to cyclists?

you probably need to nip that in the bud though. He invited them, he can feed them. Find something else to do at that time.

Then why are you being a doormat and making food because you've takeb it upon yourself to feel like you should just because he said someone else wife did

[quote cyclingmad]@PAND0RA but why even need go bring the lycra into it if for example your OH didnt behave right.

It's so childish to rant about stuff that has nothing to do with the actual issue.[/quote]
I didn’t even mention the word Lycra . I think you are confusing me with another poster.

Maybe check your facts before you name call.

[quote tubbatops]@BoingBoingyBoing I cycle & wear cycling shorts or leggings if I do, no need for a neon all in one.

Most of the people I know who have all the cycling gear have never even gone on an all day cycle. [/quote]
You clearly need to change your social circle then.

I am a member of a women's cycle club (who all wear lycra when on bikes).
My partners family are very into cycling and no one I know wears lycra when not cycling

@Blobby10

Since my gym closed in march I've cycled over 1400 miles - on my own because I wasn't 'allowed' to cycle with my OH who doesn't live with me. Its the only thing that has kept me sane through the lockdown as my work stresses went through the roof.

I wear lycra shorts and jersey (has pockets for phone, keys, sunglasses and gels) and I use Strava. yes I am aware of becoming VERY boring, telling anyone who will listen that I'm now averaging over 16mph on short 20 mile rides and over 15mph on 40+ mile rides! (Or yesterdays record of 16.9mph average over 26 miles ----YES I'm damn proud of that !!!) Yes it is addictive, wondering if you can go faster through one segment or another, planning routes so you have the wind behind you to achieve a better time on a segment, comparing yourself to others on a list. I can see my OH glazing over sometimes as his response to the lockdown has to be stop cycling altogether and he keeps making snarky comments on how 'fast' I am now. .

BUT I can see how, if I was living with someone and/or had young children it would be hugely annoying to my partner so can understand the frustration of those of you who aren't the cyclists.

Way to go!! That's a fab result!! 😁👍👍