AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

I’m not trying to stereotype but I am talking about what I see all around me. Not only DH necessarily. You could say I’m a stereotype too I’m sure, but it doesn’t mean it’s not real. Isn’t everyone a stereotype to some extent?

DH does a lot of other activities and a lot of them have equipment eg climbing and paragliding. He had been like this since I met him so no shocker and, as I said, I’ve always supported him, even when the kids were little. But, the cyclist ones do tend to be a little more, I don’t know... self-interested? Maybe it’s just this group. Maybe it’s because they’re older now and have more time. I’m not sure. To be honest, I have loads of friends who do get annoyed about the cycling DH’s and they think I’m extremely laid back about my husband. But I really don’t mind him doing it at all as long as he doesn’t have an accident (which has happened). There’s just been a lot of cycling- related talk / business over lockdown because he’s not been able to do the other things, so maybe that’s it. I don’t know...

dontdisturbmenow
'Life can get quite monotonous when you hit the mid 40s. You've accomplished all or most of what you've set to in your earlier years.'
Blimey I hope that's not true. 40s are a bit young to be feeling that way surely!!

Op I agree. I know a few male cyclists and they are all that 'type'. I don't know any female ones tbh.

Presumably you don't wear lycra for your Pilates? Otherwise it seems hypocritical to complain about cyclists wearing it!

Other than that, either join in yourself, or ask him not to talk about it.

I do wonder if there's a bit of jealousy from wives who are unfit or don't have hobbies that they love.

I haven’t said anything about Lycra

Is there any reason why you do the hosting and not your husband? Aren’t they his friends?

People really need to fucking get over having a go at people wearing appropriate clothing for their chosen hobby.

It's not cycling that is a problem here, but potentially obsessive behaviour. As a nation encouraging people out of their cars and onto bikes is a good thing.

Sadly a few do end up shouting up to their wives and then find someone who share the same interest or enthusiasm leaving the wives aghast as to why they would have decided to go. Interest too how many of these wives have no issue showing great interest in their kids accomplishments and personal best but that if their husbands....

I do think deep inside, there is an element of jealousy.

Gosh, you seem to have a bad case of internalised misogyny.

Bustle around in a pinny baking muesli bars for your husband's MAMIL mates and listen reverently to his latest Strava triumph, or he'll run off with Linda from Belles on Bikes, and it will Serve You Right?

I do wonder if there's a bit of jealousy from wives who are unfit or don't have hobbies that they love.

Isn't there a difference though between a hobby you love & a hobby bore? Hobbies are great but some people's hobbies consumes their lives & that's all they talk about. Not so great.

@spokeinthewheel - I’m not trying to stereotype but I am talking about what I see all around me. Not only DH necessarily.

I suspect reason you are seeing it is because your dh is hanging around with like minded cyclists 🤷‍♀️

YABU. I don't think it's cycling, I think it's a certain type of personality. My ex-h started out on cycling, moved on to cricket, then golf, then bodybuilding, and now back to bodybuilding with a side of cycling. Through each of these sports he has displayed the same obsessive tendencies. Wanting to be perfect at the sport. Dieting to fit in with the sport. Practising incessantly to the detriment of relationship with and responsibilty for me and dc. Genning up on all the information he can lay his hands on to improve technique/times/performance (books, videos, websites etc.). All the other people I have met who are obsessively into cyclinng have this same obsessive personality. Cycling is just a popular outlet for it.

OTOH, a lot of my family both enjoy cycling and do it in moderation. DB is in a club and enters some competitions. I do one long ride on a weekend, if I haven't got dc. I've entered one competition and might do some more in the future, but only for my own personal achievement and not to beat anyone else. I don't record times. I don't share anything about it on social media except the occasional photo of somewhere nice I've been past. We wear lycra and have decent bikes. It's not just a way to get from A to B or keep fit for me, it is an actual hobby, but just one that we all practise in moderation.

I fail to see the fun in tearing along country roads in lycra. They're going so fast they aren't looking at the scenery or wildlife. Plus the fact they're at risk of being hit by a car. Way too much hassle.

I wonder are these same obsessive qualities that some of you deem to be uniquely male part of the reason men are better at jobs and paid more?

The more middle class the MAMIL the bigger idiot in my experience of SW London.

I cycle and I ride horses so I must be the worst type according to this thread! (I’m female)

Yabu

No , its the fact that both the career and the hobby involve leaving all the boring family stuff to the women .

Yabu

It's not cycling it's your husband...

I'm 40, female, a cyclist, who rarely cycles on cycle paths as they are shit, goes out for endless hours on one of my bikes and posts a lot on strava, I also wear lycra when I'm on bike..

My partner cycles too but nowhere near as much as me

To the pp, I genuinely don’t feel as if I’m jealous of my husband. I don’t even compare myself to him in that way. I’m no triathlon-type for sure, but I keep fit in my own way eg ballet / Pilates. When I wanted to lose a bit of weight after the kids, I did it in my own way and I don’t think anyone even knew I was on a diet. I don’t know anyone who is actually “jealous“ of their husband. When the kids were little, I’m sure there were a few times that I was resentful that it was easier for him to prioritise himself. Yes I admit that. But the kids are older now, so he can do what he likes.

People really need to fucking get over having a go at people wearing appropriate clothing for their chosen hobby.

appropriate clothing for cycling doesn't have to mean looking like a Tour De France extra. No-one in my ballet class wears tights or a tutu & most don't even bother with shoes.

I NEED to know about this banana cake with yoghurt recipe OP

^^

My husband is now obsessed with cycling! But side note- we've just moved to a new place and he's whinging that he's not made any friends (yes like a 5yr old!) he should join the cycling club! Didn't ever think of that so thank you!

I like cycling and so does my DH but he's more into Mountain biking than road cycling.
We both do it for fitness reasons and it's something we both enjoy.
Thankfully neither of us are competitive with one another or anyone else other than with ourselves as it's nice to be able to see your getting fitter or better at some of the tough trails you do.

I also think it's healthy to have you time and not become too consumed with the idea that once your married and have children your forever banned from doing your own hobbies or interests it is about a healthy balance between the two.
We make plenty of time as a family even take our children out with us in a bike trailer occasionally or plenty of family activities but neither of us are gone for hours on end or weekends when we are out on our own so I can see why some people maybe get annoyed if they're partners are out for whole day or weekends doing a sporting activity etc or constantly talking non stop about it

I think semi competitive armature cycling is the golf of the 2020s. It’s like the 1980s all over again. Went to visit family yesterday in the Surrey/Esher/Claygate/Egham area and there were hundreds of cyclists. All men share between 30-60ish.

Don’t get me wrong . I get being totally totally into a hobby . I have horses. We moved a considerable distance so we could buy somewhere we could keep them at home , and at one point I was competing in two different disciplines with three horses , plus a full time job, whilst DH would be with the kids . BUT . The kids had their own ponies , until they gradually became interested in other things ( although one I think will carry in and be better then me !) We would have at least one day off for DH to do whatever he wanted , plus all the winter evenings for him to go to the gym or pub or whatever , and then one whole family day as well . And they would come if they wanted on good days ( although invariably stayed home on the wet ones !) . I didn’t bore them to death with dressage scores , or spend my evenings glued to videoed lessons with my trainers with a magnifying glass , worrying out loud if my legs were an inch too far forward . You can be competitive and have a family life .
Just remember that your family have a life too , and it’s not all about you .

It’s probably a massive generalisation but I do wonder if it’s a male thing, ie how boys and girls are socialised differently? DH is into football and tech and goes on about both of them endlessly 😑. He does check himself though, and takes an interest in my hobbies too. FIL however is an absolute nightmare and only ever talks about himself and his hobbies. I’ve never seen anyone so skilled at turning any conversation back to themselves.

Anecdotally, of all the people I know who bore on about their hobbies, they’re all men (apart from my mum who will talk about her horses to anyone who will listen ).

What I am talking about is Colin from Chertsey wearing a lycra all in one covered in branding and 'sponsorship' as if he is taking part in the Tour De France.*

This ☺ & the alpha males who arrogantly race around the country lanes in packs, hogging most of the road so you can't get past. They think they own the road. If you toot your horn to get past, or you meet them the opposite way just after a bend you get a load of abuse. I have an almost uncontrollable urge to ram down the accellerator & nudge them all over into a big heap. (Obvs I wouldn't)