AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

Don't play hostess to his cycling mates he can sort them out himself. Does he playe hostess to your friends if they come over?

They should all be staying in the garden anyway for any after ride drinks and hopefully when they're cycling are 2m apart and no more than 6 of them!

I am out of touch- what on earth is wrong with Lycra?

OP - perhaps he is just trying to involve you in something he's passionate about? If that is his main hobby, he probably doesnt have a great deal else to talk about. Maybe you should try raving about pilates, perhaps youd find he is quite interested. And if he isnt, then just say, "look I have to listen to all your cycling stories, now you know how I feel .

physically mentally and psychotically

'It isn't that 'cycle paths are beneath them' it is that cycle paths are universally shit in the UK. '
Yes! And cars just park across them - very annoying.

I'm not a 'proper' cyclist - I just do 1-2 hours and wear leggings etc, but I really enjoy it. It's a great way to exercise and see the local area.

Op - get your dh to sort his own snacks etc out if he wants his cycling mates round.

What horrible men. Having a passion for something. How dare they get off their arses and do something they enjoy that keeps them fit and healthy.

Except no one has said that, just that they should occasionally shut the fuck up about their PBs and not make family life revolve around their hobby.

I agree it's not specific to cycling. Hearing about other people's hobbies is as boring as hearing about other people's dreams.

@spokeinthewheel I’d be making it clear it’s up to him to host not you. It doesn’t sound like he’s even asked, just assumed. I’d be raging just for that

It’s not the cycling that’s the issue it’s the Middle Aged crisis where they can’t afford a Ferrari but they can afford a good bike and that’s how they show off.

I’m a cyclist with my DP, but we are in our thirties. I’m on Strava he doesn’t give a hoot and we’d never go out with other people

@Prayerwheel

What horrible men. Having a passion for something. How dare they get off their arses and do something they enjoy that keeps them fit and healthy.

Except no one has said that, just that they should occasionally shut the fuck up about their PBs and not make family life revolve around their hobby.

I agree it's not specific to cycling. Hearing about other people's hobbies is as boring as hearing about other people's dreams.

That's a bizarre view you have of a family. Hobbies should be an integral part of family life. Shared passions passed down or at least experienced by the children.

The thing is, they do have Ferraris or similar and this is another aspect of it, because they put the bike on the Ferrari and then drive somewhere (eg the Midlands, but it could be anywhere) and do the ride and compare bikes / cars / talk business. It’s the whole vibe around the cycling. It’s hard to describe without sounding mean, but there’s something about it that feels a bit like showing off. Which again, is fair enough to an extent, but don’t pretend you’re doing it all for charity,

oh no, wearing appropriate clothes for the activity - how very male.

must be, as I see endless women teetering in fugly heels, ripped clothes, tight skirts, waddly ballet flats that mean they blubber at the slightest piece of gravel and so on. Clearly it is feminine to dress like a total fool.

what a stupid thread.

I’m a female, I go out for hours, I don’t wear Lycra because I’m a mountain biker, but same idea and I obsess about my segments on Strava.

As others have said - you have a DH problem. Tell him to do his own “hosting” After the ride if it bothers you so much.

Ha ha, the very notion of a bike on a Ferrari....

That's a bizarre view you have of a family. Hobbies should be an integral part of family life. Shared passions passed down or at least experienced by the children.

I think you must be reading a different thread, I don't see the OP's husband taking the children out on his rides, or encouraging them as cyclists. The OP's account is of a man obsessed with beating his cycling buddies, droning on about his PBs and surgically attached to his Strava.

@spokeinthewheel you’re not describing the average cycling husband here, you’re describing a wealthy cycling husband. Average wealthy one, or just your wealthy one? I don’t know.

So what if he asks you to make a particular cereal bar or cake? Are you baking anyway and he’s making a request and it’s no more a demand than one of the teens saying they’d like your chocolate cake?

How would you feel if I wrote a stereotypically bitchy post about wealthy women who can afford to have 4 kids and live in SW London, baking their banana cakes and doing Pilates? It wouldn’t be kind or fair.

Your problem is your husband, it is not the fault of cycling.

I think YABU. It's not cycling that is the issue, it's the individual doing the cycling. Dh cycles with a club. He does some travelling for events but not if it interferes with family commitments (youngest dc is now 17 so generally not an issue). He is on strava, he follows others on strava, he takes protein shakes after his sessions, we regularly have cycling stuff arriving in the post, he is on a whatsapp group where they discuss cycling.

However, he rarely discusses cycling with me unless I ask as he knows I'm not interested. The only time he might mention it is if he got a kom (about the only terminology he knows) or won an event or to tell me about something going on that I might be interested in (the club members are lovely and I have gone along to social events).

Dh is just as bemused as I am by the guys (it's always guys) who obsess about things like wheel types or whatever. I think some people get obsessed and go on and on about their hobby, others don't. The hobby is irrelevant.

My DH was into cycling before it became popular and spent time as a semi-pro overseas in his early 20s (25 odd years ago) When I met him, that was part of him.

I have to say though, he has been brilliant, since we've had the DC he hasn't lost the love for cycling but he no longer cycles competitively because he knows how much time the training takes and how much it impacts on family life. I guess he's done the winning competitions, podiums, living overseas for it so doesn't have anything to prove now he's mid 40s. I'm aware I am extremely fortunate.

But to answer your question - it is a boring as batshit. I just nod and smile.

Honestly, come down an income bracket (or 3) to my local area. None of my husband’s friends behave like that. Have you considered that what makes him behave like a selfish demanding arse might be either coming from inherited wealth, or the personality traits that allowed him to become a high earning SW London loving, Ferrari type car owning type now? So - nothing to do with cycling, and not your average check at behaviour at all?
And if you don’t like the stereotyping - consider your own post!

I agree that it’s not the cycling, it’s that some men are selfish twats.

There’s taking an interest and encouraging your DH’s hobbies, and then there’s being expected to constantly pick up the pieces at home, drop everything to facilitate what try it want to do etc.

Cycling is relatively accessible and has enjoyed a resurgence of popularity in the last decade; which is why there are more selfish male cyclists; but if you look at other hobbies there will be the same proportion of selfish twats elsewhere.

I do a bit of a niche hobby and there are those who take a bit of a step back when they have children, taking turns with their wives to attend events etc; and then there are the ones who seemingly can’t let go - attending every single event insisting that they’re desperately needed and everything will fall apart without them, while making the point that they’re so dedicated they’re missing [family event] to be there. In reality, they’re not needed; we could cope fine without them, they just want to feel important and have an excuse to check out of family life.

*average cyclist behaviour

YANBU, have met a few of these. DH is a reformed one. And picked my way past many hundreds of them on a Saturday morning (all the clubs out at the exact same time on the exact same roads) while driving DC to activities. No doubt some of them are dodging driving their DC to activities. Especially YANBU if you are supervising home learning for 4 teenagers all week. Talk about Pilates a lot while DH pops to Tesco for the muesli bars. Pilates is quite interesting, inexpensive, excellent for your health and requires no kit. So good for cyclists!

You do get the odd woman like this too. We've got one at work who's a running bore and I've one on Facebook who did the if you can't beat 'em join 'em thing and now they're both exercise bores.

I do like the whale on Zwift though.

dontdisturb - I am assuming that's a typo at the end, though some might disagree!
Haha, excellent, talk about a great example of a slip of the tongue!

Regardless of his great love for Cycling.Why on earth do you have to bake special cakes and bars FFS? Surely this is not fair on you! Tell him you dont mind his hobby but dont feel able to cater for several cycling chaps whilst home schooling/working /whatever?

Just wanted to post for some balance.

My adult daughter is a keen cyclist and has just bought a very nice bike. She also enjoys running. The vast majority of the people who she would cycle with are all women. It started with spin classes and branched out into actual cycling.

I'm pleased for her. She left an abusive marriage a couple of years ago and has two small children. It massively improves her mental health and she is physically healthy too. All pros, no cons so far.

just that they should occasionally shut the fuck up about their PBs and not make family life revolve around their hobby
Sadly a few do end up shouting up to their wives and then find someone who share the same interest or enthusiasm leaving the wives aghast as to why they would have decided to go. Interest too how many of these wives have no issue showing great interest in their kids accomplishments and personal best but that if their husbands....

I do think deep inside, there is an element of jealousy.

@TooGood2BeTrue - but those MAMILs do annoy the hell out of me when they insist on cycling in groups of 5+ on narrow country roads because cycling paths are beneath them

Cycling paths are not suitable for group cycling. They are suitable for commuters, family cycles etc. That is what they are built for.