To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

If it was me, I'd try giving breastfeeding a go, and stop as soon as it became stressful in any way.

I did it for my one and only child, she was born very prematurely and I'd been expressing while she was being tube fed, but I let myself get so stressed over it and stressed about stopping. If I'd been able to risk trying for another, I'd definitely try it again but I would have already promised myself I would stop if anything about it became difficult.

It's not impossible but much harder to change your mind and start breastfeeding after formula feeding at first so I'd definitely try it first in case you regret not trying.

Different for each baby. I will say, when exclusively breast, it is infinitely easier (generally only after the 3 month mark though).

All other things being equal I’m not 100% sold on the superior health argument.

It took a while to get the hang of breastfeeding and DS1 had bad tongue tie and was tiny so the physics of my big boobs and his tiny mouth made it incredibly painful. After a couple of weeks, someone recommended nipple shields which I tried and they made it soooooo much easier! I also gave a top up of formula every so often if I was tired. At 5 months or so I didn't need the shields any more as DS was big enough that it no longer hurt to have him on my boob directly. I pumped too so other people could feed but tbh I wish I hadn't done this as it just meant I was in a room on my own pumping into a machine while other people held and bonded with my baby. I hated breastfeeding in the early days and would despair every time DS cried, but I'm so glad I persevered (less stuff to carry around when out, quicker to calm/comfort in the middle of the night, no waste if they only want a little bit of the bottle rather than the whole lot). I ended up bf until 2 years, which I never EVER thought would have been possible or desirable for me.

With DS2, I bought nipple shields again, but he didn't take to them at all - just wouldn't suckle when they were on. I carried on without them and it took a while for my body to readjust to breastfeeding again (blisters, bleeding nipples, general soreness). I haven't pumped at all this time, but with a toddler there 24/7, I don't know when I'd find the time to! My milk came in a lot quicker this time around and DS2 is just more efficient at feeding (10-20 minutes, rather than 40-50 that DS1 needed). To (attempt to) counteract jealousy, once a week DS1 is allowed to give DS2 a little bottle of formula. Can't say it has stopped jealousy yet but DS1 does like being involved.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

You can breast feed with only one arm, so would be more available for your older child. You would also have to sterilise and prepare bottles instead of just whipping up your top, so I think it is far easier to breast feed with a toddler around.

I doubt my honest opinion will help your decision. I breastfed my children because my mom breastfed us and it didn't cross my mind to not do the same. Plus, it seemed way easier than making endless bottles of formula. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the right decision for you. x

I chose to formula feed. I honestly did not feel comfortable with a baby being attached to me for varying lengths of time during the day. As it happens he was a large always hungry baby and my health visitor said that in some cases it can be difficult for the mother to keep up! I don't really know about that but he had special formula and fed very frequently.

Breastfeed in the mornings and daytime and give a bottle in the afternoon and evening. Avoid the evenings trying to soothe a crying not-quite-full baby.

My personal opinion: breastfeeding can be rough for tge first month or so (and uk midwifes and health visitors are beyond hopeless with helping).
But once you are over that, its so much less faff, much cheaper and independent of formula availability, it makes up for it easily

I’d give it a go but not beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen. Even if you only manage one feed it’s better than none. Could you get DS a baby doll so that when you feed your baby he can ‘feed’ his with a bottle? It could be a nice bonding activity for you both.

@TheCraicDealer the smell made me queasy too but weirdly once my baby was born it was gone so might end up the sane for you? Strange how pregnancy messes up your senses.

Tips for breastfeeding:
Get checked for tongue ties
Lots of time in bed or on sofa just chilling and feeding/cuddling
Stay fed and hydrated
No letting visitors intrude and take over so you feel uncomfortable
If you have a dp make sure they pay loads of attention to dc1 especially while feeding dc2/3/4. Get a doll for dc1 to feed and cuddle
Carve out time for dc1. Mum guilt got me with dc1 and dc2 in that i was 'always feeding' (clustering) so dc1 i felt was left out. We read stories while i fed, watch the gruffallo etc. and got those learning games (like the supermarket game to play).

But mostly rest, have your dp support you and give yourself a break. And know you can combination feed and can always still breastfeed if you need to supplement especially in the first days.

I have two DC. Both were BF for 10 months with the exception of a bottle of formula at bed time.

Pros - once breast feeding is established it’s SO much easier when out and about. Lift t-shirt, pop boob out and go! No bottles to clean, no frantically trying to cool bottles under the tap whilst DC scream with hunger! Helps with shifting baby weight as you burn through calories.

Cons - lonely. I found doing all the night feeds very lonely. DH was unable to help in any practical way (although he got up every morning with both DC and I caught up with sleep then) Lack of freedom - you are very much tied to the baby for the first couple of months.

DC1 was not bothered about me feeding really. I just let her watch TV when I fed the baby so she was happy with getting more screen time than she’d ever had in her life!

I ff my first and bf my second. A word of caution about combi feeding-despite us giving DD a bottle a day from three days old, by two months she was a total bottle refused and I was trapped in exclusive breastfeeding hell. Combi would have been the best call for us but don’t assume it will be an option. There is an enormous difference between 90% bf and 100%. It almost drove me to the brink and I have to think very hard about taking the risk of initiating bf again if I had a third.

Oh and my kids are equally healthy/developing etc. It makes zero difference at an inidividual level. I have no desire to get into the bf/ff debate, it’s bern done to death, but I’d strongly encourage you to explore the research and data yourself with an open mind rather than just blindly believing those that say breast is superior. You may be surprised at how lacking the evidence really is when you focus on sibling studies, which are essential to allow for other socio economic factors.

Good luck whatever you decide!

I have had 3 children all of which I tried to breastfeed as I felt that ot was right i tried. However these are my experiences-

First baby very slow feeder, in hospital I was advised to stop as they thought she was taking enough so we moved to formula. She only had 1 ounce every feed for weeks! I even had to get her weighed every week because it wasn't 'normal' she was normal she just didn't eat a lot and still doesn't. Wish I hadn't listen to them but first time mum etc

2nd baby great again but then she had reflux and cows milk allergy so we switched to allergy milk (took a lot of trying to get the right one) and lots of different medication to try.

3rd baby great for around 2 weeks however my others were only 1 and 2 so very little and this baby fed all the time like constantly so it wasn't going to work when my husband went back to work I then ended up with an infection which made my milk green so after formula feeding my others we switched.

You can have all the grand plans in the world but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I spend a lot time feeling guilty about it however now many years later I can't believe I felt like that. My girls are happy and I was happy and that's all that matters. It feels like a massive decision at the time but please don't stress about it.

I didn't even attempt to breast feed my child. It's something I've never wanted to do.

Formula is expensive and washing and sterilising bottles is a huge pain but I prefer that to doing all the night feeds.

I know 8 babies who were breast fed and they were/are terrible sleepers for their parents. I'm also not convinced on the superior health benefits either as they always seem to have a cold/bug/cough.

Whilst my 4 yo DC is an excellent sleeper (95% of the time) and has only ever had one bug despite being in nursery full time from 1 yo.

Based on my experiences, I don't believe breast is always best.

Do what makes you happy OP. A fed baby with a happy/healthy mum will always be best.

I never considered FF at all. At 2 days old DC1 wouldnt latch and DH went and bought bottles, pre-made formula and a steriliser. While he was out I got him latched and then we never looked back. At 3 months I started pumping so I could go to a hen do for the day and we eventually got him to take a bottle but it was really hard work.

With DC2 I couldn't be bothered trying to get her to take a bottle so never did. Just wasnt worth the hassle.

I was lucky and bf was pretty easy and straightforward. And as I firmly believe in an easy life I was delighted never to have to learn how to make up a bottle, especially in the middle of the night or when out and about or have all that washing and sterilising to bother about.

Without knowing you or your family, if you can give it a go, then do. One baby is not always like another. I had one who was tongue-tied and it was a really sad experience. Like you I tried very hard, nothing doing, no help really (health visitor useless, midwives aware but didn't get me any help, me clueless!).

I'm 16 years on from that experience and I can honestly say it does not matter psychologically in the way that it did. I remember feeling very bad, worse when I posted on MN! but it honestly doesn't feel the same now. That child is so bloody healthy (ok that's one person part way through life, yada yada). I understand the epidemiology of breast over bottle and because of that I understand that the message is not actually clear-cut.

Wishing you one of those babies with no tongue-tie who feeds quickly and calmly every three hours and never gets colicky

Had no problems with jealousy - I basically never sat in the couch, always sat on the floor so that I could play with my toddler with one arm and the baby would be attached to my other boob. I found my toddler loves the baby, liked to be involved.
You'll be surprised, within a week I was bathing the toddler whilst sitting on the loo feeding the baby and folding the laundry with the other hand haha!

It makes little difference really. I had a very good experience bfing though and I’d always advocate giving it a go. Some things to think about.

Bfing is front loaded. Establishing it is difficult, as pps have said the first few weeks are hard. After that it’s a real breeze, so if you can hang in there, you reap the rewards. The bfing hormones are magic at that point. I loved the oxytocin rush after feeding, both me and baby totally blissed out. I was a likely candidate for PND, I think bfing was key to me avoiding that.

The other thing is to set yourself up well. Do the classes, have the support networks ready if you need them, get the lanolin and compresses in, get good nursing bras. Good bfing support is invaluable, you may need to seek it privately.

But if it doesn’t work out, that’s fine too, don’t waste time or mental energy worrying about it. It’s such a short time in their lives and it becomes irrelevant very quickly.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

I breastfed DS until he was nearly two.
It’s probably not accurate to say I consciously chose to feed him this way if that makes sense. For me, it wasn’t really a choice - I always assumed I would breastfeed... couldn’t see me doing it any other way! and bar a few issues at the start (which were sorted with some support from the NHS!) and the usually cluster feeding etc, I didn’t have any major issues with it.
I definitely wouldn’t change the way I fed DS. I have very fond memories of this time and I feel grateful that I got to experience feeding him in this way.

That’s my opinion as you asked for it. I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, of course.

Tune out the other voices and follow your instinct

This is the best piece of advice on here.

This is a divisive subject and you will always get people passing off opinion as fact. Take the famous anecdata concerning all the bf babies people know who get ill all the time and don’t sleep. This just isn’t the reality for many.

Fed is best and it really doesn’t matter which you choose. I ff from day one - happy healthy babies - and parents.

It’s only on Mn I’ve heard of anyone feeling guilty as to their choices. It’s your baby, whatever you decide will be right you for and your baby

Fed is best. Do what works for you and your baby.

To be honest I found breastfeeding very easy and convenient. It hurt a little whilst getting established and you have the extra concerns about how much they are getting but if you can get past that it's easier when out and about or at night. My son was 20 months when my daughter was born and there was a bit of jealousy but it wasn't connected to breastfeeding and he loved her after the first couple of months.

I FF both of mine. Probably for similar reasons to you-I didn't know anyone who had successfully done it that I could ask.
I don't think you'd be able to tell but I wish I had BF mine for gut health reasons.

Follow your gut instinct on this. It's one of the most divisive issues I encountered. Breast fed my first for a few months but gave up rapidly when very difficult with second. Bottle feeding had many advantages and both my teens are fine. It's only one of many factors affecting health and development and you are in charge. I hope you can get to a point of not feeling guilty either way. Good luck.