To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

DS1 was born at 24 weeks and was in NICU for a long time. When he eventually became big and strong enough to try to breastfeed, we just couldn't manage it - I had hardly any milk (in spite of constantly expressing since his birth) and he turned blue and stopped breathing nearly every time we tried.

So we bottle fed. And an experienced NNU nurse watched me bottle feed him and told me smugly that she'd breastfed both of her DC and therefore had a far closer relationship with both of them than I'd ever have with my DS. Yes she really did.

He's 14 now and we have a lovely relationship, so bugger off nasty NNU nurse.

@FairfaxAikman I'm not sure it was. I was depressed even when I wasn't feeding but I think feeding was a big part of why I felt the way I did.

Give it a go and remember if you can that the first six or eight weeks are HARD but things after that are so easy.

You never know, you baby might be easier to feed/your body might adjust quicker this time. You won't know unless you give it a try.

I found that committing to just get through the next feed/day/week really helped. Then I set monthly targets. I ended up feeding to 2y 8m and my initial goal was 3 months.

Also, never give up on a bad day. That advice really helped me/

Currently exclusively breastfeeding my first (7 weeks) although i do pump one feed a day so DH can do a night feed and I can sleep.

One thing id say that I don’t think people talk about enough is the convenience of BF - baby wakes in the night - whip out a boob. Baby hungry while we’re out - whip out a boob. No preparing bottles etc, and it’s free! When you’re sleep deprived it’s great to be able to just wake up, feed in bed and back to sleep, rather than getting up to get things to the right temperature etc

I breast fed and found the first 12 weeks pretty awful. It was painful and exhausting. I gave myself the 12 week target. But after that I actually enjoyed it so kept doing it. Lots of times I thought "thank god for boobs" cos I could just whip them out. I ended up breastfeeding until 3 years and had to call it a day but was sad to stop.

That said I can see the benefit of bottle. It would have been nice if my partner could have helped out more

I was in exactly your position OP. Tried hard first time but ultimately failed and tortured myself with guilt over it.

With the second one I resolved to try again but not to beat myself up if it didn't work, and to fee no guilt if I ended up formula feeding. It was hard second time around too and I abandoned it and went for the bottle after less than a fortnight. I learned from the first time and didn't beat myself up over it.

I agree with the very first comments on the thread, ie it doesn't matter and a fed baby is a happy one

Good luck

an experienced NNU nurse watched me bottle feed him and told me smugly that she'd breastfed both of her DC and therefore had a far closer relationship with both of them than I'd ever have with my DS

What a nasty bitch!

That nurse was in the wrong job. How you feel your baby, has nothing to do with the bond you form.

If it comes easily to you, do it.

If it is hard, give up.

A lot of mums that persevere through months of pain and sleepless nights will be disappointed after a few years that you don't get a medal and there is zero difference between the health of their kids and bottle fed ones.

Enjoyment of your newborn is the THE most important thing. Otherwise, why have a baby?

Totally agree with your comments on this thread @LaurieMarlow high five

Enjoyment of your newborn is the THE most important thing. Otherwise, why have a baby?

If you said this to my SIL, who had PND and did not enjoy and barely remembers the newborn period, she would be massively upset. She is massively upset about how she felt she missed out on her child's earliest months and someone telling her enjoying it was THE most important thing would be one more reason she felt a failure.

You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial

Of course you can. Both my babies were breast feed.

I was better rested than the FF mums!
No getting up in the middle of the night to re-heat a bottle.
No worries over sterilisation
No worries about being out longer than expected and the bottle getting warm in the heat
No carting around of full bottles
Feed on demand
No wasting of expensive formula when the baby falls asleep 30 seconds into the feed

etc etc

Much easier to my mind

I only bf to 5 months, one of the reasons I stopped was I wanted time to myself.

I don't understand how anyone that's breastfeeding for 1 year+ actually has a life? Until then baby usually feeds 3+ times a day. So you can't go out without them for the day, or more than 6 or 7 hours really. You can't hand baby to dad and get a full nights sleep. Yes you can express milk but I have heard a lot of ebf babies refuse bottles.

I'm not trying to be critical, I just cant see how you could have a day out or night away with friends, for example.

@Iwalkinmyclothing is she reading this thread?

So i formula fed both mine. I suffered from something called sheehans syndrome which ruined my pituitary which makes the hormone prolactin. Which is needed to produce breast milk.

I was devastated and would still even now breastfeed

My friend has 11 children and has breastfed every single one. It's so easy (once you've got it sorted). You whip your boob out. Fed baby. I had to sterilise. Bottles. Getting the temp right.

However. Fed is best. Literally. Do whatever makes you happiest!!

@Elphame

You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial

Of course you can. Both my babies were breast feed.

I was better rested than the FF mums!
No getting up in the middle of the night to re-heat a bottle.
No worries over sterilisation
No worries about being out longer than expected and the bottle getting warm in the heat
No carting around of full bottles
Feed on demand
No wasting of expensive formula when the baby falls asleep 30 seconds into the feed

etc etc

Much easier to my mind

I think ‘have a life’ in this context meant some freedom and flexibility to go out and about without the baby, have an evening out etc. and not be restricted by the fact you’re the only one who can feed baby.

I'm not trying to be critical, I just cant see how you could have a day out or night away with friends, for example.

I think some people are ok with that. I’m personally not which is one of the reason I hated BF but everyone is different! You’ll get people who are genuinely confused why anyone would choose to spend any time away from their child for 2+ years and just can’t fathom the desire for a night out with friends for example.

For me it wasn’t just the flexibility and freedom to go out without DC but that DH, extended family, friends and even my boss could give the bottles. My DMil came to stay the first summer (she was a teacher and very graciously gave up her holidays to get on a plane to help us out) and she did all the night feeds. DH and I were very spoilt that summer.

Possibly 'have a life' isn't the right phrasing as for some reason people tend to see that negatively, like the mum going out clubbing or something.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting time away from the baby, I did my fair share of meeting friends for coffee and going shopping with my mum with the baby, but I much preferred going on my own and DP got some time alone and to see how bloody demanding it is.

I was limited slightly in how long I could leave baby for the first 4 months or so, but I still managed to leave her to ride most days (so 2-3hrs away) and now at 9 months I can leave her for 5-6hrs. And that’s within any expressed milk.
I most definitely have had a life since EBF!

I haven't read all the comments but the second baby could be so different! You might find it easier. I know a friend who struggled with her first but the second baby seemed to take to breastfeeding so easily, such a different experience. So my thoughts are why don't you give it a go with the second baby, it might be a lot easier this time round. Good luck!

@Wolfgirrl I have no idea. Is it beyond your comprehension to think that she may not be the only woman to have experienced that and that your words may hurt others?

Yes my first night 'out' (home by 11ish) was when my baby was 5 weeks old. I just needed a few hours to blow off some steam, and I think DP was pleased to spend some time with DD without me. I think it was important to him to feel like he was capable and not just my helper.

Other times it has been nice to get my hair done, meet friends for coffee and not have to rush back, go to the odd party etc.

I really think there is too much pressure on motherhood in the UK to do it all 'naturally' and put your own needs last. But you just ending up losing your sense of fun and feel frazzled

@Iwalkinmyclothing

What was so offensive about it? Enjoyment of your newborn is the most important thing. I say this as a mum that was admitted to a mother and baby unit as my mental health went down the shutter.

*shitter