To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

I think people underestimate how hard breastfeeding is to begin with. I wish there was more support for new mums.
I think once it is established it actually a very easy way of feeding, no messing around with bottles etc and a great way to comfort an upset baby. OP it sounds like you never got to that point so I completely understand how you would be worried about what might happen this time.
I breastfed all of mine and there was no impact on my bond with the older ones It was actually a lovely time because we would read together.

The main thing is that baby is fed and that mum is happy. Do what works for you. If you want to give it a try see if you can get some support in place before baby arrives. Wishing you all the best

Nutritionally, breast is best HOWEVER it isn't all round best which is why I don't like the general "breast is best" phrase

Formula is best if you want to share the feeds
Formula is best if you think you'll return to work quickly
Formula is best if you would like dad/family to help feed
Formula is best if you would like more sleep whilst someone else feeds

I FF from day one with no regrets.

The evidence behind breast/formula milk shows very very very little difference

Exclusively bottle fed (ready-made formula) from the moment DC was born. Haven't regretted it for one second and DC (and our bonding / relationship) is none the worse for it. Ready-made formula was slightly more expensive than powdered formula, but it was easy and doesn't have to be heated, so there was never any faffing around. The milk was there and available immediately.

Should also say DC was a happy, healthy baby and remains a happy, healthy child - has never had an ear infection, has only had an upset stomach about 5 times and has only had a cold a handful of times over the last 4.5 years. (This is down to luck - and possibly genes - not formula feeding, but I just wanted to say his health wasn't affected by being fed formula.)

The only thing you "should" do, is what is right for you. Try not to feel pressured or guilted into making a choice. Consider your options and just do what feels best for you.

If you can give it a go for the first few days, that would be good (for the colostrum) but if not/otherwise don’t let any of the more fanatical Breastapo element get to you. Just be thankful that you can go and buy bottles and formula in umpteen shops - so many mothers in other parts of the world aren’t so lucky.
I did BF my 2 for 4/5 months - very lucky since no trouble early on - but after supply problems later felt not the least bit bad for moving to formula.

Whichever way you feed you are going to be spending time with your new baby which your DS wont like. Breastfeeding gives you an arm free plus you don't have to spend time making up bottles.

You have nothing to lose in trying to breastfeed, and if it doesn't work out you know that bottle feeding works for you. Win win.

You mention lack of support, which I also found, so with DS2 I sought out support well before he was born and attended lots of breastfeeding drop ins just to learn and to get to know the ladies, so that I already had support there for when DS2 was born. There were lots of pregnant ladies at group. It helped me to get into that 'network' of people, so by the time he was born I had a big support network ready. X

I agree with pp that bf is actually easier than FF once you get into it (I have done a bit of both, which is also totally fine!!)

Breast is best. Surround yourself with support and hope it all goes well. If not there is an alternative. The key is to try as much as you can take it.

What I learned from having two is that you never dip into the same river twice. You can learn from experience but you will be applying it to a new situation.

With my first, I had a similar experience to you: physical problem affecting baby that made breastfeeding difficult and the first few months were miserable. I did carry on, though, and it did eventually get quite good.

My second baby was easier to feed and I also gave a daily top-up bottle after the first couple of weeks and this worked a lot better. By this stage I had basically got into the mind frame of "well, if the bottle ruins it, I'll just go over to bottle-feeding: I'm not having another baby hospitalised with malnutrition." It wasn't a problem and I breastfed quite happily for the first 4 months until my GP pointed out that I could get a medical problem of my own sorted if I gave up breastfeeding

Two people have had a go at me for saying I found it difficult to understand those who don’t try bf unless medical reason. Seems an over the top reaction. I didn’t, like many did, say those who ff are wrong in their choices, just that I didn’t understand that choice. There’s many things I don’t understand but it doesn’t mean I think making those choices is wrong. I don’t understand why people drink coffee or beer or eat liquorice as I think they taste horrible. I don’t understand why people choose to go on holiday to Dubai or drive a Range Rover or watch TOWIE or listen to house music or opera as they don’t appeal to me at all. But doesn’t mean I look down on them for those choices.

Personally I found those breast feeding workshops all a bit much ... why do you necessarily bond with another woman just because you both breast feed ? .

Our very lovely, but intense & lentil weaving midwife encouraged a few of us 'middle class breast feeding mums' to go to some sort of breast feeding 'get together' at the local Surestart Centre ... it was all a bit cringey at the time & I am embarrassed now thinking about it (20 years ago ).

I don't understand why people are saying fed is best. Surely that means compared to not fed and if you don't feed them social services will remove them.
Personally I breastfed mine because it was the best choice for me and my family.

Breastfeeding- if all else was equal (which it isn't) the milk is better - specially designed for your baby

• no ongoing costs to buy formula (but you probably need nursing bras and potentially clothes as well, at least I do)
• easy once you get through the first bit - don't have to make bottles, sterilise, get up for night feeds, plan for days out etc
• other people can't help with the feeds - might be an advantage if you have pushy relatives

Bottles - much easier to share responsibilities with partner and perhaps other family members

• no need to express if you're going out to work say
• no nipple twiddling. This is a VERY BIG advantage
• get to wear normal clothes
• no cluster feeding in the early weeks
• some people like the confidence of knowing how much food baby is getting and it seems to me that bottle feeding slots into a routine better, that might just be my friends

There's a meme on Facebook which says fed is not best, listened to and supported is best. It's important that if you want to breastfeed you should be supported to do so, helped to get the right support and no one trying to get you to just give the baby a bottle when the going gets tough because 'fed is best', and no judgy comments about feeding in public. That completely disregards your feelings. On the other hand it means if you choose to bottle feed that you're supported to learn to make formula safely, given the vouchers to buy it if that applicable for your income, given the best advice about the right formula for your baby (like special prescription milk if needed) and not bombarded with judgy comments about breast is best.

But you have shown you do understand why

Your taste differs from others ....

If you do decide to ff, get a Perfect Prep

Second this. They look amazing.

I had one and they were brilliant, a bottle in 2 minutes bliss it's said a lot about the 'faff' with FF but this machine takes that away. I didn't buy it and got it gifted which is even better!

Anyway, I'm pregnant with second so watching. I stopped bf after 3 days with the first it wasn't worth the pain and upset especially coming from a predominantly FF family. Will intend to try and bf again but will happily move to formula if it doesn't work out. I've learnt infant feeding is such a small part I'm not going to stress.

I guess it boils down whether bf is worth it to you and whether you are willing to persevere if the going gets tough.

OP if it helps, with my first she had some health issues and was unable to latch for the first 3 months. I pumped and fed her my expressed milk. Then when she was stronger to latch on, we managed to start breastfeeding at 3 months and she fed till 2 years 7 months. Second one no problems from the beginning, he latched like a dream and was a healthy strong baby which made things easier. I did hurt in both occasions from split nipples for about 1-2 weeks but after that, it was a breeze. Both of mine were horrid sleepers and it was so nice not having to fluff with bottles and sterilising. Same about going out and about. But I do come from a culture that is very pro breastfeeding and never ever considered the alternative. I think that this is the key difference. Without wanting to offend anyone, I do think that in the UK breastfeeding is seen like the second option and most bottle feed. That will impact a lot on what mums choose. It is also seen as ahem animalistic from what mums here have told me as a reason for not wanting to even try it. Abroad completely different as breastfeeding is held in high esteem and very promoted. It helps a lot to have had generations of breastfeeding mums in your family, you don't even consider the alternative. It becomes your reality from infancy as you see it.

Another one here who had success with mixed feeding. I was similar to you with my first, I tried to EBF but severe PND and other mental health problems put a stop to it early on and I switched to formula. This time around, I did roughly 50/50 formula and breastfeeding literally from day 1 and managed to do so until 6 months when we decided to move to 100% formula. Before my own experiences, I had no clue about mixed feeding, I feel it’s sold as an ‘all or nothing’ affair and I believe more women would try it if they knew it was an option. I know I would have if I had known with my first.

Fed is not best, fed is the absolute most basic level

Ff if you want/need to, but claim that, don’t say fed is best.

The evidence behind breast/formula milk shows very very very little difference

The difference is becoming apparent. In breastfed babies the telomeres that govern life expectancy and longevity are longer than formula fed babies. This is just because of breastfeeding, and when breastfed babies grow into healthy adults with healthy lifestyles they tend to live longer than formula fed adults with the same lifestyles

Fed is best, do what makes you and your baby happy. Honestly at the end of the day bottle feeding is absolutely fine.

Do what works but if you can possibly do it get some colostrum** (into your baby. You can use a syringe (without a needle!) to collect it and drop it into the baby’s mouth. It’s incredibly nutritious and full of your antibodies and you don’t need to breast feed at all for your baby to get the benefits of it.

** The fluid your breasts produce in the first few days after birth is called colostrum. It's thick and usually a golden yellow colour. It's a very concentrated food, so your baby will only need a small amount, about a teaspoonful, at each feed. (NHS.uk)

The difference is becoming apparent. In breastfed babies the telomeres that govern life expectancy and longevity are longer than formula fed babies. This is just because of breastfeeding, and when breastfed babies grow into healthy adults with healthy lifestyles they tend to live longer than formula fed adults with the same lifestyles

This is very interesting. I remember doing loads of research about breastmilk and breastfeeding when I was nursing DS and read about studies to do with white matter in the brain being more pronounced in breastfed babies etc but I hadn’t heard this. Will go read about it now!
I always assumed the lack of evidence was due to lack of funding. Who is going to find research in to large scale studies in breastfed infants when nobody really stands to gain money from it?
Whereas if you have a saleable product such as a new drug, for example, it may cost millions to do what you need to to bring it to market but it’s worth it as you would stand to make a lot more.

*fund research

@GrumpyHoonMain - please would you link the source

@GrumpyHoonMain

But still, very very very little difference and not enough to cause added pressure.

A women should not be thinking "I must breastfeed at all costs because it might mean my child lives 1 year longer"

@GrumpyHoonMain @Parker231

I've just found the study. It's only 1 study. Only 121 people.

And that actually, things that had a bigger impact on telomere lengths including diet such as drinking fizzy drinks.

So no, please do not start spouting random information that has no real grounding and is not even a UK study.