To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

I have EBF, apart from the exhausting early weeks we have found it easy so no regrets. DD is just over 9 months.

I had excellent support though and was very well informed before and it’s been easier than I feared.

I expected it to all go wrong though and to need formula so had some ready. As it goes baby has never had a bottle, just breast.

For me the positives are:
Easy, convenient, immediate source of comfort & connection, cheap (I didn’t need breastpads and no bottles), health benefits for both of us.

But the first 6 weeks or so is a bit of a physical slog, feeding was constant and draining. But also rewarding. I understood cluster feeding, milk production etc and had self confidence. I also did 3 nights at a midwife led unit after my hospital birth where they teach you exactly what to do. Rushing home is the downfall of a lot of FTM (I had a straightforward birth so no medical need to stay).

I agree it really doesn't matter. I FF my first and combi my 2nd for various reasons.
I prefer FF, breast feeding is very tying. You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial but I felt so trapped. You also have the advantage that if bottle feeding it's not just you getting up in the night.
See how it goes maybe? Either is fine honestly.

Never had any desire at all to breast feed either of my children. In fact,the thought of it made me cringe.
Both grew well,slept well- the eldest slept through at 6 weeks,the youngest at 10 weeks- and were happy and contented. Both me and their Dad shared the night feeds.Midwives never tried to force me to breast feed and other family members loved being able to feed them.
Both of my kids are happy,and very healthy. They're rarely ill,and have both done well at school. Do what is best for you,and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

I just found the term: "Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex."
LLL has recommended time.
Ugh.

i've bf 3 kids and never had jealousy from the others - only curiosity. Older one wanted to try it too but that was a bit weird for me as it had been a while ( a year or so - not 'bitty' long haha). I don't think that'll be a problem. I was very sore for number 3 for a couple of months but it's just so much easier to bf than use formula (I switched to formula for the last few months of oldest dc) that for me, it was worth persevering. However, if it makes you anxious then it's not worth it. Give it your best shot and if it's not working for you then it's not working for you. There is no long term glory or shame for the choice you make and your baby will grow just the same regardless of whether its milk is yours or bought from a shop. Your wallet might be a little lighter with the latter ;)

I breastfeed both of mine but that’s cause I’m lazy, had a huge supply and had the support of my sister, mum, Nana and best friend who all BF so I had a network I could call when I started to worry.
The answer always seemed to be give them more boob and sometimes they feed like they are starving other days they will leave you with breasts that feel like they might burst.

I found it easy with my 2nd because I could feed her in the carrier (when a few months old) while playing at the park with my oldest so the baby was just there and not my whole focus.
I had a special box of toys/activities for my oldest that she only got to play with when I as busy with the baby feeding or changing etc, packed a snack box for my toddler in the evening for the following days and I got her involved in a lot of baby activity stuff like changing, picking her clothes, bathing her, singing to the baby, doing silly dances do she would laugh etc but she was a bit older at 3.

Mix feeding gives you the flexibility you might need.

Oh - and both kids in honors/gifted and talented programs, very slim/no oral issues.

I remember this: I remember sobbing for hours that I'd failed DD by giving her formula

Ugh.

Giving breast feeding a go, sounds like a good idea. See how you get on. But all that matters is your baby is happy & healthy-& you too of course!

This isn't going to go well, it is a decisive subject in MN.

I BF my 4DC. I would always encourage mothers to try. I believe lack of support is a big issue.

But ultimately, a fed baby is a happy baby. I would never judge anyone
For their choices, and equally I would not put it to public vote.

Tune out the other voices and follow your instinct.

I FF both my kids I tried to BF DS1 but I really struggled emotionally with it. Felt really touched out and tired bcuz he just wanted me all the time so decided with DS2 I’d just FF straight away. It’s worked rly well for me but I think fed is best. If I had another when the boys are a bit older I think I’d try to breastfeed again as the boys wouldn’t be so clingy

I'd go in with the attitude that you give it a go if you want to and go from there. You may find it's easier this time round, or you may not. I combination fed both mine for the first 4 months, with my first I hated it. With my second I loved it but had to stop as we were passing a infection back and forth. Hope it works out well for you whatever you choose to do.

My chil who was breast fed to a year has constant infections and mh issues

The one I formula fed at 10 weeks does have eczema, but is the healthiest person I know.

There has to be more to it than feeding for a few months.

You choose whatever you want to op. without any guilt at all. Fed is best

BUT!!!!! If you don't want to bf because you think your little one will get jealous that is rediculous. Your lo will either A get jealous anyway (wether your bf or bottle feed) or B will not get jealous.
Your Lo is going to learn a lot about having to share his mum now.

Whatever you choose, the most important thing is you.

The 1st 6 to 8 weeks are the hardest. If you can stick that out its booby heaven!
I had a bad start - C-section which lead to severe sepsis so I had to pump and dump, then I got abscesses and mastitis once I'd finished the antibiotics, and finished up with cracked and bleeding nipples.
However I had lots of support and help. I definitely wouldn't have managed to do it without!!
11 months on and he is still BFing and now it is simply the lazy option. No bottles to faff around with, and when he wakes in the morning I just lie on one side like a mother cat and let him suck away in bed!! It's also handy to have a boob to whip out when they're really upset.

However like I said at the top, dont feel pressured to BF because you "should".
All the best x

Haven't RTFT so apologies if repeating stuff, and I hope people are being kind OP. Its an emotive subject.
I breastfed all mine, for various reasons but a lot to do with an extremely strong family history of allergies, including cows' milk protein allergy. None of them escaped allergies and atopic conditions completely but only one is severely affected and I think it would have been far harder to deal with formula than breastfeeding overall.
I cannot deny that I found the first few months of feeding my first baby extremely hard work and very, very painful. I had loads of advice from different people but nothing really helped until one day I just realised it was ok. I'm not sure even now what was going on, but I think possibly its just that she was really tiny (she was a bit early and had IUGR) so her mouth just wasn't big enough to get a really good latch, even though it looked ok from the outside but as she grew it got better. The other issue I had was that because DD was smaller than she should have been she had a lot if catching up to do and fed crazily frequently even by newborn standards, and I don't think I had the best supply initially either. I was very ill with preeclampsia, had a section and had lost quite a bit of blood so not the ideal start really. But it just got gradually better on its own, I didn't really change anything. Having my sister who had already bf 3 babies around to reassure me that what I was experiencing was common and that it would get better was a big help in my lowest moments, as was my MIL repeatedly trying to persuade me to stop. She now claims she was applying reverse psychology as she knew that telling me that I couldn't do it was bound to make me more determined. I'm not entirely convinced by that explanation but whatever....it worked. By about 3 months it becamea lot better and from 4 or 5 months onwards I found it very enjoyable. Second time was better, only a bit sore for a couple of weeks and I think I had a better supply from early on. I had a healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy, a vaginal birth with minimal blood loss, an average sized baby and I had far more idea what to expect so I didn't stress as much, all of which I think helped.
Third time was painless but supply was an issue. First of all my milk was a bit slow to come in, possibly because of blood loss again. I had a dream pregnancy and birth but then had to go to theatre with a bloody retained placenta - I was so cross! So the first week or so I felt I was a bit low on supply, but then it swung the other way and I hit problems with oversupply and a very fast let down. Fortunately by that stage I knew quite a lot about breastfeeding and figured it all out quite quickly and after that it was a breeze.
So that's my story - same Mum but totally different experiences with each baby. Honestly, I was dreading a repeat of the first 3 months of my first bfing experience but prepared to do it as I knew that long term it would be ok. But it never happened. Your second experience could well be completely different too, you just don't know. I think that my advice would be that if you are unsure, then give bf a try. If you start with breast your baby gets colostrum so even if you don't continue, they've had the best bit. And although its not always the case, as a general rule it is easier to go from breast to bottle than vice versa, especially near the beginning. If you do it the other way and start with formula but then wish you had tried breast, it can be done, but it is often hard to get a baby who has got used to bottles to accept the breast, plus if its after your milk has "come in" you've missed the colostrum.
You're an experienced Mum now and you will probably recognise any problems much quicker this time, and if there are any you can decide whether you think its something you can fix, or you prefer to swap to formula at that stage or maybe mix. Don't put yourself under pressure and remember that you can change your mind at any time. You've formula fed successfully before, you know how to do it and the option is right there any time you choose to use it. But you might find that breastfeeding this baby is a dream in which case you can carry on for as long as you like. Either way, you're in charge.
Whatever you choose, I am afraid your older baby probably will be a bit jealous and there are pros and cons with each feeding method, but little children are remarkably adaptable and usually it passes pretty quickly. I could tell you how I handled it but I have rambled on excessively already and there are probably people who can give far better advice than me anyway. But just remember that if it does happen, its very common, not your fault and "this too shall pass".
Good luck with everything, whatever you choose to do re feeding. I hope everything goes brilliantly for you.

I think the important thing to remember in this debate is breast may be best objectively but it's not best if it leads you to be stressed/exhausted/upset (at a higher level than any new mum).

It's 'best' in the same way that no processed, all home cooked, perfectly balanced food with 7 portions of fruit and veg a day is best. Objectively is it? Absolutely, but in the context of a busy life where you have far more to do than just spend your life cooking it's not best if it leads to a parents stressed beyond belief with nothing to give them fulfilment in life outside of their cooking.

I have breastfed through a severe tongue tie (which caused a lot of pain) and have a whole suit of resources if you need help. After the 12 week mark breastfeeding transformed into something amazing and I am so grateful I stuck at it. Feel free to PM me - will be happy to share my links.

* It's 'best' in the same way that no processed, all home cooked, perfectly balanced food with 7 portions of fruit and veg a day is best. Objectively is it? Absolutely, but in the context of a busy life where you have far more to do than just spend your life cooking it's not best if it leads to a parents stressed beyond belief with nothing to give them fulfilment in life outside of their cooking.*

The busiest women I know always try to breastfeed because it’s quicker and easier than boiling water and sterilizing bottles / formula every 2-3 hours. This idea that breastfeeding is for people with lots of time and formula is for busy mums is a load of crock.

@GrumpyHoonMain

It's not about being busy but just what works for each individual.

Sterilising May take time but for some mothers it's better than the stress and exhaustion breast and cluster feeding can cause.

All I'm trying to say is it may be objectively 'best' but it's not best if it's at the expense of everything else. What works for each mother is her choice, and the only other people who should have any input are her partner and medical professional, but even their opinions are just input, it's ultimately the mothers choice.

The super healthy food example was an analogy, not a direct comparison. To show that it's not always worth doing what's objectively best if it isn't working in the context of an individuals life and circumstances.

First born, I tried bf but similar story to yours. I lasted 4 weeks combination feeding. He had bad tongue tie. He definitely preferred the bottle. 2nd is still being bf at 2.5. My 'failure' was a great help in the beginning. Because I knew more about it, I was more confident. But if my 2nd had been like my 1st, I wouldn't have hesitated going onto formula.

Give it a go if it's what you want to do, don't sweat it if you don't want to continue.

I dunno, I found the bottle fed child easiest cos I left her with Dh without a concern.

Bf is perhaps best but was far from easiest for me.

If you can stick that out its booby heaven!

Not sure whether to cringe or laugh at that comment.

People always say about the convenience of BF compared to FF, but it wasn't that hard putting clean bottles from the dishwasher into the steriliser and pressing the power button. We had a perfect prep which made a bottle ready in less than two minutes and bottles of readymade if we heading out anywhere (remember those heady days when we could leave the house?!). FF DD meant DH could do the occasional feed whilst I had a shower or a nap, or let me have a full night's interrupted sleep post section. DD also had reflux which was successfully treated with carobel in her milk, which you can't do with BF.

I went into it thinking I'd give it a go, but I knew from years on here it's not exactly a walk in the park to get established. My priority was learning to adjust to this huge shift that was a baby and not put too much pressure on myself, physically or mentally. I didn't get offered any BF support in hospital, and DD rejected the boob when we did get some help at 3 days pp. My supply was excellent and I pumped for a while, but I started to feel really sick at the smell of it on me. I was soaking through breast pads and all sorts, milk running down me any time I took a bra off.

I was the same as you OP in feeling more confident about giving it a proper go next time, but I'm leaking milk at 8mos pp. The smell is still making me feel nauseous so I really don't know how it'll go! I'd love to even be able to do a couple of weeks with my next baby. Anyway I'd just roll with it and see what happens- if it clicks, great, but don't be making it the be all and end all.

www.whale.to/a/wiessinger.html