To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

It’s only one Mn where people are criticised for formula feeding. In real life no one commented and supported by helping with giving bottles.

Rule 1: don't ever ask opinions on whether you should bottle-feed or not. You'll get all different views, arguments, thrown data that will be called evidence and in the end of it, you'll be in a no better position to decide what to do.

Much better to ask yourself what you think is right for you with all the information you have about yourself, your oh, your situation and your baby than any stranger.

Do what you feel comfortable with. Give it a go and see how you go but absolutely don't feel guilty if you decide to formula feed, it's not poison! I fed my.lottle boy for 8 weeks but I ended up almost suicidal and under the IAPT team for depression. I loathed every single minute of breast feeding and I had very little support and couldn't afford to get any private help. I hated the feeling of it and that I was the only one who could feed him 24/7, he had tongue the and even after it was snipped he wouldn't latch and I had to use nipple shields. I could barely pump out 2oz even after having a pump stuck to me for over an hour. But I felt I had to do it or face terrible guilt and judgement from other mum's. At one point I was hysterical and begging my husband to let me stop or I wanted to die as I felt I needed to have someone's permission to give it up. He went out and bought me a perfect prep machine and a tin of aptamil. It was the best thing I did, I found formula feeding easy and apart from a judgemental cow in the John Lewis feeding room who said I shouldn't be in there as I bottles fed I didn't get much judgement. I'm 22 weeks with number 2 now and not even considering trying again.

You've had a lot of input on her, OP. So the only thing i will add is this......breastfeeding can sometimes be difficult to begin with, but with good support it becomes much easier usually after a few weeks, until eventually becoming incredibly easy and hassle free. Formula feeding tends to start off reasonably easy and stays that way. So breastfeeding starts off more difficult (sometimes, not always) than using formula, but eventually becomes easier than formula after the initial few weeks (milk on tap, perfect temperature, no bottles or sterilisers, exceedingly portable!).
I only ever breastfed and the initial difficulties were worth it once it became very easy after a few weeks.

they arent comparable so i wouldnt call it excellent. more of a means to an end

@Parker231

Us formula feeders get prickly when posters tell us that we are giving our babies a second rate product and not giving them the best.

what hits a nerve about it? it’s scientifically true

How you feed your baby does not make you a good parent. There are many more decisions and for me formula gave them the excellent start. DT’s are now 20 so I have the benefit of seeing the results.

it’s scientifically true

It’s unnecessary to be like that about it. Formula is a perfectly decent way of feeding a baby.

Who feeds their child totally optimally all through childhood? Absolutely no one in my experience.

@Parker231 you're right, there are so many important aspects of parenting and I'm sure you have your DC's a wonderful start in life. However, when comparing breastmilk and formula there is a clear winner when it comes to nutritional value.

@LaurieMarlow true, but it's like comparing a diet of whole foods to one of processed foods and calling them the same. They're not the same, no one will die from eating the processed foods but it's never going to surpass what the whole foods can provide.

it's like comparing a diet of whole foods to one of processed foods and calling them the same.

No it isn’t. It’s like comparing a good, healthy diet with a good, very marginally less healthy diet.

It’s not exactly the same, but let’s not overplay the difference it makes.

And I speak as someone who had a very positive experience with BFing.

it's like comparing a diet of whole foods to one of processed foods and calling them the same

TBH I don't think that's fair- more like comparing organic whole foods to non organic whole foods, surely?

I don't think it's unfair. Formula is a processed food and breastmilk is a whole one. It's not the most important thing you'll ever do but one is better and I think it's ok to acknowledge that.

For the record, my opinion isn't that formula is bad, I think it has saved loads of lives and is a great alternative.

I don't think it's unfair. Formula is a processed food and breastmilk is a whole one.

Formula has been processed with health credentials as top priority. It’s fortified with many vitamins and minerals. That’s not comparable with the vast majority of processed foods which are generally lacking from a health POV.

The term ‘processed food’ is very negative and while strictly true when applied to formula, you know what you’re trying to do when making that comparison.

Formula is the second best thing you can feed your baby. It’s not a chicken nugget.

It's just that I think a whole foods/ processed foods comparison upsets a lot of people who have chosen to use formula, they feel unfairly criticised and as if their choices are being sneered at. Which is not what I think you were trying to do at all, by the way :)

Years ago in one of the many raging debates about breast vs formula in booju_newju on LiveJournal I remember someone asking 'if a formula was developed that was objectively better than breastmilk would you swap to it'. There was no consensus answer and we got into a nasty fight about how it would never be possible to develop a formula better than breastmilk anyway, as was always the case on booju .

People get really caught up arguing about which is better between breast milk and formula milk, but often forget that there are proven health benefits to the mother from breastfeeding too.

I think there are also benefits to the baby physically from the act of bf as well (something to do with development of jaw/palate). And then there are the other benefits like soothing when the baby is upset or ill, plus bonding.

And then the convenience aspect that’s already been discussed.

The benefits of bf aren’t all to do with the content of the milk itself.

That’s not to say formula feeding is bad btw, but it’s different.

Fed is best and breastfeeding is intense even it does go well. I've been at it 6 weeks with my baby and she's a great feeder. Still want to bin it off every bloody day.

I can see why people give up on it.

You could combination feed as a compromise, or express milk to bottle feed?

That's right about the development of the jaw, Harriet. It's about the actual act of the breastfeeding, the movement of the jaw etc helping the jaw and teeth to develop. So a baby drinking purely expressed breast milk from a bottle would not benefit from that either, for example.

@LynseyLou1982 could you have been suffering DMER? A friend of mine had that.

I was the opposite. DS formula fed for first few days as I was so ill. I worked hard to reestablish BF and I genuinely believe it saved my mental health (I am high risk for Postpartum psychosis due to family history)

Ds1 was combo fed then bottle from 6 weeks. Next two were exclusively bf. Neither was better. Bf more convenient, bottle you can hand to someone else. Give it a whirl. Dont be afraid to let dh give a bottle perhaps in evening so you can sleep if bf

You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial

This is wrong. When you breastfeed the food is always with you, doesn't need sterilising and is always the right temperature.

Or are you referring to feeding in public?

Bottles you need to find somewhere to heat them up, keep them sterilised etc, which actually takes more effort.

Yes the processed food argument is silly in my view. Yes it's processed in the sense that it's powdered milk, but it isn't processed in the sense of unhealthy fast foods.

It's said on purpose to be a dick unfortunately. I don't think you can then backtrack and say but I think it's fine.

Can it not just be left at breastmilk is nutritionally best and formula is a perfectly fine alternative, rather than try and compare different foods..

It won't ruin the bond with him, just make sure you set aside time for just the two of you. I formula fed my baby after two weeks of breastfeeding. I just couldn't do it anymore. It just never felt 'right'. I was way more stressed breastfeeding because I just felt the energy drain out of me after every feed and it was mentally affecting me. My child is now two and happy and healthy! Just do what you think is best for your family.

Honestly? I wouldn't do anything BUT breastfeed because I'm bloody lazy. I wouldn't know how to make up a bottle and I could not be bothered to do it at 4am. I couldn't be bothered with sterilising and remembering to take bottles and all the paraphernalia out with me when I went out. Breastfeeding is just so easy personally for my family. If I've got my boobs, I've got the baby's food. I have absolutely no opinion on families who choose to formula feed other than good on them for feeding their baby! You've got to do what's best for your own family.

Whatever works for you! You will know what’s right. I FF from the start with one of mine, he had 2 bf’s and I hated it, so we exclusively formula fed.

Another one of mine never touched formula and we bf till she was 2 as she latched like a pro, slept well and it worked for us.

Neither kid is any healthier or smarter or more loved.