To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

I wonder if more women would breastfeed longer if combi feeding was pushed and encouraged more. Rather than all or nothing.

Think it's really sad that breastfeeding is not the norm in this country. Things have really gone wrong somewhere. For me, formula was never an option. Am still feeding DS 9 months and I think it is the most wonderful, natural thing in the world. So many benefits for both of us. It's a no brainer really - nutritionally perfect for baby, free, convenient, instantly calms baby, promotes fantastic bonding, weight loss for mum...the list is endless. Yes, it was tough at the start but I was determined and am so glad I persevered. Good luck whatever you choose x

I think some of the benefits you list are not everyone's experience, Horsebox. It's not wonderful for everyone, and not just in a "the beginning is tough but you battle through" way. Natural things aren't always beneficial for everyone. Breastfeeding gave me serious health problems. I combi fed for nine months because exclusive breastfeeding wasn't an option.

Anyway, breastfeeding is the norm in that 80% of women breastfeed their baby at least once. Sustained, exclusive breastfeeding is not the norm, and there's lots of factors behind that. Gluteus is right that it might be good if more people talked about combi feeding.

Horsebox36 totally disagree with your list of benefits! It's not free (breast pads, new bras, new PJ's, tongue tie and lactation consultants), it's convenient some times but definitely not all of the time, it certainly didn't promote bonding for me, by the end of feeding DS I despised having to do it, felt so tired of it and being tied by it, almost resented DS and it made me so ravenous I gained over a stone. To be honest it was pretty shit.

I'm 18 months in to breastfeeding DC2 and I don't hate it as much this time but it's still not the wonderful experience you are making out!

@schoolfeewoes @ILoveStickers it can be easy for some, just like it can be hard for some. So many people get put off because they think it will be hard, it isn't for everyone. DS had lip and tongue tie, it was difficult but we got there and still less faff than bottles.

I didn't even try to breast feed - didn't appeal to me at all. Liked being able to see exactly how much baby had drunk and probably a coincidence but she was a much better sleeper than her breast fed friends. Plus l liked the idea of other people being able to feed her. But totally a personal choice that has to work for you. Really didn't give a toss what anyone else thought.

DD1 had health issues when she was born & was combi fed. I was determined to breastfeed & after a few weeks she was fully breastfed. It was tough & I put a lot of pressure on myself. After the initial stress I did enjoy it & it was very convenient.

DD2 was breastfed from birth but I did give her some expressed bottles quite early on. The flexibility of bottles made it easier with a 3 year old around. I slowly introduced formula from 6 months & she's now on that in the day & breast at night.

Do whatever's right for you & your baby, there are lots of different options & combinations. A happy baby is a fed baby!

Exactly, squirrel friends. It's like birth - people who think their birth was great and so everyone's can be are kidding themselves. Same with h breastfeeding. We don't say "don't tell people about c sections / forceps / inductions in case it puts her off giving birth", and the same should be true of breastfeeding - we should be sharing the whole picture! I honestly think people are more put off by the unrealistic picture of breastfeeding being great and easy, and then they think they're doing it "wrong", than are put off by stories about it being difficult.

School fees - entirely agree with your list! Not a good bonding experience for me. And who are these women who lose weight??

It comes up a lot on these thread about the 'faff' of bottles, as someone who ff pretty much from day 1, I've never experienced this.

It was a simple as making a cup of tea and then putting the cup in the dishwasher when I was done.

(I'm joking, some people must lose weight. I, however, kept a convenient shelf to rest the baby on 😁.)

I just think we need to be supportive of everyone. What's sad to me is that lots of women wish they'd breastfed longer - ideally we should work towards everyone being happy with how they feed.

@IdblowJonSnow

I agree it really doesn't matter. I FF my first and combi my 2nd for various reasons. I prefer FF, breast feeding is very tying. You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial but I felt so trapped. You also have the advantage that if bottle feeding it's not just you getting up in the night. See how it goes maybe? Either is fine honestly.

‘you cant have a life with BF’ its honestly comments like this that make me sick. you make the decision to have a baby and thats the sacrifice you make. yes FF is available but it is not comparable to breast milk in any nutritional sense

@Horsebox36

Think it's really sad that breastfeeding is not the norm in this country. Things have really gone wrong somewhere. For me, formula was never an option. Am still feeding DS 9 months and I think it is the most wonderful, natural thing in the world. So many benefits for both of us. It's a no brainer really - nutritionally perfect for baby, free, convenient, instantly calms baby, promotes fantastic bonding, weight loss for mum...the list is endless. Yes, it was tough at the start but I was determined and am so glad I persevered. Good luck whatever you choose x

Exactly this. FF was never an option for me, never bought anything related to it, even when i was told to get it ‘just in case’

@mum2b2017. @Horsebox36

You might not have considered using formula, I was the opposite, never considered breast feeding. Luckily we have a choice as to how to feed our DC’s. Both give them an excellent start in life.

Hardly excellent, I mean it's fine as an alternative but I would reserve the word excellent for something that's actually the best.

Appreciate all your comments, and appreciate that it may not be so easy or appealing for some people.
I suffered from really bad PND/OCD and I actually think BF saved me in a way. Gave me a focus and sense of achievement/purpose.
I was lucky I suppose, the weight fell off me despite eating colossal amounts.

I suppose Raaa it’s that making a cup of tea is a faff (you have to go into the kitchen for one thing, or if you’re out and about you have to prepare) compared to breastfeeding where you don’t need a kettle, a cup, a power source, water, formula or a dishwasher to achieve the same outcome.

FF has never been an option for me. I bf all my 4 babies and had no issues. It is best for you and your baby - so for me, I could do it and wanted to do it so ff was never on the cards. There was no jealous when a new baby came along. Obviously if one doesn't want to or cannot bf then fair enough. Their body and baby. No judgement here.

@sqirrelfriends - Like everyone else I only have my DC’s to base my decisions on. Mine were solely formula fed and have grown up healthy. So for my DC’s formula has been an excellent start to their lives.

@HarrietM87 - you only need a Perfect Prep to make a formula bottle. Very easy.

@namechanging2020

FF has never been an option for me. I bf all my 4 babies and had no issues. It is best for you and your baby - so for me, I could do it and wanted to do it so ff was never on the cards. There was no jealous when a new baby came along. Obviously if one doesn't want to or cannot bf then fair enough. Their body and baby. No judgement here.

Sorry but it never fails to astound me, the unbelievable arrogance of someone telling another person flat out that breastfeeding is best for them. It wasn’t best for me, it drove me to the brink of PND and badly affected my bond with my daughter for a while. It put immeasurable stress and misery on our family for months (bottle refuser so couldn’t stop). Any minuscule physical benefits that may exist down the line will have been far, far overridden by those real, immediate and significant disadvantages. Please, just try and open your narrow mind just a crack, just enough to acknowledge that different people have different experiences and it is not your place to decree what is best for other women.

@Parker231 I didn’t say it wasn’t easy! I was responding to another poster who said it was the same as making a cup of tea and therefore not a faff. My point was that making a cup of tea be easy, but it’s not as easy as breastfeeding. That’s just a fact.

This one? With all the steps and shaking you have to do yourself?
And you still have to wash and sterilise the bottles too.

That doesn't beat the ease of bf at all.

Once it was established, the ease was about the only benefit of bf for me. I didn’t find ff any particular faff though and would happily make up bottles with a perfect prep over bf-ing, all things considered. Everyone has a different experience and has to weigh up pros and cons for themselves. It is definitely good knowing you have a food source for your baby if you’re out longer than expected. Although with my ff baby I just kept a bottle and a pre-made formula bottle in the changing bag for emergencies.

I BF, but to me the ‘faff’ argument is so overstated. Making up and washing a few bottles is not that big a deal.

There are other kinds of faff with BFing (having to wear bfing friendly clothes all the time, constantly washing feeding bras, pumping if you get into that). That’s not a big deal either.

You make your choice, you cope with hassle, it’s hardly a deal breaker either way.

The thing with BF is the hardest, shittest bit is right at the start, when you're completely overwhelmed, knackered, recovering from birth or surgery, and crazy from hormones. Once you get going it is easy, but it really isn't at the start.