To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

I agree that if you compare well established bf to ff it is less of a faff so yes in comparison bf is easier.

However I mean the job of making a bottle and washing it up in itself isn't the huge job it can be made out to be.

Personally me trying to get my boob in an agitated baby was more of a faff hence why I moved to FF very quickly.

The only steps to a perfect prep is put powder in press button, shake, press button done, again it's hardly a huge task, I had one.

And who are these women who lose weight??

I was one - also didn't get my periods back till over a year - win for me and pre kids they were horrific. I had kids close togther that and bf there was about 5 years of no periods and I was so lucky that seemed to reset everything for me.

The idea is that producing milk burns energy - but some do take that to mean they can eat more or just find they do.

I know some women who found similar to me and others who found that had periods back almost immediatley and didn't lose extra lbs still they stopped bf. It's so individual I don't think either should be listed as benefits of bf.

I do agree with PP we shoudl be working towards all woemn being happy with tehir feeding choices. I also combifeeding isn't more supported and talked about in UK.

woemn being happy with tehir feeding choices

My typing is getting worse - not better

Don’t you wash your bras normally Laurie?! 🤣 Bf didn’t affect the frequency of my laundry, or the clothes I wore (other than nursing bras, though I would have had to buy new ones anyway as my boobs grew loads in pregnancy). And I didn’t pump.

No one is saying that ff is a big hassle, but it obviously is more hassle than established bf which requires no equipment, preparation, supplies whatsoever.

I breastfed all of mine (2 years, 2.5 years, 3 years respectively). I was physically, mentally and emotionally able to do so. It seemed daft to me, when I made milk perfectly designed for my baby, to instead give them formula when I had no need to do so. There are lots of ways breastfeeding was more convenient and straightforward for me. I appreciate the health benefits to us both. More than anything I think I was just brought up with the expectation that if I ever had a baby I would feed them myself, it is what is most normal for me, the thought of formula feeding without some specific reason to do so was odd.

I don't care how you feed your baby as long as your baby is adequately fed. All other things being equal, breast is best. But real life is messy and complicated and often all other things are not equal. If breastfeeding is going to take a toll on your wellbeing to the extent that you will be less able to care for your baby and suffer yourself, of course it is not best in your specific situation.

People get so prickly about this. I was once told that by saying I had never considered formula feeding I was judging and making other women feel bad. I wasn't judging and it's not my fault if my choosing breastfeeding and not considering formula makes other women feel bad.

Give it a go and see. It was much easier for me second time round. Baby had easier exit, so less headache, and was a bigger baby with a bigger mouth. If you can get it then it's much easier than all the washing, sterilizing, making up bottles which will also take you away from time with your toddler. Plus BF gives you one hand free to interact. Bottle requires 2 hands!

Pootles34 I actually found breastfeeding easiest at the start. It was from around 4 months that I found it awful. DS wouldn't take a bottle, was still feeding at least once an hour, day and night, wouldn't be settled without the breast. Couldn't be left at all. It was suffocating. I hated it and could not wait to stop. I honestly wished I'd never started.

Thankfully DC2 was much easier in that respect. Which is good, as I'd have given up as soon as she became a pain in the arse!

My favourite thing about breastfeeding was no periods for over a year.

FF doesn't seem like a faff to me. At least other people can do it as well.

@Raaaa I had the same issue with the agitated baby but in reverse, once he decided he wanted milk he would not wait so formula wouldn't have worked for us.

I spent a night away when he was 8 months, my husband took approximately 5 minutes to get his bottle of expressed milk ready - disaster, he was so upset that he didn't have his milk yet that he couldn't drink it once it was ready. In comparison, popping him on my boob was much, much easier.

Us formula feeders get prickly when posters tell us that we are giving our babies a second rate product and not giving them the best.

The idea is that producing milk burns energy - but some do take that to mean they can eat more or just find they do.

breastfeeding made me absolutely ravenous, which combined with the fact DS breastfed almost constantly and I was pinned to the sofa with him meant I piled on the weight.

Some breast feeding mums get prickly when formula feeding mums say that formula is just as good, it's factually incorrect.

You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial

I don't find that controversial, just total rubbish. Maybe you can't have a life whilst breastfeeding; I breastfed for seven years and had a lovely life throughout. It's not fair to make snide comments like that about breastfeeding when I am sure you would be unhappy to hear snide comments about formula feeding.

Agreed, @Iwalkinmyclothing I don't even understand what she was getting at. How would BF mum have less of a life that a FF one?

Us formula feeders get prickly when posters tell us that we are giving our babies a second rate product and not giving them the best.

You might, but I don't. I breastfed DC1 and absolutely hated every second of the 12 months I did it for. I FF DC2, not one drop of breast milk. I did it knowing that formula is second best.

It was a selfish decision to give my child the second best option, despite having access to the nutritionally best option. But sometimes to preserve your own mental wellbeing you have to be selfish and you have to choose second best. Second best does not mean bad!

@sqirrelfriends

Some breast feeding mums get prickly when formula feeding mums say that formula is just as good, it's factually incorrect.

I don’t get prickly at all. Couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of the choices I make, knowing they’re in the best interests of my very happy little family

@Rainycloudyday good point, maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and be happy I'm providing the best for my son, even if other people disagree.

I think that those that get prickly on either side of the feeding fence aren't completely happy with their decision, get defensive then look to justify their reasons normally by pulling down the opposite view.

Some of us mixed fed at some point at least. So we can compare bottles vs breast.

I think our choice shows that both can have benefits and problems. We just chose the optimal choice that allowed us to have a life for example, but not too much extra work.

Flexibility would be the best, IMO.

I see no reason for fences in fields. Just one big field where you can walk and stand wherever you want.

Don’t you wash your bras normally Laurie?

Well of course

But I had a lot of milk leakage early on and only a few nursing bras (expensive) so had to hand wash constantly.

You cant have a life with BF. I know some will find that controversial

This is bollocks. I had to make adjustments, but I had a great life while bfing. I found 2 weeks to 4 months into maternity leave a blissful time, I loved it. I was out and about lots.

I loved breast feeding and found it very easy each time. Despite this I think bottle feeding is absolutely fine. Doing the 'best' for your baby is what you can manage most of the time. There is no reason to feel guilty about bottle feeding.

My first was ff for multiple reasons. Second bf.

Both are fine. Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

Just be happy!

@Lweji I like your analogy

sqirrelfriends I found that true with DS. He couldn't be left with anyone for more than about 45 minutes (and that was pushing it) until he was about 9 months old. That included his father. It meant I couldn't see my friends, I couldn't go for drinks or to the cinema, no date nights for me and husband. It put a real strain on a number of my relationships. I didn't want to be out every night, or even weekly but once a month or so going to a restaurant or to the cinema doesn't seem unreasonable to me. And I couldn't do that. I missed friends hen do's, weddings, birthdays. I couldn't go out for my own birthday. I felt suffocated and imprisoned. Everywhere I went DS had to come to. Thankfully at 13 months he calmed down a lot, but a work day was about his limit and he stuck to me like glue at weekends. I got so little sleep due to his constant need to breastfeed that I was sick with exhaustion. I had no energy, my hair fell out (I mean beyond postpartum hair loss, resulted in bald patches)

DD was very different and I could go out without her as she fed far less frequently and was happy to be comforted in other ways. It made such a difference to my mental health. But if all you experienced is a child like DS, I can understand why someone may feel breastfeeding stops you having a life.

[quote sqirrelfriends]@Rainycloudyday good point, maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and be happy I'm providing the best for my son, even if other people disagree.[/quote]
Absolutely. If you’re happy with your decisions then great! I’m always baffled by people (largely women I have to say) who are so INVESTED in what other women do and don’t do with their breasts. It’s so odd. They make out they are all about promoting babies’ welfare but if that was the case surely they would be campaigning about child poverty, hunger etc. or any of the many other issues that make hugely more difference to children than how they’re fed for the first few months. Really makes their motives look suspect.

Yes, if you bf and are happy with that choice then of course you shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks! People should focus on their own families and stop being so nosey and weird.