To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

There are 22 months between my middle and youngest. Middle was fascinating by me breast feeding and loved the fact it meant he got lots of stories read to him as I was feeding. He would also get one of his dolls and sit on the sofa with me pretending to feed his baby.

Honestly, your eldest will be fine and will adapt quickly to being the big sibling. Do what feels right to you and you won't go far wrong.

I haven't RTFT so really sorry if I repeat anything.

I think the decision comes down to a lot more than nutrition, because what's 'best' is feeding in a way that means that everyone is well and happy.

I had a slightly unusual journey with breastfeeding because I breastfed for the first couple of weeks, found it really tough-going and moved to formula. I then relactated at around 10 weeks (can't remember exactly when, was sleep-deprived) and am still going at 18 months, DS hasn't had formula since as he then refused it.

If I have another baby, I think I would exclusively breastfeed again, but that's definitely not set in stone. If the time comes and I feel that actually, I'd like baby to have some formula because I need a rest from night feeds or any other reason, then I'll do that. I have friends that formula fed and friends that combo-fed, and we all did the best thing for our families and our babies.

I was determined to bf first time round and changed my usual medication so that I was able to do so. Unfortunately dd1 had a tongue tie and never managed to latch on, I ended up switching to formula after 4 days and managed to feed her that way. I was so disappointed and felt guilty for aes
2nd time my Dr, partner and family encouraged me to stay on my regular meds and just formula feed as they were concerned about my mental health. So dd2 had formula from the start and it was so easy. However she manages her bottles so much better than her older sister and actually I suspect breastfeeding might have worked for us, but it was too late to change my mind by that point.

Basically I'm saying it might be worth giving it a go and seeing how you get on. You already know what you are doing with formula so it will be easy enough if you have to change.

All the angst over breastfeeding and yet, all over the UK parents of toddlers are feeding them all manner of crap. Hyper-processed cereal bars, sugar laden snacks, sprayed fruit.... Makes you wonder whether the angst needs to be redirected. Kids' diets suck.

When I said I was breastfeeding she actually gave me a dirty look wtf? Where do you live OP that people react like that?!

So weird that women judge people for doing with their breasts what they're supposed to do the formula companies and their marketing seriously screwed us over when some women feel it's wrong to breastfeed... not to mention men and their fetishisation of boobs.

So fucked up!

Havent read the full thread but I tried to bf my daughter but she wouldnt latch, and had to Express for a week while she was in hospital and top up with formula at the insistence of the midwives. But I hated it, it made me miserable and I switched to formula as soon as we went home. I'm pregnant with my second now and j wo t he trying to bf, I dont want to and I'm not willing to make myself miserable when I will have another child to look after as well. I hated the way that last time I felt bfing was really pushed on me and I felt like I had to try it even tho I didnt really want to. this time I'll be standing up for myself and what I want to do

I was the same as you with my first. With my second I really wanted it to work and sought help. I still wasn't great at it though. I think I managed 3 months. It was what it was and I never think about it now.

I think breast is definitely best but for some people it doesn’t work out so formula feeding is fine. At the end of the day the baby needs to be fed!

I have done both bottle (expressed) and breast. I personally prefer breast because after the first 3 or 4 weeks learning how, I find it easy & am too lazy/disorganised to fack about washing bottles etc.

In terms of your concerns about your older child being bothered by it..... ime it makes no difference. They will be bothered whichever way you do it as a small baby takes time & attention away from them. However this won't "ruin your bond", it's a normal part of adapting to a sibling and generally just growing older and not getting constant attention from parents.

Guineapigbridge
Your kids diet might suck, mine doesn't. I cook at home, we have home made bread & yoghurt, and the only sugar is in home made cakes and biscuits so I know exactly how much is in.

@Colom

When I said I was breastfeeding she actually gave me a dirty look wtf? Where do you live OP that people react like that?!

So weird that women judge people for doing with their breasts what they're supposed to do the formula companies and their marketing seriously screwed us over when some women feel it's wrong to breastfeed... not to mention men and their fetishisation of boobs.

So fucked up!

I'm Irish. I find a lot of middle aged women here look down on breastfeeding, their all very set in their ways. The ways of giving formula with a spoonful of baby rice to fill the baby up at night, or giving really young babies water instead of milk when they wake at night so they give up and start sleeping through.

She wasn't the only person I felt judged by, but I was most surprised by it as she was working in a bloody chemist for god sake. Plus at that point I already felt so defeated by the whole thing that it was pretty much the last nail in the coffin. She made me feel disgusting.

That was also in a working class area of Dublin, we no longer live there. Where I live now there is a breastfeeding support group and a lot of the local mothers breastfeed. In my old area the local midwives were shocked that I was breastfeeding, mostly because I'm quite young, I was 22 when I had ds. They weren't helpful at all, I think they were used to just having a quick conversation about formula and that being the end of it. I get quite annoyed looking back now.

I’m not having any more, but if I did I would mix feed from the start, no expressing.
I hated all the pressure being on me all the time with BF as DD was a complete bottle refuser. I couldn’t get a break or catch up on sleep. It would have been much better for my mental health if I didn’t have all the pressure and others could help.
Id introduce bottles of formula and a dummy from day 1, alongside BF. I wouldn’t stress if BF didn’t work out. No guilt!

For those dismissing "fed is best" - of course fed is the minimum. Or course it is. But it's very upsetting - for example - for your two or three month old to be loosing weight and be told repeatedly by health professionals to "just keep breastfeeding" because "breast is best" and "she's just finding her level".

At the end of the day, it was very important to be able to say, "no, I don't trust these people any more. Fed is best, and I'm not willing to underfeed my baby anymore for the sake of exclusive breastfeeding."

Her weight shot up back to her birth centile. She'd been so hungry - I'd had serious health problems and no one was willing to take this into account. I was mortified, but I had only been following medical advice. But combination feeding was the right thing to do.

Another time, I'll follow my instincts and not beat myself up about it. Breast is best on a population level - but on an individual level, only you can know how best to feed your baby.

It’s horrible how society makes some people feel guilty over their baby feeding choices (although I’ve not met anyone in real life who has had a feeling of guilt). Whether it be formula or breast, it’s an excellent start in life and at the end of the day doesn’t make any difference. There will be far greater things to worry about.

Breast fed both of mine but I understand the stress and worry. My first was quite ill when born and quite small. In the hospital she would fall asleep a minute after latching on. Even the midwives couldn't wake her. I was so scared she wasn't getting enough for the first 8 weeks or so. Glad I did stick with it but everyone's situation is different. If you feel like you'll regret not breastfeeding then there's no harm in trying. If it doesn't work out then nothings lost.

I struggled hugely with BF, exacerbated massively by the fact my then husband was an abusive bastard. I combo fed for about six weeks and then gave up and FF

To this day I feel a mixture of guilt that I didn’t stick it out and resentment that I have over the years been made to feel so guilty about it.

I think this is what drives the “fed is best” thing.

Almost everyone knows that there is data to show marginal benefits from BF. Many of us who struggled weigh those up against the (in my fairly severe) impact on their MH of having tried and failed, often with a toxic mixture of emotional guilt tripping from midwives and lack of practical support in the background.

Most of us ended up with healthy children and have got to a point where we now feel slightly angry about having been bullied about it.

I must admit I am quite capable of reading scientific evidence of the benefits of breastfeeding objectively but a bit of me dies inside when someone drags the whole painful thing back up again

That’s what “fed is best” means. It means no one died, we survived and our kids are fine. We get that bf is better but we don’t think it’s conclusively better enough for us to wear a hair shirt over it for the rest of our kids’ lives.

For me I knew that I never wanted to even try breastfeeding or expressing breast milk. I knew it wasn't for me. So I didn't. I've never regretted not trying it and won't be if I have more children in the future.

I think the NHS has a lot to answer for in pushing the Breast is Best message so hard at the same time as ...

Failing to back it up with adequate support

Not taking the time to understand how UK cultural norms often work against bfing.

Setting women up to fail isn’t ok.

@thepeopleversuswork that’s a great post

Breast milk is designed for human babies, so it's obviously the best for them, but formula is an excellent alternative or supplement, if you can't breastfeed.

Don't worry about your other child feeling jealous, they probably will anyway, it's just normal, but the usual involving them tactics will help. Once breastfeeding is established it should take up more time than, preparing bottles, washing and so on does, if the time is added up.

If you just want to bf for a month or two you can do mixed feeding from early on so that formula can carry on later. If you want to do this it's a good idea as ebf babies are very resistant to changing to bottles.

Either way don't feel guilt or a failure, the baby is happy either way.

My first was formula fed (much like you I had an awful time, then I developed some health issues that meant I physically couldn't continue). But bf my 2nd was honestly a breeze. The first maybe 2 weeks were an adjustment, but it was truly such a different experience. He actually could feed, whereas dc1 really struggled, and I also found that when I sought out help, HCPs actually listened to me because I was a 2nd time mum (the first time around they largely ignored me even when I tried to raise concerns and ask for specific help and support because surely I didn't know what I was talking about given this was my first).

Honestly, it was the best decision to give it a go. Bf is massively easier than ff when it goes well. And there were no issues with not having time for my older one. If anything, not having to constantly be cleaning and packing up bottles just to leave the house meant I had more time. You have to sit and take time to feed them no matter what, but bf was less of a faff.

You have to do what is right for you and take care of your health and wellbeing first of all, but I could never have imagined having an easy time of it after the horrendous experience I had the first time around. Dc2 was bf for 15 months.

I will always say "breast is best", but also believe that a fed baby is a happy baby.

OP, I would give it a try first. Honestly, generations upon generations of older siblings have watched younger siblings feed, and it's no issue.
But if the breast doesn't work out for you, don't force it either. Move to bottle.

@thepeopleversuswork this!

@Charlottejade89 absolutely. Those who struggle to feed have no idea how hard it can be and the mental toll it takes on you. When you’re in hospital and struggling to feed it’s awful seeing the breastfeeding is best message being rammed down your throat.

If I ever had another child it’s going to be 100% formula fed - no ifs or buts. I really didn’t want to spend a week in hospital after my baby was born but because they wouldn’t feed we couldn’t be discharged - even after I made the choice to formula feed they refused to discharge for another day as they still tried to force breastfeeding. The only person to support me was the breastfeeding specialist who spent hours and hours with us trying to latch and actually told us feed baby formula.