Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

255 replies

outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:49

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

OP posts:
ClosedDoors · 20/06/2020 13:51

Are you in the UK?

bigchris · 20/06/2020 13:53

It all sounds hard work plus lock down etc , it will all have to be in the garden

Thehop · 20/06/2020 13:53

She should be allowed to decline if she wants to poor lass

bigchris · 20/06/2020 13:53

Maybe she wants to see her dad ?

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:54

Surely she couldve said that this morning though?

OP posts:
Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:54

Rather than ermming and arring

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 20/06/2020 13:55

Maybe she wants to see her own dad?

CaptainCabinets · 20/06/2020 13:55

Gosh you sound like very hard work!

titchy · 20/06/2020 13:55

Are none of you following the rules then? Ffs. Angry

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:56

I sound like hard work? It's not hard to say 'no' and then accuse me of not inviting her?

OP posts:
Sooooobored · 20/06/2020 13:57

She said too many people would be in the house. I think that’s a very good reason not to go in the current circumstances.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 20/06/2020 13:57

She doesn’t want to come. Let her be.

HeddaGarbled · 20/06/2020 13:57

She doesn’t know how to decline an invitation graciously. She’s young - she’ll learn how. I was the same at that age - didn’t know how to say no.

What’s wrong with your sister? 😃

Twigletfairy · 20/06/2020 13:57

Is she worried because she doesn't want to be around lots of people while in the midst of a worldwide pandemic?

Sounds like she didn't want to be around so many people but found it difficult to say no outright.

SimonJT · 20/06/2020 13:58

She didn’t want to go but three different people pressured her into making decision on the spot. Not nice to be on the receiving end of that.

SeasonFinale · 20/06/2020 14:01

Does she have her own Dad? If so maybe she wants to see him. If she has lost her Dad maybe it is too much to celebrate Father's Day for her with someone who is NOT HER dad.

Also as everyone has said if she is following guidelines the she is entitled to say no when she feels guidelines will not be stuck to.

strawberry2017 · 20/06/2020 14:02

She may have felt uncomfortable saying no, sometimes when you are invited somewhere and it's face to face even if you have a proper reason to say no thank you, it can still be very hard to say.
It's possible she felt a little on the spot.
Unless there's a big back story I'd let it go and move on. Pick your battles in relationships.

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 14:02

My problem is not that she doesnt want to come but that she said 'maybe' despite knowing she didnt want to and then said she didnt know she was invited

OP posts:
NoCureForLove · 20/06/2020 14:05

Perhaps it was difficult to tell your parents she didn't want to be socialising in lockdown with a larger number of people?

onalongsabbatical · 20/06/2020 14:05

Maybe she felt awkward saying no and thought it would hurt you? Assertiveness can be really hard you know!

Clevererthanyou · 20/06/2020 14:05

Some people don’t like saying no and worry they will offend. It seems like that is the case here. I think you need to wear full P.P.E tomorrow if there will be a full house.

Hayes178 · 20/06/2020 14:06

If she felt uncomfortable declining the invitation, saying 'maybe' is just a delay until she has the courage. Maybe she wasn't actually sure when she said maybe, she was still considering it. You sound impossible. Leave her be.

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 14:10

And nobody is saying anything about that she lied about not being invited?

OP posts:
tara66 · 20/06/2020 14:12

Seems she does not want to go for tea (why?). But does not want to say so. Annoying.

Hayes178 · 20/06/2020 14:13

Maybe she didn't lie, she could of genuinely forgot. Or she could of said it as another diversion to delay declining the invitation but now feels she has to stick with the lie from your explosive reaction