Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

[outlook10101]

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing

This was your clue to her feelings. I think you need to work on reading signals and being empathic.

Also you are labelling her very harshly.."accusing, lied and weird". All of her reasons sound very rationale. She has explained she is introverted, she has said she finds too many people tiring, she has told you that there maybe too many people there..I am not sure why you are angry with her or why you don't understand.

Some feedback- you sound very black & white with lower emotional intelligence. Might be worth you developing your emotional intelligence to include greater empathy and seeking to understand your partners perspective.

Be gentle, say she is welcome but you understand that it might not be right for her so you will leave the invitation open.

Maybe she has some integrity and doesn’t want to break lock down rules, potentially increase transmission rates and possibly kill people. Some of us try to avoid that.

You don't sound very nice at all. Have you seen there is a worldwide pandemic and we shouldn't be mixing households?

Tbh, even if there will be only 6 of you and you will remain outside the whole time, I wouldn’t be pushing it atm. She doesn’t want to be there. Simple as that.

I hate when people push for a blunt no when its clearly obvious that someone is trying/struggling to refuse without causing offense. I often find that these pushy people often find it rude when they do get a blunt no. Really the issue is they arent getting their own way.

She may want to see her own dad , and if he is absent ,or passed away , it may be a hard day for her , I dread Father’s Day since I lost my own dad and do feel resentful that others still have their dad so would rather not recognise the day in any way.

I'm the same as her with her "weird personality" because she goes quiet when your family are there. I do that. It's not because I'm rude, although I get how it can come off that way. It's just because it's take me a good while to get used to people and gauge their sense of humour etc. I'm polite, but not chatty. And depending on how often I see these people, it'll vary in how long it takes for me to be able to initiate conversation, or even keep one flowing.

For example I used to be so quiet around DHs family until I'd been around them a while, now they can't shit me up. Where as when we go for food with his friends, who I only see every few months, I don't really talk a whole lot. I'm not mute, but I'm not "me" if that makes sense.

You seem to equating being introverted with being quiet and alack of confidence. They are not the same thing at all. You can have extroverts who have no confidence and introverts with lots. I'm a confident, talkative introvert. But I don't have 'stamina' for being social for long. It exhausts me quickly. I need alone time to 'recover'. I get peopled-out quickly. Even if I like someone if they catch me when I'm peopled-out, I'm quiet and seem withdrawn. If they catch me before I get peopled out I can be the life of the party. And acquaintances are the worst - I find people I slightly know the most exhausting of all.

For goodness' sake, they're on about opening pubs in 2 weeks, I don't think house gatherings will make much difference at this stage.

Aside from that, agree that you sound like hard work. She hardly told a big malicious lie.

you arent answering the "why in the house in lockdown" pp

Sounds like she just DOESN'T WANT TO. She know, what with your odd personality, that you'll kick off and strop that she doesn't like your family enough and she must be crazy not to want to spend hours on end with you all. Right?

She has quite a weird personality (I dont mean this badly) but weird in a way that she can be so talkative and confident but when my sister and her boufriend are there she goes quiet. She tells me she's just a bit introverted and that she finds socialising tiring but to me she seems confident apart from when she sees my sister

You sound very emotionally immature, OP, and I'd advise your girlfriend to drop you and find a boyfriend who is more developed in that respect. Even when she tells you the reasons you appear incapable of understanding.

She also appears to be very sensible with regard to mixing with lots of people from different households. Why aren't you?

She doesn't want to go. Stop trying to force her. She just didn't know how to tell you as she's feeling awkward and probably knows you're going to be a dickhead about it.

Perhaps she doesn’t feel comfortable socialising with the current situation and doesn’t want to come across rude by saying.

Can I ask the OP why the current rules during the pandemic do not apply to their family?

And also why there are many millions of us NOT getting together for Father's Day, despite desperately wanting to?

Im afraid youre in the wrong here, assuming your in the UK as you havent answered a PP who posed that question in the thread. The only way tomorrows gathering is allowed at the moment is if you are outside, 2 metres apart and no more than 6 people in total, so I am guessing there is more people and you are all inside for a sit down meal, could be wrong and put my hands up if I am. You have made the choice to ignore the guidelines, but perhaps your GF wants to follow them.

She probably didn't want to break the lockdown rules funnily enough

It sounds like you're quite annoyed at her! It's probably a bit intense, especially as it's not her dad. Maybe she didnt want to say as it's a bit awkward? Also definitely too many if it's in the house! She probably assumed you'd get the hint.

She probably felt uncomfortable saying no to your parents and getting questioned further about why she didn’t want to come, you all sound very intense. Leave the poor lass alone, you don’t have to spend every moment together!

It is against the rules so you shouldn't have really asked her anwyay.

She’s a liar and was trying to gaslight you. I would dump and run to be honest

Also you can be chatty and yet shy and introverted in front of other people! You're not making yourself sound great op.

Maybe she's not interested in seeing someone else's dad on Father's Day?

How would your mum or dad have reacted if she'd just said no there & then?

So you & your dad both told her that she had been invited & then you checked with your mum?

Bloody hell, poor girl!

I think she sounds like a really sensible person who’s feeling awkward and trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

She didn't know how to decline politely and then she was asked in front of a huge group of people.