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AIBU?

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Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

255 replies

outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:49

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

OP posts:
Thinkingabout1t · 20/06/2020 15:18

*And nobody is saying anything about that she lied about not being invited?

OP, it sounds as if she felt cornered by you and your relatives and was just trying to get out of it without hurting anyone's feelings. I very much dislike people lying, but this sounds totally understandable to me. She is a bit shy and has difficulty refusing an invitation. If you want to stay with her, don't try to force her into things she doesn't want to do.

NoPointInWednesdays · 20/06/2020 15:18

Your flogging a dead horse here OP.......LET IT GO!!!!!! I feel sorry for your girlfriend if this is the way you go on Hmm

GabsAlot · 20/06/2020 15:19

people think im an extrovert-im not im just very chatty around people i know-when i dont know them or dont get on im very quiet doesnt mean anything

but youre now avoiding the quesiton about lockdown-why are you in each others houses

Zippy1510 · 20/06/2020 15:19

Maybe she wasn’t uncomfortable turning round to your dad and having to educate him on the lock down rules. Or saying “actually I think you are all being hugely irresponsible and I don’t want to be part of it”.

Zippy1510 · 20/06/2020 15:19

Comfortable *

GabsAlot · 20/06/2020 15:20

oh also if someone is goingon at me about doing something i say maybe-its a more polite way of saying no

PumpkinPie2016 · 20/06/2020 15:20

Maybe she forgot about the invitation/maybe she felt awkward being asked in front of people and didn't know what to say.

Several people have asked if she has a father she might like to see? Has she? Even if she hasn't, perhaps it's a difficult day for her due to not having a father.

Maybe she just doesn't want to go and isn't sure how best to say no. She is allowed to not want to go.

My husband knows a couple who he met before I met him. We went to visit not long after we met and it tunred out that me and the lady just didn't get on. At all. I used to feel awkward if visiting them was suggested. Nowadays, my husband knows I can't stand the woman so he visits alone Grin

To be honest,you don't sound very nice and I don't think you sound all that compatible.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 20/06/2020 15:21

I think she lied because she couldn't think of any other thing to say in the situation she'd been put in. Sounds like she was trying to be polite but ended up blurting out something that wasn't true. I wonder if she was hoping you'd take the hint and stop pressuring her instead of continuing to try and get her to say yes in front of your parents.

You're making this into a much bigger deal than it is.

Brefugee · 20/06/2020 15:21

She was probably trying to diffuse the situation with the "didn't know i was invited" thing without saying, out loud, in front of all of you, and none of you has the social awareness to pick up on it.

Believe her when she says she's introverted. Of course she's not introverted with you, she's your girlfriend. Learn to read the cues she gives you.

Agree with PP that she sounds a bit scared of saying no to you. She needs a better partner.

diddl · 20/06/2020 15:22

Tbh what I get from this is whatever she says or does is wrong.

She told you she forgot-you don't believe her.

She told you she'll see you Monday & you wouldn't accept that-why not?

She gave a valid reason & you asked her how dare she use that as an excuse-well why the fuck shouldn't she?

If you think that she lied & it bothers you so much, for her sake, split up.

Seems she's not allowed to say no to an invitation & she knows it.

Stop being a bully!

midsomermurderess · 20/06/2020 15:22

It all sounds very intense.

Seaweed42 · 20/06/2020 15:23

She might have social anxiety and feels particularly wary of judgement by your sister. Is your sister a loud confident type?
People with social anxiety can cope quite well in some situations but then react quite extremely in others. So it's hard to spot sometimes.

TheGardenFairy · 20/06/2020 15:24

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked

Maybe you have a tendency to overreact when she has said “no” in the past, and was looking for an excuse rather than a straight up “no”.

Stop acting like a toddler. She doesn’t want to be with you and your family on Father’s Day. Respect that.

Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 15:24

I’m with your girlfriend. Shouldn’t be loads of people in the house right now. Outside whilst social distancing in the sun is fine - having loads of people in the house is not. I wouldn’t go either.

Also, it’s your dad not hers. She doesn’t need to be there. Maybe she wan a chill day.

Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 15:25

Also, maybe she doesn’t want to anyway? Maybe she doesn’t like big groups of people. I certainly don’t covid or not I avoid it.

titchy · 20/06/2020 15:28

Fucking hell dude you sound more like an abusive wanker with each post. Why did you post here? To find some ammunition to berate her with? Or to genuinely try and understand? If the former, fuck right off and for her sake end the relationship. If the latter then listen to what everyone is saying. You're really not looking like a nice boyfriend here at all.

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 15:28

@outlook10101 You are clearly still reading BUT ignoring the comments about lockdown! FGS

You are not allowed in anyone's house.

The only reason is if they or you are single household and you join up as a bubble.

You can't have this gathering so maybe stop and ask yourself why you think you can when so many families are not, in order to protect people's health?

Selfish or what?

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 15:29

@titchy- is the OP male (or female?)

whataballbag · 20/06/2020 15:29

No advice but glad I'm not your girlfriend jeeeez

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 15:29

Are you male or female @outlook10101

NameChange657 · 20/06/2020 15:30

I understand sometimes people can be misinterpreted online, but you are coming across as a very controlling / angry individual. Please, for the sake of your relationship with a woman you (?) love, understand this. You should seek some support, this can't be nice for either of you.

Carouselfish · 20/06/2020 15:32

So she misunderstood she was invited, was then told she was by three people at once, said maybe (bit hard to say no thanks without feeling rude) then told you she'd see you Monday as it was too many people.
She sounds normal and like she didn't want to go from the outset but was trying to be polite. You sound like you take things way too personally. She likes you, maybe she doesn't like your sister - what are your reasons for thinking that? Even if she doesn't it doesn't matter. She's not in a relationship with her.
You sound really young OP. It's your dad and your sister. She's your girlfriend, not your wife and has no obligation to hang out with them.

Irishgene · 20/06/2020 15:33

You sound like a 12 year old the way you're going on! Who cares, she's not coming for tea and you're wound up that she didn't say no from the off.

I can't believe that you've not addressed all the people asking why you and your family are breaking the 'lockdown rules'! Well.....why are you not bothered about the rules?

Doggodogington · 20/06/2020 15:34

Wow, she said a little lie (because she was trying to put off answering the question), it was hardly crime of the century!!
I’m an introvert, I could be my self around my boyfriends but would clam up around their families. It’s not a “weird” personality, you sound like a dick.

Prayerwheel · 20/06/2020 15:35

I think she lied because she couldn't think of any other thing to say in the situation she'd been put in. Sounds like she was trying to be polite but ended up blurting out something that wasn't true. I wonder if she was hoping you'd take the hint and stop pressuring her instead of continuing to try and get her to say yes in front of your parents.

This, exactly. And because 'I'd rather cut my own head off than attend a father's day afternoon tea with your parents, sister and sister's boyfriend' might be a bit much.