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Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

255 replies

outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:49

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

OP posts:
NoPointInWednesdays · 20/06/2020 14:50

Well aren’t you a treat Hmm she’s not committed the crime of the century like your making out!! As other PP’s have said she maybe didn’t feel comfortable saying no to your mum and dad ( you said yourself she was reluctant so read the cue ) or she wants to see her own dad or it’s hard for her. Honestly you sound like hard work and doesn’t look like this thread has went the way you expected either. If I were you I would be saying sorry to her for over reacting and let it go.

Jenasaurus · 20/06/2020 14:50

Also she didnt lie when she answered the question, "maybe" means she was considering it and then later she gave you her answer, you cant ask a question and then be cross when they dont give the answer you want. She may genuinely have been weighing it up in her mind, maybe watching the briefings to see if there was a change in the rules before commiting. Like others have said, its fathers day tomorrow, and she probably wants to visit her own dad.

La1ka · 20/06/2020 14:51

As an introvert with social anxiety all I can say is yep. So loud and outgoing with people I am close to, panic and make a mess of talking to absolutely everyone else in the world. I umm and errr, I don’t look at people and the idea of hanging out with lots of people or new people makes me stress and panic for weeks. She said no, sometimes your partner will say no in life. You compromise. She came to see your parents, but doesn’t fancy a dinner with your sister.

This isn’t a big deal, you aren’t being fair. Let it go and move on.

theprincessmittens · 20/06/2020 14:51

Why are you angry at her?

She's an adult, she's allowed to consider a invitation and then turn it down. Maybe as tomorrow is Father's Day - and you aren't her father - she felt the invitation was only valid if it was confirmed by your father?

And I know I never visited (or would have wanted to) my boyfriend's parents on Mother's or Father's Day. Family time only...

I'm also the life and soul of the party with people I know well. More than a two or three people and I get like your girlfriend, and I also can find socialising very tiring. I'd hate to think that someone who supposedly loves me would be judging me for that.

You don't actually seem to like her that much. I hope she sees sense and dumps you and your pushy family soon.

Ballsballsballs76 · 20/06/2020 14:51

Actually @outlook10101 you could do with realising how lucky you are to have such a sensible partner.

Be more like her and less like your parents. Grin

Pugsrus · 20/06/2020 14:52

If you were married and together years I would agree with you .
I think you are bing to heavy,and you risk pushing her away
I hate seeing family when there’s lots of them there at once ,it’s overwhelming.
Leave her be ,she’s fine

dialmformmmm · 20/06/2020 14:52

Angry much?

Hope she has family and friends behind her to counterbalance your 'personality'.

Actually. I hope she dumps you!

theprincessmittens · 20/06/2020 14:52

p.s. She's also allowed to not like your sister.

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 14:53

@outlook10101 You aren't allowed to do this anyway.

Do you not know the lockdown rules?

If you and your parents are a couple, then the only contact you can have is outside.

diddl · 20/06/2020 14:56

If she lied about not knowing she was invited that's obviously wrong, but you telling her not to use "too many people" as an excuse is utterly wrong.

Then she apologised to you (why?) and said she'll be there if it means a lot.

I hope she sees this & dumps you tbh.

RandomMess · 20/06/2020 14:57

Maybe she fancies your sister, maybe she resale doesn't like her?

How has your sister got on with your previous partners?

Why haven't you asked her what her issue is with your sister?

Ontheboardwalk · 20/06/2020 14:58

outlook10101 exactly how many households are you looking to combine tomorrow?

TSSDNCOP · 20/06/2020 14:58

It sounds like she wants to comply with lockdown rules but doesn't want to say that. I can't really think why you are meeting in the way you are to be honest and think she is right.

orangejuicer · 20/06/2020 14:59

And OP doesn't return...

CommunistLegoBloc · 20/06/2020 15:01

Are you male or female?

Why aren't you observing lockdown?

GinDrinker00 · 20/06/2020 15:06

Maybe she wants to see her own family? Or that there’s to many people there? Bit weird to expect her to celebrate Father’s Day for someone whose not her dad. It’s not like you’ve been together long, a year isn’t long at all.

GinDrinker00 · 20/06/2020 15:08

Actually reading your comments op, you sound a bit of a bully.

LegallyBlue · 20/06/2020 15:10

Any person with a brain cell can tell she didn't want to go for tea. It's pretty clear she didn't want to be rude by rejecting your invitation but she has two very good reasons. 1. You're breaking lockdown rules and putting everyone at risk and 2. Maybe she'd like to see her own father. She's doing nothing wrong - poor lass.

TheGardenFairy · 20/06/2020 15:12

Maybe

  • She doesn’t want to be indoors with 5 other people as per Covid Guidelines
  • She feels uncomfortable telling you “No”
  • She is shy around a group of people she doesn’t really know
  • She doesn’t like your sister.

What do you expect us to say? We have as much idea as you as to why your GF declined the invitation.

Whatever her reason she doesn’t want to meet up, indoors, with you and your family. Just respect her decision

LegallyBlue · 20/06/2020 15:13

@Pugsrus If you were married and together years I would agree with you
Really? Being married means you have to break lockdown rules when your husband says so? Being married means you have to spend Father's Day with your husband's father instead of yours?
Married or not, OP is completely in the wrong.

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 15:13

But she shouldnt have lied!! After she laughed and turned to me and said she didnt know she was invited, even my dad stuck up for me and said we did invite her,
And she went all quiet and taken aback so clearly knew she got caught out

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 20/06/2020 15:13

And nobody is saying anything about that she lied about not being invited?

Instead of fishing for outrage here over the fact she cant say 'no', how about you step up and have a conversation with her about that.
You need to understand that young women are socialised to believe its a rude word and to be scared to use it. So explain to her its ok to say 'no'.

But you had better mean it. Because having a partner ignore 'no' can damage the relationship.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 20/06/2020 15:15

I think she was way off the mark for saying she was not invited, it is not on to lie and probably get someone else in trouble just because she doesn’t feel comfortably going.

She should just have said that she had other plans, would rather let you enjoy it together as a family rather than lying.

Yeah, she may be scared to say no, but us she scared it just uncomfortable? Either way I would just respect her decision and move on.

GinDrinker00 · 20/06/2020 15:18

Sound like she lied because she was scared of your reaction saying no.
You need to respect her decision, and grow up a bit OP. She’s allowed to decline to your invite, you’re completely overreacting and you’ll end up dumped if you carry on.

backseatcookers · 20/06/2020 15:18

Any person with a brain cell can tell she didn't want to go for tea. It's pretty clear she didn't want to be rude by rejecting your invitation but she has two very good reasons. 1. You're breaking lockdown rules and putting everyone at risk and 2. Maybe she'd like to see her own father. She's doing nothing wrong - poor lass.

Agree.

You sound a bit of a bully OP.

If you don't allow people to say no then after a while they will invent reasons they think you might accept or take as a hint.

It's clear if you don't get the answer you want, you push and push. It's not a very appealing quality and it sounds like it is rooted in immaturity for you so maybe something you can work on as you grow as a person.