Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

[outlook10101]

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

You sound 14 not 24.

Maybe she's actually thinking 'wtf is wrong with your family' given you're not supposed to be going round peoples houses willy nilly.

She really doesn't want to come for tea.
Yes, there's a chance she doesn't like your Sister and there's also a chance she's worried (quite rightly) about all of you together in the house.
There's also a chance that she feels uncomfortable being asked to a 'Father's day' tea with her boyfriend's father and family when you have only been together a year. Perhaps she is worried it's moving too fast and she doesn't want to be part of such an event?
Whether it's your DS, coronavirus or the latter it's pretty obvious she's not coming so I'd just leave it.

You shouldn't be mixing multiple households in one house.

You shouldn't be having so many people from different households together. Your girlfriend should not have been in your house today.

And nobody is saying anything about that she lied about not being invited?

She said that in response to being asked if she was coming, again. She said that to avoid answering the question. Because it's a problem for her to say no.

Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable telling you that she wasn’t happy with you mixing households. She possibly lied or may have genuinely forgotten. You sound as though you’re making this far bigger than it needs to be.

What’s the issue with your sister?

Given that you've made such a fuss about it I'm not surprised she was evasive.

She was trying to get out of it politely, didn't do the most elegant job, but she doesnt want to come.

Just leave it.

She has quite a weird personality (I dont mean this badly) but weird in a way that she can be so talkative and confident but when my sister and her boufriend are there she goes quiet. She tells me she's just a bit introverted and that she finds socialising tiring but to me she seems confident apart from when she sees my sister

Its a bit of a storm in a tea cup.

My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

"Maybe" in front of your mum does not mean "maybe", in this context it means "fuck no, but I don't know how to say that without causing offence, so I'll tell my boyfriend later when we're alone together."

Could she have anxiety about eating in front of other people? I have and I declined a birthday meal out with my first boyfriend due to this. I did eventually go as everyone was going on at me but I felt sick the whole time as I was a slow eater so always last to finish them felt everyone was waiting for me. I'm in my 40s now and still only eat in front of people I'm comfortable with

I feel a bit sorry for her

You and your family do sound rather pushy. She wasn't enthusiastic from the start but now you kept on needling and criticising her rather than just leaving it. You don't seem to even think that she may have her own reasons for not wanting to celebrate someone else's father.

A weird personality? You sound horrid.
Maybe she just doesn’t like them.
I’m guessing none of you are following the lockdown advice then?

She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked
She's deliberately playing passive aggressive games with you and your family.....is this the kind of person you want in your life?

‘How dare she use that as an excuse’
Wow.
If she genuinely is bothered by that - that’s totally valid. You are unreasonable to respond in that way

Ok so what could the issue with your sister be? Any clues you can see? Or could you ask her if your sister has upset her? Could have happened without you knowing it, you know.

She has quite a weird personality

Touché.

Well, maybe she thinks your family are irresponsible and stupid for having so many people over at once to share food and utensils, but didn’t want to start an argument by saying so and didn’t want to spoil your day with your family by saying she disapproved. Not sure, tbh, why you are so obsessed with pushing the matter, given the fact you are breaking the current guidelines if you are in the UK. Save your petty squabbles about whether or not she likes your sister for when she doesn’t actually have a good reason not to want to come over.

It sounds like she wants to abide by the lockdown rules going by her comment about too many people being in the house. I would be wary about going of any kind of gathering right now and if someone is offended when I decline their invitation, then tough. I'd rather not risk catching the virus when we are so close to getting back to some kind of normality.

You do sound pretty angry with her.

Introverted people can be very talkative and confident with people that they know well and are comfortable with, and quiet and reserved with people that they don’t. That’s the very nature of introversion. It doesn’t make her weird.

Aren’t you going to acknowledge that we’re in lockdown and aren’t allowed in each other’s houses? That alone means you’re not going to get much sympathy

She sounds a bit scared of you tbh.

She is uncomfortable telling your parents no. How difficult is that to understand? It's not uncommon