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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

255 replies

outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:49

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

OP posts:
spinningaround72 · 20/06/2020 17:52

Maybe shes trying to avoid telling you she doesnt want to go because you're mixing households and you're an idiot for doing so. It's clear from this thread you wont just take no for an answer

unlikelytobe · 20/06/2020 17:54

I almost wonder if this is for real as it sounds so childish and ridiculous. Meanwhile, the OP ignores all questions they don't like and ploughs on with their mantra "wah, she lied to me". Try dealing with the suggestions of most people here and improve the way you treat and view your girlfriend.

And if your girlfriend is reading this....RUN!

cologne4711 · 20/06/2020 18:03

*neither does it matter what sex the OP is

I was thinking this too, but it could have a bearing on not getting on with the sister.

Yes of course she should have just said no, but it's not that easy and women are socialised to be polite and say "maybe" when they say "no" (its generally a British thing anyway to beat around the bush).

She didn't "lie", she was trying to avoid an embarrassing situation.

And you are not allowed to have this gathering anyway, if you are in the UK, as countless posters have tried to tell you!

TeaChocKitKat · 20/06/2020 18:04

You sound like a bully. Your poor girlfriend.

mortforya · 20/06/2020 18:04

Op you are old enough to know that a high percentage of people have a social anxiety of being around too many people at the same time. It's exhausting to some more than others, you should have alot more respect for your girlfriend, not everyone is a social butterfly. Just because you don't find it difficult, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else. And because these people are in the minority of society, they feel they can't be honest and say they don't want to meet because they will get a barrage of abuse, so to keep society happy, they come up with silly excuses. You sound like too much hard work for her to be honest, you are not sensitive to her needs and you are expecting too much, please, if you care alot for her, you will be more understanding in future and accept no as no.

lilgreen · 20/06/2020 18:20

Yo shoulder be inside in the house. Maybe she’s worried that you plan to break the rules.

QueSera · 20/06/2020 18:31

Sounds like you and your parents ganged up on her, and you accused her of lying in front of them. That's really not nice. No wonder she doesn't want to come.
Plus there's a lockdown on - you're not supposed to be mixing households like this, not more than two households and definitely not indoors.

Beautiful3 · 20/06/2020 18:37

This is something I used to do too. Because I was shy and didn't want to appear rude for saying, no thank you. Give her a break. Maybe she feels anxious at meeting the extended family? Perhaps she wants to spend it with her own dad? Just tell her it's okay if she doesn't want to come and forget about why she fibbed.

SociallyDistantPenguin · 20/06/2020 19:28

My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around

To me, that's not necessarily a clear invitation. Especially if it's asked as a part of a group conversation where I wouldn't be sure if I'm only being asked for the sake of being polite. I wouldn't be sure if I'm really wanted there so would be vague in response.
The context matters, as does the tone and delivery. Sometimes it's clear and sometimes it's not.

Calling her a liar is out of order.

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 19:32

Guess i'm wrong then

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 20/06/2020 19:35

Have you told her she doesnt have to come and youll see her on monday? Or are you saying youre wrong, but still making her come to yours?

Davincitoad · 20/06/2020 19:35

Are we allowed gatherings in houses now? Must have missed that

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 19:41

@outlook10101

Now look... you have been asked, told, advised...whichever that the kind of meeting you invited your GF to is banned AND IF YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.

You have ignored every single comment about your intention to break lockdown.

(And assume your parents are in cahoots too.)

Why?

Do you not want to engage with the lockdown?

Have you been breaking it all along?

Are you one of those people who think it doesn't apply to them?

I'm really, really wanting to hear your answer.

Takingontheworld · 20/06/2020 19:42

@outlook10101

Guess i'm wrong then
You sound convinced 😂
AcrossthePond55 · 20/06/2020 19:46

outlook Yep, you're wrong. I'm glad you see that now.

So, now what are you going to do about it?

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 19:48

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once.

@outlook10101 It'c quite clear from the above in your first post that you are not following lockdown at all.

You and your GF don't live together- or why would she say she would 'see you Monday'.

So you should not be in the same car.

You cannot be 2 mtrs apart in a car.

Do you not understand, or are you just selfish and don't give a F...k about a pandemic and how you both could be spreading it (even if you have no symptoms.)

heartsonacake · 20/06/2020 19:53

Yep, YABU and you behaved awfully by saying she lied.

She was umming and ahhing, which is a very clear sign she didn’t want to go but didn’t want to be rude and outright say so. It was rude of you and your parents to put her on the spot like that.

She probably lied and said she didn’t receive an invite because she was nervous and panicking.

You sound unsympathetic and if I was her I’d leave you over this. It’s indicative of a much bigger issue.

mollibu · 20/06/2020 19:59

@outlook10101

Guess i'm wrong then
Very much so. Please be kinder to your partner.
ChasingRainbows19 · 20/06/2020 20:14

Maybe she felt awkward being out on the spot and didn't want to offend by saying a straight No.

We are in a pandemic people don't want to be around lots of people.....

ilovesooty · 20/06/2020 20:18

Sounds as though the OP has bullying parents as role models.

forgetthehousework · 20/06/2020 20:26

Outlook10101
"Guess I'm wrong then"

If you are still having to guess after all the posts on here, I'd have to say you are remarkably stupid.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 20/06/2020 20:33

@outlook10101

Guess i'm wrong then
Yep. Glad we could help.

Now apologise and mean it, and actually change your behaviour towards her, and maybe she'll give you another chance.

I wouldn't.

bananaontoast1 · 20/06/2020 20:37

I think you should dump her, and consider it a lucky escape...

... for her.

JingsMahBucket · 20/06/2020 22:04

@JinglingHellsBells
I'm really, really wanting to hear your answer.

The OP doesn’t owe you one.

JinglingHellsBells · 20/06/2020 22:24

I didn't say she owed me one.

I said I'd like one :)