Text made me so uncomfortable

[fleabagismyspiritanimal]

Long term user, name changed for this.

So, a while ago, my company got a new CEO. Nice chap, family man etc.
Sometimes works out of our office as more local to his home then HQ.

First time I met him I was dressed very casually, with my hair in 2 long plaits, some jokes were made. But office is very casual so no one cared.
Overtime he started to use me (I am the office manager) as a sort of PA, I'm good at what I do, and he valued my input and I figured, what the hell, possible career climb.
Comments kept getting made about my pigtails and how pretty I am. But I could never find anything inherently wrong and asked a guy friend who said he didn't feel it was inappropriate but more banter.

Cut to now. I've been furloughed for a few months. Office is starting to return.
Cue a text from said CEO, to my personal phone, saying "hi ---, hows furlough been? Missed your pretty face around the office the last few months..."
Second message slides in
"I have some policy I could use your input on, but only if you wear your hair in those pigtails...."

It's made me really uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.
This feels like a step too far. It was one thing when jokes were made, and silly comments in company emails but this is my private phone.
I'm not overreacting am I?
I haven't replied yet.

Oh, and yes, keep a screenshot. What he's done so far is sadly, not enough. But if he continues along this route, you'll need the evidence.
If he asks you why you didn't reply to his message, say that you don't use your private number for work correspondence, and ask who gave it to him.

I agree with @Disquieted1. Alot of ppl not getting how HR works. They are not pro-individual employees, their function is to achieve company goals & company is the Board or owners, whoever sits on the throne. Yes, this is inappropriate & he crossed a line & OP needs to deal with it. If she wants to stay in the job, then a subtle but strong message to him to stop is needed such as the previously suggested email. If she wants to go nuclear, then fair enough.... but HR is not gojng to be all happy clappy about it & keen to topple the CEO. As for whomever said about getting another job & then suing...you'd want alot more than one text such as CEO sent to OP to succeed ...there is generally a whole grievance procedure around constructive dismissal. Send the email as you decided, keep your interactions strictly professional, no room for misinterpretation. If it escalates & he makes remarks in future, address it directly & immediately to him & after that take it further. But HR is not a magic wand... they do support staff in many instances but not in all...the end result in reporting may be that OP will be moving jobs & then you are possibly looking at legal. Going nuclear now can start OP down that road...if she likes her job, pick your battles...call him out subtley so he can self-correct & things can return to normal. If they can't & he is still making OP uncomfortable then take it to the next level but be under no illusion that HR are for the little guy.

Hi OP,

You have received some good advice here.
Also some very questionable advice, such as pretending to be your husband and replying to the CEO with a back off message! No!

I think emailing a reply from your work email address is the best idea. Keeping it professional and making it clear that's how things should be going forward.
Keep a record of all the inappropriate communications and comments he has made.

It is obviously your choice entirely but it would personally put me off wearing my hair in pig tails again if I knew that he liked it so much. You shouldn't have to do this I know but opting for a different style is a subtle way of doing the opposite of what he likes.

He is a creep with no boundaries that goes without saying. He has a lot of power and he is likely to enjoy using it whenever it suits him. I would echo what others have said about not involving HR yet because it could sadly impact on your career and not his. I would opt for the firm email first and hopefully that will be enough to stop him in his tracks. If not and his behaviour continues then I would speak to your direct line manager.

I wish you luck OP.

P.s. Where I work there is a woman of around 50 (not that age matters, just saying) who wears her hair in pig tails. One of the men calls her Pippy Longstocking. There is another woman of around 40 who has the same hair style and the same guy calls her Britney.
A lot of 'banter' goes on at my workplace. Both women would say something to this guy if they were not comfortable with the comments. But they are at the same grade and not dealing with a CEO so it would be a more straight forward situation to resolve. You are in an unenviable situation here and I feel for you.

What if HR already have a file of complaints? It’s not ok to say, he is the CEO, you won’t win. It’s not about winning anything, it’s about someone in power being made aware that his actions were not appropriate. I would bet it’s not the first time he has done something like this.

Definitely go to HR OP. And don’t engage in conversations on your private phone.

@AdriannaP - I agree to an extent with what you are saying but if there is a file of complaints against him what has been done to change his behaviour? Have there actually been any consequences? It doesn't seem like there have been because he has openly been making comments about the OP in the workplace. Since then he has taken the step of accessing her private mobile number somehow and continuing it on.
I think the OP needs to carefully consider going to HR at this stage as others have said HR are not automatically on OP's side.

I’m also a vote now for a simple succinct 3 sentence message as PP

Furlough fine
Take fine to do
Please no more
Personal comments

I also agree that taking the pig tails out does give a message, but ONLY if you want to . Not because I have any feeling about them !!
I love tech clients who all wear what the hell they like , it’s 2020

And yeah sorry agree with HR
They have many uses but unless they have balls of steel , not worth it

@HotMessTryNotToStress I used to work in a place with CEO that was out of line (in a different way, not harassment). So many people went to Head of HR, she collected the statements and after a couple of months or so went directly to the board.

In this case, just because OP doesn’t know, doesn’t mean CEO has not already been struck off/had warnings.
But of course all depends on competent HR department. Sounds like this is a big company, so they probably do have a board.

To add, in this case CEO had to go.
Also because many many bad reviews on glassdoor popped up, specifically naming their behaviour, bullying, promoting mates etc.

Screenshot the messages, block the number.

Reply by email, never refer to it.

Yes - copy that message, attach it to your work email address and respond to him, in a professional manner, from there.

Block him, and any other work colleague you may have given your personal contact details to from your personal mobile number. If any of them questions that tell them you've been receiving work related communications on their, whilst you've been furloughed.

If you've not given your personal details out to anyone he must've got them from HR. Ask them, via your official work email address, if they've given them out from your personnel file as you've received inappropriate messages from "someone". Ask them to add this enquiry to your file. No need going into who, at this stage if you prefer not to, but you would get this enquiry on your official records if you decided to go further in future.

@daisychain01

No one is defending the CEO. All we are saying is that OP will be on the short end of the stick if she files a complaint, and she should consider that in making a decision. She could be left in place for a bit, then declared redundant, particularly in this economic climate.

Do people on here not get that there is recourse in law for this sleezy unwelcomed behaviour. Women should not have to be silent because they have zero confidence they will be heard. And wouldn't it be great if she were "made redundant", well what a coincidence that would be! If she fails to act now, there could be criticism levelled against her that she didn't mind his behaviour, so it's strike while iron is hot, and shame him.

Men have been allowed to behave in the workplace like this forever and get away with it, there is a law in place to prevent this, so in her position, and with unassailable evidence in the form of a text to her personal phone without her permission (when she didn't even give him her number), it is important to take it seriously. Any retaliation by him or the company against her such as compromising her ability to progress based on her ability to do the job (as opposed to the fact she complained about unwanted attention) there is normally a clause within the company's policy to address that eg Bullying and Harrassment Policy.

I still maintain she should take it through the formal channels, with a grievance and if they fail to act, lodge a Tribunal claim against the company, with him as the primary focus of her claim. This isn't about money, it's everyday sexism gone too far. He just casually thought he'd have a bit of fun, but it's unwelcomed and the OP should not have to put up with it in a professional environment where the balance of power is 100% in that man's favour.

I agree with everything you have written here, and I’m all for taking a stand against this shit. I’m just concerned that in reality perfectly valid grievances are rarely upheld and this arsehole will probably suffer nothing more than a reminder to behave more professionally in future.

You aren’t supposed to suffer any detriment as a result of raising a grievance, but again that isn’t the reality. It costs a lot of money to get the legal advice to pursue a tribunal claim. Again that’s wrong and unfair but it’s true.

I don’t know what the answer is, I’m very jaded and speaking from personal experience. It just looks clear how he would manage to weasel out of this one off offence, with the help of HR who are there to support the interests of the business not the employee. Of course it’s not in the best interest of the business to have the CEO behave like this, but they’ll deal with it privately and the OP won’t feel vindicated.

If you honestly believe that one text is enough to win a claim for sexual harassment I’ve spent a lot of money on absolutely shit legal advice.

www.acas.org.uk

OP give ACAS a call and discuss with theme they're free and impartial and much more reliable than some of the replies on here

(please ignore anything that CherryPavlova says,this person is unpleasant at best and anything else I could say would risk being deleted for a personal attack!)

*them not theme!

@NaturalBornWoman sadly it is by no means certain that the text, albeit tangible evidence of wrongdoing and invasion of the OPs privacy and unacceptable use of her private phone number, would be enough to have this person banged to rights.

It is unbelievable that someone in such a senior position and in the role only a short time, according to the OP, would act so cluelessly. One would hope the decision-makers in the company would decide that someone lacking in moral fibre and judgement is not the right person to sit at the helm of their organisation.

Had he been a long standing employee with 2 years' employment rights, I sadly would have to modify my advice (even though it wouldn't change his wrongdoing), because the reality you speak of would probably be the case. The glimmer of hope is that if he doesn't have those 2 years' service rights, they could rid themselves of him with minimal risk of expense or a counterclaim from him. He'd be sent packing, or voluntarily decide his career is better elsewhere....

As for legal expenses, ideally if the OP has legal cover on household or car insurance policy, it's the kind of clear-cut case that they would likely take on, if after assessing it, it has >51% likelihood of success. A solicitor's letter to the company may even mean it doesn't even make it to Tribunal. That's what we could hope for.

Maybe OP doesn’t need to go nuclear here people
100% agree she should send a pithy and clear reply stating her boundaries

But the stress of HR , job loss , tribunals, acas, unions etc !!
is surely MORE Stress than this text

He is a CEO and not stupid
Call it out , move on and be watchful

Just say "I"ve missed your pretty face too, and I look forward to having your input too, just as long as you bring that cute little beard. And your cock. "

@livefornaps you just made my queue that much better 😂

@livefornaps 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Maybe OP doesn’t need to go nuclear here people 100% agree she should send a pithy and clear reply stating her boundaries

But the stress of HR , job loss , tribunals, acas, unions etc !!
is surely MORE Stress than this text

He is a CEO and not stupid
Call it out , move on and be watchful

You missed the point about ACAS - it was good advice to give them a call to their free helpline as they can often advise on these discrimination scenarios.

You also missed the point about Unions - if the OP is paying monthly subs membership of a union whyever wouldn't she contact them to get support and advice. In fact, they would likely advocate far,better on her behalf than HR.

As for Tribunal, it is sometimes a very good tactic to lodge a claim at Tribunal. It shows that the person being discriminated against isn't prepared to take shit from a slimeball. It does not necessarily mean going to court, and it can feel very empowering to call them on their bad behaviour.

These are options for the OP to consider that she may not have known existed before creating this thread.

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water, there could be aspects she can take forward. Or she could walk away from the whole situation. The fact is she has been sexually harassed at work, like thousands of other women which is appalling in 2020.

Speaking to Acas is good advice. Businesses are required to follow the Acas Code of Conduct when dealing with grievances. Do you have a company handbook which contains all policies and procedures? Probably worth having a read through the dignity at work policy.

To those saying a Chairman or Board wouldn't care about the CEO's professional conduct, sorry to say, but that's just not true. Their role is to work in the best interests of the company, as well as the interests of the shareholders/business owners. Reputational damage as a result of a CEO's misconduct is something I doubt they'd turn a blind eye to, particularly if the complaint is of a sexual nature. Granted, their response may be to initiate discussions to silence the victim by way of settlement agreement, but to imply they simply wouldn't get involved is codswallop.

I worked in a FTSE listed tech company many moons ago where an exec member (not the CEO) was caught sending dick pics on company email. Following an HR investigation, he was dismissed and given bad leaver status - a decision supported by both the CEO and Chairman, with the Chairman noting how damaging it could have been if the media had gotten wind.

If you're in the finance industry for example, the FCA take a very dim view indeed of malpractice, particularly at the hands of a CEO/senior managers. I'm sure the Chairman/Board wouldn't be keen on employees blowing the whistle on sexual harassment which has been passed off as 'banter' by the firm. If the company doesn't take it seriously, you can bet your bottom dollar the FCA will.

100% agree with you @Smallgoon sounds like you inhabit the same "Real World" I do, not some parallel MN universe

Hopefully the OP can take comfort in the fact that their CEO isn't necessarily safe in their cozy little misogynistic bubble protected by HR. There are times to bite back, and this is definitely one, imo

Speaking to Acas is good advice. Businesses are required to follow the Acas Code of Conduct when dealing with grievances.

Acas is fantastic. I spoke to them when ousting a director who then sued for constructive dismissal. They recommended a fantastic company of hr solicitors and we won the tribunal. As an employer they were super helpful.

They don't actually have any powers as such though. The OP would have to sue the company if they failed to follow procedure after she raised a grievance and a tribunal would decide.

No doubt they would slap him in jail though or fine the company £2-3 million. That's totally how these things work.

My work place has only got my land line for this very reason

@daisychain01 Indeed. I forgot to add that for those claiming "HR only work in the best interests of the CEO/Business" - I'd like to echo the sentiment of a PP; sorry you've had such shit HR wherever you've worked.

And to those trying to scaremonger OP with "you'll have to go to tribunal which will be costly and no guarantee of winning..."

Again, I think you seem to forget that her complaint involves the CEO. In OP's case, she has actual evidence of his sleaziness, not to mention the lengths he went to by texting her personal number, which, from experience, suggests to me that he was trying to initiate private conversations between the two of them. Why could he not wait until Monday, when she was back at work, to email her about the assistance he needed, like a normal person would...? Hmmm.

Established firms don't need the unnecessary negative attention of a tribunal (which could potentially encourage others to come forward), and newer firms that are going through investment rounds need to appear to be clear cut too, and must be transparent about internal/external issues.

In cases involving a CEO, where there is evidence of impropriety, the likely route would be to settle and make the problem go away.

*It's baffling to me how many of the posters have downplayed the sinister motives of this guy to reach out to her on her personal number. This is textbook power-play and all too common. In my case, we didn't have work phones, so everyone had each others mobiles. I'd receive a text from him at 6pm every Friday (like clockwork) wishing me a lovely weekend with blushing face emoji... (nobody else did, I'd asked around...). I'd then receive texts on a Saturday night with 'hey, how's your weekend, what you are up to?". On one occasion I replied with "stuff", believing he'd sense the tone. He never did. He had the balance of power on his side. He could do whatever he wanted.

Tread carefully, OP.

I have a friend who was being harassed (not sexually) by a coworker. She lodged a complaint with HR. Two weeks later, she was terminated. The coworker was terminated about a year later.