My Partner Keeps Tickling Me...

[MaudG]

Trying to work out if I'm over reacting!

My partner keeps tickling me, I've told him so many times that I hate it. I have also told him over and over again that it upsets me that he keeps doing it when I've told him I hate it.

Every time he says he's sorry he's upset me and he won't do it again. It can be a few days or even a few hours later, and he does it again.

Just to be clear that it's not prolonged or intense tickling, more just a little tickle lasting a second - but it's the fact he does it when he knows I hate it, then I get upset that he's doing something he knows I hate and doesn't seem to care that I hate it.

AIBU?

YANBU

Cut off his balls. It's a fair punishment for unwanted tickling.

You're not being unreasonable at all. He's doing something to you that you hate, when you've clearly asked him not to. It's abusive. The question is, what will you do about it. To me, that's a deal breaker. A sign the relationship is not based on respect. He changes or it's over.

No, YANBU. I detest it. It a really terrible thing to do to someone who hates it.

My son loves it but I only do it when asked and stop the second he says so.

Why does your boyfriend enjoy upsetting you? Why can’t be respect your feelings?

It’s an issue because you’ve set a boundary and he continues to cross it even after you’ve explained many times that you don’t like it. He’s essentially placing more value over his want to tickle you than your need not to be. Speaks volumes about the person he is and how he sees you, which might sound harsh - but seemingly small things can be revealing of wider issues.

I think part of the reason he keeps doing it is because when he tickles me it usually makes me laugh - I do not enjoy it but it's completely involuntary!

You have to wonder why someone would keep doing something he's been explicitly asked not to do.

At best he's a twat, at worst he's a torturer.

Ask him which he thinks he is. Then you decide what's best to do about it.

Have your leg "accidentally" twitch due to the tickling and "accidentally" knee him in the balls?

In all seriousness though, he's crossing a line. You've told him you don't like it, not to do it, and he's not respecting that. You need to tell him straight that it's not on to carry on with it.

Yanbu I hate it !!!

Abusive.

YANBU!!! I absolutely hate being tickled! My dh used to do it when we first met, it took him a while to realise how much I hated it.

YANBU. I hate being tickled.

He needs to stop. Remove him from you when he next does it and tell him to fuck off.

Some people just don't get how horrible tickling is.
I absolutely hate it. But I still laugh as it's an involuntary reaction. People always say "but why are you laughing?"
My DS is like me and hates it. I always have the same argument with my parents to stop them doing it (Mum in particular).

YANBU. That’s unwanted physical contact and it’s not ok. I hate being tickled (I actually trained myself out of being ticklish as a child, I hated it so much).

I had an ex that used to do this, it’s a total fucking power trip. What may seem trivial written down is a repeated and unpleasant invasion of your personal space and leave you on edge as you dint know when or where it’s coming from next.

I felt like a total snowflake when I told someone about it, apparently it’s a thing controlling men / gaslighting motherfuckers do and this is one of a few threads I’ve seen on MN about it.

Tell us about him in general, is he usually prone to ignoring your wishes? Or is he pretty much perfect in every other capacity bar this one?

Massive red flag. He's not doing it because he thinks you enjoy it. He knows you hate it. He's doing it because it gives him a feeling of power over you.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, why would you think that?

I would tell him to fuck off, what part of don’t do that again does he not understand?

He needs to learn about consent. It's an LTB from me (only half joking)

Agree its controlling, abusive and horrible. You can never fully relax. He might one day do it for longer.

Dump him. If he has a fetish for it then he wont be able to resist doing it, even if he swears he wont.

Unwanted physical contact causing psychological arm - assault.

This is a wind up

Why is it a wind up @MaggieMay1972?

For the PP asking he's the most laid back, kindest person in the world. It's just this one thing!

@MaudG

For the PP asking he's the most laid back, kindest person in the world. It's just this one thing!

Ok, so let us know more. I’m genuinely interested.

Have a serious conversation with him. Explain that the laughter is an involuntary action and that he has to promise to never ever ever tickle you again. If he does he either packs and bag and leaves or allows you to kick him in the bollocks hard. His choice. Then follow through.

You can either educate him, if he's that wonderful, or pack his bags. It's possible he thinks it's ok cos he's been raised by people who think it's ok.

Honestly it's not acceptable. I'd give him one more opportunity, tell him calmly and seriously so he doesn't think you're lashing out and knows you mean it-

"BF, don't do it. Don't accidentally forget and do it, don't just do it a little bit- don't do it at all."

Alternatively, randomly twist his nipple every now and then. Or poke him in the armpit with a jabby finger. See how funny he finds that.