To think that actually, there probably is a paedophile on every corner?

[MrsToadofToadHall]

When I first became a parent, back in the 2000s, I tended to think that some other parents were quite irrational about their fears regarding paedophiles. There seemed to be quite a lot of hysteria about child abductions whipped up in the tabloids, quite a few of the mums I knew looked very suspiciously on men who worked or volunteered with children, and I tended to think that although paedophiles unfortunately existed, they were in the minority and we shouldn't raise our children to be suspicious of every man just because he was a man, nor should we limit their independence due to fear of something that was very unlikely to happen. I suppose I was a bit "cool mum" and proud of my ability to rationalise and see through hysteria

In recent years, I've come to think that I was wrong. So many famous and prominent people have been exposed as having abused children and teenagers. Although I have always supported a certain level of sex ed in schools, elements of this have gone beyond a level I'm comfortable with. It seems to me to be more acceptable to expose children to sexual/adult issues at an earlier age. As well as this, recent revelations in my own fairly small community have caused me to reconsider - a teenager who abused younger relatives, it was brought to the attention of police and SS but in the end, all that could be done was refer him for optional counselling. Three or four men have been found out as they attempted to groom very young girls, some primary aged, via social media. Friends have also confided in me regarding their own childhood abuse. I know most of these men, and while I realise that abusers don't come with a big sticker on their forehead, most of them really were spectacularly ordinary and had wives and children

Obviously I still realise that the vast majority of men are fine, but my point is, I thought paedophiles were a few lone individuals, and now it seems there are far more of them about than I ever would have realised.

Does that make sense?

Pretty much all paedophiles are men. It is disingenuous to say that this is also a women’s crime. Men commit 98% of sexual crime, and when women do commit this sort of crime it is usually in connection with a man.
It doesn’t help anyone to pretend that there are also lots of predatory women around because it simply isn’t true.
Men , yes. I know a man here I am certain is a paedophile, plus another who lived next door to a good friend. There are far more men into this than we imagine. Huge market out there for images of sexual abuse, of children and also of women. It is bleak and depressing but true. The internet has aggravated the issue.

We even have a Royal ambassador to the cause.

YANBU!! I remember men looking at me sexually from when I was about 8 and they were never told off for it it was always me being told to cover up or not wear makeup. Even in my family, my DM, DGM and my DGM’s sisters have all been abused, and a few cousins too that I know of and it was all done by male family members who were trusted

So many friends have revealed they were molested by an uncle or older cousin that I'm no longer surprised.

The worst one was a friend whose grandparents were big landowners in Australia. Owned tons of ocean front property along the Gold Coast bought cheap years ago. The grandpa molested his daughter and most of the granddaughters. Everyone knew. But they kept quiet about it to ensure their inheritances.

I have known 6 now. I relative of mine, 2 relatives of DP, 1 work colleague, 1 neighbour and 1 charity worker, a charity for disabled and special needs children, he passed the DBS check too.

I meant to add, that yes, they do seem to be just everywhere, the 2 family member groomed 2 single mothers who were struggling and thought it wonderful that these guys would spend so much time helping with the kids...

I hate the attempt to legitimise it by now referring to it as Minor Attracted Person. It can never be hidden for what it really is. Child sex abuse.

@Winesalot

I hate the attempt to legitimise it by now referring to it as Minor Attracted Person. It can never be hidden for what it really is. Child sex abuse.

It's almost like they are parodying the Super Adventure Club in South Park Yesterday when I read the Asda thread I wanted to shout "They're Back"

Blatant.

The police knew about Jimmy Savile.
David Steele knew about Cyril Smith.
The police knew about the Asian gangs who passed around vulnerable girls who were in care.
What about, more recently, David Challoner and the Green Party?
If it were as simple as reporting these people that would be good, but so often the rich, the powerful, the law enforcers are all colluding/covering up.
What chance does a child, a parent, a school nurse have?

Remember PIE?
Certain people involved in that still pop up on the television, get interviewed and asked for their opinion on chat shows. I always end up shouting at the TV and have to switch it off or go and get wine.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/magazine-34858350

That’s also an interesting read. Apparently they tend to be left handed and shorter than your average male. I’m super paranoid about it as you can Probably tell.

I vaguely recall a regional analysis when sports clubs in England required the use of DBS or equivalent checks on coaches and adults involved in junior teams, more than half the adults involved in coaching local football teams in my area declined to be checked and withdrew. Now some may have resented the implication and some may have been planning on retiring or other valid reasons though I was surprised at the scale. Sports clubs seem to take safeguarding more seriously locally. No guarantee I suppose as DBS works on convictions, I think. Oddly, none of the local rugby club coaches declined checking and all passed.

Yes I think there are huge number of abusers out there, not just paedophiles but men who are sex abusers in general. When it comes to my DC I am unapologetically "over" protective. I quote the "over" as I don't see it as anything other than necessary.

My sister and I had an arguement about this once. I said I wouldn't allow any man other than DH to change my daughters nappy - ever. No matter how much I trust that man I wouldn't allow it to happen. She said I was being ridiculous, I thought her incredibly naive and it got quite heated.

I have two DDs and it's something I worry about quite a bit, as I know too many people who's lives were destroyed by CSA.

User, that's interest. An anecdote I know but the one person I knew whom I found out later had been convicted for viewing the worst category of images was shorter than average and I think may have been a sinister.

This is very bleak reading. I also know a lot of friends who have been raped and abused. I think the scale of it is massive. It's just so scary, makes me terrified for my kids.
No parent should be afraid to go with their gut feeling and I agree about the potential dangers of sleepovers etc.
My DH is pretty blase and thinks I'm a bit ott- he hasn't got a clue what it's like to be female and the recipient of so much unwanted attention/harassment. I'm educating him as much as I can because it's his responsibility to understand and look out for our kids as much as its mine.

Research points to paedophilia being a biological thing and therefore not treatable. Kinda worrying...

No. The thing that prevents child abuse is child abusers not doing it. You forget the power dynamic: children have no power. Sure, they might disclose - after the fact. By then it’s too late.

I found myself living near to what seemed a pleasant enough man once. Then one day, can't remember what we were talking about, he suddenly announced to me that young girls of what we'd now call tween age knew that they were attractive to men and enjoyed it. Unlike him I remembered being a young girl of that age, and being assaulted a couple of times. Being followed a few times and hearing all the verbal shit. My then-partner and I were generally discussing the future round about the same time, and I informed him that children would not be on the cards anywhere near this chap. I think everyone remembers the dodgy man on the estate they weren't supposed to talk to don't they?
And I do mean 'man' in that sentence. Girls and women are nothing like the same level of threat.

I’m not sure what kind of childhood you had but in adulthood I realised that I had been witness to reports of various forms of sexual abuses from many many friends over the years. As far as I’m aware, none of us reported it. My own personal experience taught me that a large minority of men are attracted to young girls and not subtle about it.

The sexualisation of and sexual activity amongst young teenagers has become so normalised that when young girls are faced with sexual abuse, for a lack of sexual experience within loving and respectful relationships, they don’t know how to identify it or what to do about it. I only realised in retrospect how wrong it all was after having my first relationship, which thankfully was a loving one. Extensive education on healthy relationships and how to identify abuse should be an essential part of sex Ed. It’s more important than learning about contraception.

*normalisation of sexual activity

I agree OP, lik you, used to think it was pretty unusual but the more I have lived / read / talked to people, the more widespread it appears. I know people who have been abused in various settings with various perpetrator types. Some of it has stood up on court.
I feel strongly we should treat paedophilia as a mental health condition, not JUST a henious crime. Paedophiles need to feel they can self refer for support. I have seen studies reporting that many paedophiles feel sickened by their urges, they know it is wrong and would like to stop. Just hateful condemnation is not enough and sometimes it might even be unhelpful.

They aren't on every corner.
They're in families. They're grandad and uncle.
That's what we need to face up to.

Yes indeed. There is much less use of the word 'incest' these days, which seems to have gone hand-in-hand with the the idea that abusers are largely outside of the home. Generally, they are not.

YANBU - I am very mindful of the people who come into my children's lives via school / clubs etc.

If anything it's getting worse thanks to internet & social media channels - where they can find & encourage each other. Twitter is doing nothing about MAPs who post openly and pretend they aren't dangerous to children. There's huge efforts being made to normalise it or pass off as a sexual orientation. Then there's all those online abusers who don't see themselves as "abusers" because they are 'just' searching.

The podcast Pixels from a crime scene is an important listen - but with caveat that it's also a very difficult listen.