To think that actually, there probably is a paedophile on every corner?

[MrsToadofToadHall]

When I first became a parent, back in the 2000s, I tended to think that some other parents were quite irrational about their fears regarding paedophiles. There seemed to be quite a lot of hysteria about child abductions whipped up in the tabloids, quite a few of the mums I knew looked very suspiciously on men who worked or volunteered with children, and I tended to think that although paedophiles unfortunately existed, they were in the minority and we shouldn't raise our children to be suspicious of every man just because he was a man, nor should we limit their independence due to fear of something that was very unlikely to happen. I suppose I was a bit "cool mum" and proud of my ability to rationalise and see through hysteria

In recent years, I've come to think that I was wrong. So many famous and prominent people have been exposed as having abused children and teenagers. Although I have always supported a certain level of sex ed in schools, elements of this have gone beyond a level I'm comfortable with. It seems to me to be more acceptable to expose children to sexual/adult issues at an earlier age. As well as this, recent revelations in my own fairly small community have caused me to reconsider - a teenager who abused younger relatives, it was brought to the attention of police and SS but in the end, all that could be done was refer him for optional counselling. Three or four men have been found out as they attempted to groom very young girls, some primary aged, via social media. Friends have also confided in me regarding their own childhood abuse. I know most of these men, and while I realise that abusers don't come with a big sticker on their forehead, most of them really were spectacularly ordinary and had wives and children

Obviously I still realise that the vast majority of men are fine, but my point is, I thought paedophiles were a few lone individuals, and now it seems there are far more of them about than I ever would have realised.

Does that make sense?

also one offender may have multiple victims.

The last paedophile I met had over 40 known victims (convictions). I imagine it is rare for paedophiles to offend only once, unless they are caught straight away. And I’m sure there are some who are never caught.

'And I'm sure there are some who are never caught.'

Indeed - there are many. This is why so many stats on how many children experience CSA are thought to be underestimations, because they're only based on the ones who come forward and, in some cases, the ones who are convicted. There are countless offenders out there: some of whom are operating completely undetected, some of whom have been accused and reported but weren't convicted and/or are still supported by those around them so can carry on quite happily.

I think we need prominent public information campaigns to protect against sexual predators
But maybe sexual predators gravitate towards positions of power so that they can prevent such measures?
They are bound to try and look after their own interests aren't they

B1rdbra1n
Exactly.

I don't understand why the sentencing is so poor. What's the reason? Lack of prison space? Why are we not putting people behind bars for long periods of time as a deterrent?

I may be biased by my experience, as a PP said it obviously will happen.

I firmly believe that there are rings in the government, paedophiles and also people who know all the secrets. If that makes me a TFHatter so be it.
Doesn't mean I'm wrong.

I'm older and have seen it evolve with internet, like pornography.
As time passes it becomes more extreme.

AFAIK it is documented that governments and other organisations use paedophile honey traps to get kompromat on people in order to gain strategic advantages and advance their own agendas

!! I hope the parents complained!

There's a campaign. It's apparently going to be in use in September with the new PSE curriculum.

@flossletsfloss
At least part of it is lack of space. As people have discussed on this thread, some of it is based on stereotyping - the idea that child abuse, particularly the viewing of indecent images, is not a big deal, and so doesn't require a prison sentence, especially for 'pillar of the community' types. Adults are prioritised above children. Conviction rates themselves are often low because people tend to come forward later in life, hence lack of evidence, making prosecution difficult.

In terms of investigations themselves, sometimes the police just do not give a damn. I'm aware that this isn't the case for all police - many of them will be dedicated to getting justice for victims and will take their jobs very seriously. But there are so many who hold certain ideas about victims and perpetrators and carry those ideas over into their work, despite the fact that it's really unprofessional. Many of them take the automatic stance that the alleged victim is lying in a way that they just do not do for other crimes.

In my case, the policewoman assigned said to me - this is a direct quote, not a paraphrase - "Now, I'll need some more information from you, so that I know you aren't just making all of this up." Lovely. Very professional. Twat.

Oh, she also asked me if I'd had any contact with my father since coming forward and when I said no, quite cheerily asked "Do you just not get along with him at all now, then?"

Yes, we go on regular daddy-daughter dates, where we discuss over coffee the fact that he molested me and now knows that I've reported it. I have no idea how some of these people have jobs at all, let alone are employed to help vulnerable people.

Whattimeisitrightnow that's horrendous!!! 😢

It’s quite scary what is ‘allowed’

Family - dad caught looking at indecent images left family home went to jail had to have supervised access to any children in family

Had secret girlfriend waiting for him. Whom he then had kids with and married now living in town where no one knows what he did. Social work/police are aware of this and allow it

Disgusting why would anyone reproduce with that man?
How can parents relax when they don’t know who is picking up kids from school beside them
What happens when these kids want friends home/parties etc
What happens if daddy’s sex offender status comes out and everyone at school knows
Lastly the terms of his bail/register etc cannot be revealed due to his human rights

These people are living amongst us trying to pretend they are normal families scares me that the police And social work think this is ok and this man isn’t a threat to kids - he didn’t have a daughter before so how do they know horrific

My ds was telling me some very interesting stuff on Clement Freud and the HUGE pedophile ring he was said to be involved with .
What makes it even more disturbing is that he ingratiated himself into the police and Madeline mc canns family’s graces and had them over at his house after she was taken .. which just so happened to be in Praia da luz.
This was spoken about in 2016 but must have missed it

I thought she had been, i wonder why shes still allowed to be there tbh (Harriet Harmen) people have been forced to resign for a lot less. RosieLancs, thats fascinating and scary, i did wonder why seaside towns had such a high peado rate.

Long time ago a girl was attacked and the police came round to see my then teenage sister as she had been chased by a man, just before at the same spot (she ran for the county and easily got away from him).

My DM started chatting to the police and they mentioned that they were going to visit all the known child molesters who lived within a square mile - turned out there were 50 odd.

So yes, potentially one on every corner.

@whattimeisitrightnow Horrendous! Seems like a trap too - if someone has been in contact with their abuser (not unheard of due to gaslighting and family 'don't talk about it' attitudes/coercive control) then the victim is disbelieved for being in contact. On the other hand, if you aren't in contact then it's clearly a malicious accusation because you've fallen out. Victim disbelieved either way. Awful.

Toinfinityandlockdown (I love that username, by the way), that's EXACTLY it. Excellent post. That's exactly what if felt like - a trap. I didn't know what to say: I think I just stammered out a stunned "No...". She had clearly already decided that my allegation was malicious. I think she was one of those 'family comes before everything' types. In all her emails to me, she would say 'the complaint you made regarding your father', rather than 'the complaint you made regarding Hisname'.

A police officer once told me that 50% of men are paedophiles. Not sure how true that is. I do believe that the government and royals are involved and that there is a plan to make child sexual abuse mainstream and permissible.

Just reading this when my daughter has rang on her walk. Age 21 high functioning autism does a certain route then home as otherwise doesn't decompress and has more melt downs. She just said a man has pulled down his pants and shown his penis to her then walked off.

She was one street away from me as I'm also out walking. I told her to take a picture. Now with her and we are discussing why people do these things. She has picture of him walking away and I will be reporting it to the police.

If you really want to go down the rabbit hole, look up Prostasia Foundation. They’re a US organisation that read like PIE reborn - dressing themselves up as a child protection organisation but dig deeper and it’s chilling.

More here: twitter.com/ferdeline/status/1273664868474896387?s=21

flirtygirl I’m sorry your daughter experienced that. I hope she’s ok and that the police take your report seriously.

I'm so pissed off.
Thank you CaveMum she is calm and we have spoken about it.

Reporting it was okay and smooth, did so online when I got back in.

It's the only thing my daughter sometimes does without me. She enjoys walking around the area, a few streets from home, including the local shops/post office if she wants.

It took years to work up to this level of freedom from age 17. When I still did everything for her and with her.

Then we moved and it's a year to get back to this for her, for her to know the streets and walks and places I've told her not to go like alley shortcuts.

So sick of men.

Anyway its been reported. The lady who took the report said a officer will be ringing us. She said they puts an obs out for the male and gave me a log no.

I don't understand why the sentencing is so poor. What's the reason? Lack of prison space? Why are we not putting people behind bars for long periods of time as a deterrent?

It's the same with rape of women and girls, along with the 'you're lying' automatic reaction (I also got similar from the police whattimeisitnow when I reported someone following me at age 11. Last time I told anyone anything through my teens).

I think, quite simply, it is lack of prison space, combined with the huge numbers of men involved in such crimes. They'd rather gaslight all females into "being kind" and taking sole responsibility for kids than restrict men's freedoms at all. Can you imagine the outcry for instance if for just one day a year - International Women's Day perhaps - there was a serious call for a curfew to keep men out of public spaces? And yet women are routinely pushed out, for one reason or another.

I work in this area and he's it's more common than you'd think, however it's rare it's a stranger, the overwhelming majority are white adult males in the UK, female sexual offenders are still very rare, which is why when there is a case or makes national press. If you'd seen what I've seen of the dark web you'd be horrified. There are also some very concerning behaviours around young women and girls associated with gangs and county lines.

Regarding the stats bear in mind it’s HUGELY under reported!

I didn’t disclose to anyone “official” until I was in my 30’s and even then it was a VERY watered down version but I’m pretty sure she sussed that.

@Monkeynuts18 on ANY thread about paedophilia, dv, rape there will be a shed loads of NAMALTS sadly - its a totally unnecessary comment and pathetic whataboutery!

Yea NAMALT but a hell of a lot are! Some like my dad manage all 3!

the justice system needs to stop victim blaming and actually convict people if you really are up to the shocking reality of how shit the justice system is on this just google “judges comments paedophile trial”

I’ve seen many comments by judges that are victim blaming to the extreme inc one case where the victim was 12 but because she was in a nightclub the judge excused the bastard! No she shouldn’t have been in a club but she clearly had poor parental support and there’s NO WAY a 12 year old looks and speaks like even a 16 year old! Just no!

Justilou1 sorry but yes I think you’re incredibly naive. Look into the trans rights activism and how that’s linking into paedophilia, women and girls are losing hard fought for safe spaces and support all over the uk!

@B1rdBra1n thank you, I for one continue to suffer serious mental illness as a result and I’m almost 50, it happened when I was a young teen but the buildup had been coming for years I see and understand now.

@Whatwouldyoudowhatwouldjesusdo

Yes, I think true female paedophilia seems to take a different form to Male but perhaps more due to biology than preference - I’m sure you’ll all understand what I mean without me spelling it out. So it tends to be more adult/much older women preying on teen boys. It is JUST as hurtful and damaging as other forms of course.

I am a fan of “bones” tv show and they had one episode where it was a female teacher having an affair with a student and they handled it very well, acknowledging she was abusive and selfish and that it wasn’t “star crossed lovers” bollocks.

But I still think that the numbers of Male abusers FAR outweigh the numbers of female ones.

@babyroobs someone I spoke to said that some people are so abused they don’t recognise the dangers, their boundaries are too messed up

@XdownwiththissortofthingX

See that pedantry annoys me - its a form of minimising. It’s no less damaging to be abused at 14/15 than at any age. It may be technically correct but honestly, we all know what we mean when we use “paedophile” generally in such discussions.

I also think those stats are a huge underestimation.

if you are centering men then you’re part of the problem. totally agree!

@whattimeisitrightnow - yes! I still get described as “exaggerating” “attention seeking” “hitting out” etc

And the mental illness - largely CAUSED by the abuse is used to discredit me!

When I was 15 I had a year long relationship with a 25 year old, would that be classed as CSA? I would class that as abusive yes. Definitely inappropriate and a huge power imbalance there

I have times when I doubt my own memories I’ve been told this is really common.

Do you think there are genuinely paedophile rings high up in government, the police etc yes I believe that. Stands to reason with the probabilities and it would serve them well to be in positions of power.

My brother is a police officer he was shocked at first how many are known to be dv/rapists yet nothing is done, he’s kind of numb to it now. He will push for a charge/prosecution where he can but when you think about it police work allows these people to have a level of power they LOVE! And they know the law well enough to stay out of its reach.

I don't understand why the sentencing is so poor. What's the reason? Lack of prison space? Why are we not putting people behind bars for long periods of time as a deterrent?

I think there’s a lot of reasons -

1 the sheer scale of the problem. But I maintain the worst offenders should be dumped on an island!

2 difficult to prove - as I explained upthread they often hold back from the worst levels not out of not having the desire but to limit available evidence. Much of what can be and is done to victims doesn’t leave physical marks, dna etc so it’s very often the accusers word vs the perpetrators - even tougher when perpetrator “solid pillar of the community” and victim known to have “issues” like drug use, mental illness etc (even though that’s likely a response to the harm)

3 institutional prejudice against victims - victim blaming, rape culture, idiot judges!

4 victims not coming forward in the first place because it becomes a badge of shame even though it shouldn’t!

5 poor police practice - south York’s police are particularly bad from all I’ve seen and heard, even their anti rape/abuse publicity is supremely shit!!

@flirtygirl so sorry that’s happened to your dd. Sadly I think you need to be prepared for sod all to happen to the bastard even if caught.

I don’t condone vigilante action but my god I understand the motivation!

Can I say I very much appreciate the posts from professionals who work in this area FINALLY being honest about the likely scale of the problem.

So many that work in this area tend to minimise and deny the experience of victims.