To think that actually, there probably is a paedophile on every corner?

[MrsToadofToadHall]

When I first became a parent, back in the 2000s, I tended to think that some other parents were quite irrational about their fears regarding paedophiles. There seemed to be quite a lot of hysteria about child abductions whipped up in the tabloids, quite a few of the mums I knew looked very suspiciously on men who worked or volunteered with children, and I tended to think that although paedophiles unfortunately existed, they were in the minority and we shouldn't raise our children to be suspicious of every man just because he was a man, nor should we limit their independence due to fear of something that was very unlikely to happen. I suppose I was a bit "cool mum" and proud of my ability to rationalise and see through hysteria

In recent years, I've come to think that I was wrong. So many famous and prominent people have been exposed as having abused children and teenagers. Although I have always supported a certain level of sex ed in schools, elements of this have gone beyond a level I'm comfortable with. It seems to me to be more acceptable to expose children to sexual/adult issues at an earlier age. As well as this, recent revelations in my own fairly small community have caused me to reconsider - a teenager who abused younger relatives, it was brought to the attention of police and SS but in the end, all that could be done was refer him for optional counselling. Three or four men have been found out as they attempted to groom very young girls, some primary aged, via social media. Friends have also confided in me regarding their own childhood abuse. I know most of these men, and while I realise that abusers don't come with a big sticker on their forehead, most of them really were spectacularly ordinary and had wives and children

Obviously I still realise that the vast majority of men are fine, but my point is, I thought paedophiles were a few lone individuals, and now it seems there are far more of them about than I ever would have realised.

Does that make sense?

What an utter creep flirtygirl your poor DD.

Sadly I find the older I get the closer I am to becoming a misandrist. Men disgust me more often than not.

Following both this thread and the asda thread, going to bed so sad tonight but don't sleep much anyway.

My daughter seems okay, thanks for all your concern. We have spoken about it again and she said "is it because I look young? I'm trying to be my age." I said "don't worry about that, it's nothing to do with how you look, you just happened to be there." We both agreed he was just a disgusting man and literally a wanker.

I don't want her to worry about it in any way but in all likelihood, the fact she looks young and acts young may be a factor, I don't know. She is vulnerable even if you don't know she is autistic by looking at her or even at first when she speaks.

I'm going to sleep being a man hater tonight that's for sure. I'm literally sick of it.

Thank you.

I don’t know if any of you have watched Blake Lively’s speech
m.youtube.com/watch?v=hMVHz-1I1zY

I remember the first time I listened to it I was so shocked. I always knew images of child abuse exist but didn’t realise just how bad it gets.

The authorities either don't give a shit or their hands are tied, or they're swamped.

Only a few years ago, where I used to live, there was a very vulnerable primary aged girl who used to wander the streets at all hours and would chat to anybody. I think her parents were recovering drug addicts.

There were flats in our area that were used to house single men, often offenders coming out of prison or people who had had to leave their own area for whatever reason. A man in his 30s moved to one of these flats, and all of a sudden I saw this girl going in and out. He had no children, but all of a sudden there were bright toys and pictures put in the front window - it was one of the ground floor flats with those almost floor to ceiling windows. I felt it was a lure. Then I saw them both in the local shop. He was buying her cigarettes and sweets. I heard them talking and saw her smoking them. She would have been 11 at the most. I saw this happen quite a few times. I did a bit of digging and found out that they definitely weren't related or anything like that. I reported it to social services. Twice. I have no idea what happened, but about a year later, when I moved, she was still going in and out of his flat, and now she'd brought a younger school friend along with her too.

Regarding the flasher, in my view the impulse that leads them to do this is an extension of the impulse that leads them to send dick pics ....and we all know how many men send dick pics:(

@noseresearch

I don’t know if any of you have watched Blake Lively’s speech m.youtube.com/watch?v=hMVHz-1I1zY

I remember the first time I listened to it I was so shocked. I always knew images of child abuse exist but didn’t realise just how bad it gets.

Oh, fuckin' hell, 3'ish minutes into the video and my mouth falls open with shock. I am aware that children of all ages are being abused, but babies just born, I cannot comprehend this. As Blake Lively says, this is devastating. I will watch the rest of the video.

We must do something to stop this. Thank you to everyone who already does.

Father’s Day on Sunday. Yet apparently 50% of men are paedophiles? All I’m seeing on the TV is how great dads are. But statistically half of them are child abusers? Strange.

I trust DH, my father and FiL with DC. Would never let other men be alone with DC.

Am I wrong to think the judges handing out these very lenient sentences to child abusers are probably also at it themselves?

Everywhere. They are everywhere.

I was abused my older brother, my partner was abused by his older brother, I have a friend who was abused by her older brother. My step dad was raped by a friend of his parents when he was 8 (repeatedly). My Aunts ex boyfriend is in prison in the US for abusing boys, my mums cousin was convicted of sex with a minor, a guy I used to work with was stung by one of those paedophile hunter groups. And that's just off the top of my head.

@Beerincomechampagnetastes thank you

I agree they are probably a lot more common than we are lead to believe.

I think the comments a lot of people have made here around being really careful about who our children are alone with are really important and the right away to go about it. Better to be slightly over cautious than under cautious.

BUT if I may tell a personal story for a moment, I think it’s really important we don’t become a witch hunting mob. My brother is a teacher; and has also been a sufferer or clinical depression on and off since uni. A few years ago; he was in a really bad place and ended up taking an overdose. He spent several months in hospital, resigned from his job at the local school; and when he was discharged and spent a year and bit going to therapy and doing a bit of supply work. Fast forward to last year he’s never been in remission for as long; he’s settled into a job he loves, and is genuinely doing good. He’s also become an admin on the village Facebook group.

Now, one day; a paedophile hunting group post a sting video on the page. The police got in sent a message to the page asking for it to be deleted as public sharing of the video could interfere with the case. My brother deleted it and put up a little post saying why...

Within hours people had screen-shot his profile and made a whole Facebook page about how he was a paedo; how he’d been fired from the local school for talking to kids on Facebook. People posted pictures of him saying there were genuine concerns he was abusing children. All of it incredibly untrue, people were hounding the school when they simply replied that they don’t discuss individual staff or ex-staff they took it as proof. After all; never mind that the school isn’t going to come out and say “he left suddenly because he tried to top himself, not because he was a nonce.” Never mind that he wouldn’t currently be working on education if he had any past safeguarding concerns. It went on for months before it died down and people moved on to the next thing. I honestly thought he was going to attempt to kill himself again and that he would succeed.

Sorry for going slightly off topic. We need to protect our children. We need to be careful. We need stronger sentences for the monsters that abuse children; but let’s not destroy innocent people at the same time.

Notss
I am sorry that happened to your brother. I remember when I was around 15, there was a man living near to a friend and a rumour he was a paedophile. Quite a lot of the local kids would throw eggs at his door, and scream at him. Looking back, it's awful. (I never joined in but can't take the moral high ground as I never got the chance as I lived further away and was really only there in daytime, most of this happened at night). The poor man may well have not done anything.

I also remember when some knuckle-draggers targeted a paediatrician because they didn't realise what the word meant...

No one other than my immediate family knows this but when I was 3 apparently I had issues with thrush/soreness/vaginal bleeding.The GP referred to the police and I was examined and it was confirmed I'd been sexually assaulted.

The perpetrator;my grandmother's teenage next door neighbour.He'd visit with his mother and whilst the adults were having a cuppa he'd play upstairs with me.

While the adults thought he was being kind because he had "learning disabilities " and keeping a tot happy;he was a actually paedophile who was taking advantaged the situation.

Sadly he got away with it on the basis that he was a teenager with learning disabilities.This was in 1987.

I'm 36;this "teenager" is late forties now;I've no idea what happened to him but it makes me feel sick to know that the chances are people like him don't stop and there could be other victims and future victims.

@Graphista

It's not a form of 'minimising' to state fact.

If you're not sexually attracted to prepubescent children, you are not a paedophile.

Those stats are not an underestimation either. They're exactly what you'd expect to see in the UK population based on the findings of studies both in the UK and elsewhere. Roughly one in 100 adult males in the UK fits the definition of a paedophile, and another 700,000 or so more who have committed some sort of sexual offence against a minor, but do not meet the criterion to be diagnosed with paedophilia.

If you want to claim that men who, for example, flash at 14 or 15 year old girls but have no sexual interest in children are 'paedophiles', go ahead, but you're factually wrong, and are just serving to further obfuscate and cloud the general ignorance about what paedophilia actually is.

We are never going to get to grips with the fundamental problem, the abuse of children, while the public is still happy to indulge in hysterical ignorance, brandish torches and pitchforks, and demand lynchings and hangings.

popsydoodle I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Most abuse happens in DC homes at the ands of there father or other close family member. There are female sex offenders but they are rare.

The ones on the news tend to be opportunist kiddy snatchers who rape and or kill DC. They are a minority.

You can teach your DC about there body etc but what if its your DH there father or your new BF or new DH doing it. Abuse is not always obvious, would you feel suspicious if your DH went upstairs for an hour to put his DC to bed? The answer is likely no and why would you as its your DC father. So yes teach them about there body but also you need to educate yourself on signs of abuse and not ignore them as many woman sadly do