AIBU by not being convinced about moving to Ireland?

[Shedbuilder]

My partner's grandparents were born in Ireland and so she's been able to obtain an Irish passport. I'm English. We're very pro-EU and horrified by Brexit and we hate the current government and direction the UK is taking. We're wondering about putting our money where our mouths are and moving to Ireland. Our parents are all dead, we don't have children, we're on good terms, but not particularly close, to our siblings and their families. We'd plan to come back and visit friends and family in the UK several times a year and we've factored in the cost of doing that.

It would suit my partner well. She's very gregarious, she has the blarney and she also has some family over there already. I wouldn't know anyone. I also worry about what it would be like to be noticeably English in Ireland. I'm not at all posh but I sound a bit Radio 4.

I'm concerned that my partner has some pretty romantic ideas about Ireland. She expects it to be so much better than England. She's just been ranting at the far righters Nazi-saluting at the cenotaph and saying proudly that it wouldn't happen in Ireland. I made the mistake of replying no, it wouldn't happen in Ireland because Ireland stayed neutral during WW2 and then for years persecuted and scapegoated the Irish men and women who volunteered to fight Hitler. That didn't go down well.

The area we would be looking at is probably somewhere within a five-mile radius of Enniscorthy and within relatively easy reach of Wexford and Dublin. Also close to the Rosslare ferry and the coast. The property in that area seems excellent value for money: currently looking at a spacious 4-year-old four-bedroom house on an acre, well away from neighbours, and with a separate double garage and a barn for under £300,000.

We know we'll have to have private medical insurance. We know that we'll have a lot of learning to do and that the chances are I'll be an outsider for the rest of my life. As a lesbian I'm used to that. I'm also aware that Ireland has its own issues around transgender and women's rights, but they seem no worse than they are here.

So tell me, would you move to Ireland if you could?

sorry I know I should read the full thread but am actually cryin at 'the blarney'

Lol omg please move to Ireland and chat about the blarney!!

My dad is Irish and I lived there for uni and my early working years. If you are not born and bred you will always be a foreigner, but wow I really did learn to give as good as I got in Ireland. My mum is of Chinese descent so I experienced racism, mostly ppl thinking I couldnt speak english and was therefore thick, but apparently since its all said in jest its ok!

I live in the UK now and love going 'home' to visit, but would I live there again? I know I'd need a lot of cash to do so! TBH you don't really sound like you like Ireland or Irish ppl so why bother moving there? Just get an Irish passport through your wife and go live somewhere else in Europe.

The default assumption about women in Ireland is that they are all available to men or even fair game for men. Scratch the surface and there
I definitely don't recognise this.
It is a running in joke in Ireland with a rhyme of truth women don't take compliments well from men for example.
Your hairs nice "fuck off what's wrong with it" Irish mothers are known to be hardy like their daughters.

I can imagine @cheeseaddict420
My friend lists as one of her most embarrassing moments, telling a student in dublin, "my - sister- lives - in - china!' And the reply back was a shrug "im from manchester".

We laugh at ourselves now people my age. Ireland wss so so white in 1988.

What the actual fuck are you going on about mathanxiety? I've never heard such utter shite. Avaliable to men?

Where the hell do you live in Ireland? I've never encountered anything the like of what you're saying

That was not though I'm embarrassed for you too

@EmeraldShamrock

The default assumption about women in Ireland is that they are all available to men or even fair game for men. Scratch the surface and there I definitely don't recognise this. It is a running in joke in Ireland with a rhyme of truth women don't take compliments well from men for example. Your hairs nice "fuck off what's wrong with it" Irish mothers are known to be hardy like their daughters.

I don't recognise this either.

I think sexism in Ireland works very differently from the UK, where it is more obvious.

Ireland feels less sexist day to day, but the 8th Amendment repealed less than 2 years ago and it was a monstrously misogynistic piece of law that denied women basic human rights.

Rights that they could only exercise by going to the UK where those rights were protected.

math

I think you're remembering things through a haze of nostalgia, or have narrow experience of having spent a childhood in one part of Ireland. You are really, really off the mark with these generalisations IMO.

The default assumption about women in Ireland is that they are all available to men or even fair game for men. Scratch the surface and there it is

I remember watching a tv programme about the traveller community and this was portrayed. I’ve no idea whether that was a true reflection of traveller men but to the best of my knowledge (gained from reading and listening to radio documentaries) , traveller women are segregated from men, marry very young, have numerous children and are frequently mistreated.

For Irish people generally, I wouldn’t ever have thought ‘women were available to all men’. There are definitely nightclubs (and certain pubs) where going there is usually with the sole intention of hooking up with someone. For certain age groups, students and twenty somethings usually, their social life revolves around bars and drinking and sex. It isn’t true for everyone but it is true for many. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and flirting is the norm. I wonder if these bars are the ones you went to, for that assumption to be made?

It isn’t true in day to day life, many Irish men are very shy if you scratch the surface and the stereotypical ‘Irish mammy’ figurehead makes many unable to do the most basic domestic work but also means there is respect for women.

The only other conclusion I can draw is that you are extremely attractive and Irish men fell over themselves for you, knowing full well you were out of their league and had you replied in kind, they’d have run away terrified 😀

There are definitely nightclubs (and certain pubs) where going there is usually with the sole intention of hooking up with someone. For certain age groups, students and twenty somethings usually, their social life revolves around bars and drinking and sex. It isn’t true for everyone but it is true for many. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and flirting is the norm. I wonder if these bars are the ones you went to, for that assumption to be made?
How is any of that peculiar to Ireland??
That's a gobsmacking post.

@WinnieWonder ah tell your friend not to be embarrassed, that's very minor! And quite sweet really.

Ireland was still pretty white in 2002 when I got there. There's questions and assumptions that come from ignorance - that I do think is slowly going away especially in the younger generations, but its the racist jibing that really got to me, I used to work in pubs (again drunk ppl are not a good representation of ppl overall), and I'd get called over to a table or be serving at the bar, and people thought it was just oh so hilarious to speak fake chinese to me, order chinese takeaway from me (in a bar, that did not serve takeaway), or even from gross men comments (this happened many times, I don't know why) that they'd heard Asian women's vaginas (not the word they used) were very tight and was mine very tight? And that they could help me out with that

They would get the shock of their lives when I spoke back to them!

Still, with all that in mind, I love Ireland and most of my best friends (and obviously family) are Irish. I might not miss all the jibing but I miss Irish people! I miss the fresh air, the beaches even if it isn't warm, the pubs, the chat - even the food lol. Its hard for me to get Irish breakfast meats where I am and English sausages and pudding are just not as good (sorry English ppl, love living here otherwise).

The "Irishmen are shy" is incomprehensible to me also. Wtf?

and the stereotypical ‘Irish mammy’ figurehead makes many unable to do the most basic domestic work but also means there is respect for women.

This thread has suddenly been hijacked by ppl who havent been to Ireland in at least 30 years

Too right Laurie

'I might not miss all the jibing '

Me neither. I cant bear it. Its never as hilarious as the jiber would like to believe and is sometimes downright nasty

'The "Irishmen are shy" is incomprehensible to me also. '

Me neither. Such stereotypical RUBBISH on this thread. 'Irish men are shy' makes no more sense than 'English people are stuck up and frosty' or 'Americans are loud and trashy'. Ireland is just the same as anywhere else- some people are loud, some are shy, some are lovely, some are utter arseholes, some are snobs, some are very friendly, some are homophobic, some are not.

How is any of that peculiar to Ireland??

Where did I say it is peculiar to Ireland? It is true of everywhere but to make sense of an assumption that Irish women are there for the taking, I am trying to figure out where and what men the poster met. I am in mid 40s and Irish and I would never have said Irish men think all women are there fir the taking. However I can’t automatically discount someone else ‘s experience. Perhaps twenty something Irish men are like that or perhaps the poster encountered this primarily in bars.

havent been to Ireland in at least 30 years

Wrong again. It is feasible we are different ages or have encountered different men. 😀

Where did I say it is peculiar to Ireland?
Apologies if I've read it wrong, but your post certainly gives that impression?

I didn’t say it was peculiar to Ireland. Again - I am trying to make sense of the assumption that Irish men think women are there for the taking. I think this is true of the ZIrish traveller community. If the PP encountered this, maybe she was with Irish travellers?
Or Is it true among twenty somethings?
Ir maybe she was at the matchmaking festival in Lusdoonvarna. Something makes her think that and her experiences can’t be discounted simply.

It is feasible we are different ages or have encountered different men

Have you lived in Ireland recently sitting.

As in for a considerable amount of time?

References to Irish travellers and Lisdoonvarna sound like someone who’s getting their info from TV and the odd holiday.

Iifc, the poster who originally made that comment lives in America? She can correct me if I'm wrong?

You sound like a right dose OP, stay where you are thanks.

References to Irish travellers and Lisdoonvarna sound like someone who’s getting their info from TV and the odd holiday.

Yes. I've only ever formed the vaguest impression of what My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding/ Communion/Life is actually about, but when I was living in England, I certainly had remarks made to me by strangers that seemed to suggest that I would identify somehow with the people it portrayed, or that 'Irish Traveller behaviour' (as portrayed on this programme, which sounds exploitative and othering) was a major defining category of 'Irishness' as popularly understood by a certain subcategory of English person.

I should probably watch the series, but from what I understand it recalls the most unpleasant kind of stage Irish stereotype violent, feckless, thick, superstitious, overbreeding, uneducated etc etc but projected more 'acceptably' onto Travellers.

OP thanks for posting here, I’m finding it very interesting. I’m Irish but living in U.K. with English DH and children raised here and we are considering moving to Ireland. Destination would be fairly cosmopolitan so I’m less worried about some of the negative comments on this thread. My DH already knows full well he will encounter some anti-English sentiments from time to time. I’ve tried to educate him that there is still strong resentment of 800 years of occupation behind those. In terms of always feeling like an outsider, well you would be an outsider so of course that it to be expected. I am frequently reminded that I am not from England despite living here more than half my life - sometimes it’s a throwaway cultural reference (e.g. I’ve never seen Blue Peter which my generation in England seem to have been reared on) and sometimes it’s more personal but that’s ok - I am extremely proud of my country of birth and you should be proud of yours. Different is not always bad and I have found it a great icebreaker over the years. Many English people have Irish ancestors and the same goes for the other way around - we actually have more in common than we admit to due to the flow of people between both islands for centuries.
Go with an open mind and focus on the positives - for me if we do go it is the slower pace of life, access to the coast and countryside, near family and aging parents, and far, far fewer people. I do struggle with the population density in England and recall too many horrible weekends spent mostly stuck on jammed motorways trying to get to overcrowded beaches in the U.K.. I also have lost a lot of respect and indeed love for the U.K. since the Brexit vote, I simply no longer identify with the country in the same way I did when I first arrived over 20 ago and I was made feel very welcome.
We may well live to regret the move but we have agreed that we would rather that than always wonder what if... Above all I will miss the great people I have met here and I hope we will keep in touch.