AIBU by not being convinced about moving to Ireland?

[Shedbuilder]

My partner's grandparents were born in Ireland and so she's been able to obtain an Irish passport. I'm English. We're very pro-EU and horrified by Brexit and we hate the current government and direction the UK is taking. We're wondering about putting our money where our mouths are and moving to Ireland. Our parents are all dead, we don't have children, we're on good terms, but not particularly close, to our siblings and their families. We'd plan to come back and visit friends and family in the UK several times a year and we've factored in the cost of doing that.

It would suit my partner well. She's very gregarious, she has the blarney and she also has some family over there already. I wouldn't know anyone. I also worry about what it would be like to be noticeably English in Ireland. I'm not at all posh but I sound a bit Radio 4.

I'm concerned that my partner has some pretty romantic ideas about Ireland. She expects it to be so much better than England. She's just been ranting at the far righters Nazi-saluting at the cenotaph and saying proudly that it wouldn't happen in Ireland. I made the mistake of replying no, it wouldn't happen in Ireland because Ireland stayed neutral during WW2 and then for years persecuted and scapegoated the Irish men and women who volunteered to fight Hitler. That didn't go down well.

The area we would be looking at is probably somewhere within a five-mile radius of Enniscorthy and within relatively easy reach of Wexford and Dublin. Also close to the Rosslare ferry and the coast. The property in that area seems excellent value for money: currently looking at a spacious 4-year-old four-bedroom house on an acre, well away from neighbours, and with a separate double garage and a barn for under £300,000.

We know we'll have to have private medical insurance. We know that we'll have a lot of learning to do and that the chances are I'll be an outsider for the rest of my life. As a lesbian I'm used to that. I'm also aware that Ireland has its own issues around transgender and women's rights, but they seem no worse than they are here.

So tell me, would you move to Ireland if you could?

Racist is definitely an issue here. I asked up thread about the OPs race but as she's said nothing I'd presume she's white.

Homophobia exists, of course it does this is not a land of unusual tolerant people!! But I do think that it's less tolerated (homophobia that is) so if anything is ever said changes are others will defend.

It's a huge deal moving to different country @Shedbuilder. Not one to take lighly. You'll need to have to put serious thought to it, if your partner wants to move, it doesn't mean you need to move to where she wants - there needs to be a bit of give and take there. So yes, move to Ireland like she wants but consider somewhere other than the town she wants. Dublin is really close to Wexford!

in reality we love to hear of England making a holy show of themselves.

I don’t necessarily agree, other than in rugby anyway!

For years, Irish people had few options but to emigrate. Canada, America and the U.K.

Irish people felt like the underdog, like we were never quite as good. That has turned on its head. Irish people won’t see themselves as superior, well most wont anyway, but I think there is a feeling of pity for many people in the UK and an appreciation of living in Ireland and not the UK and also an appreciation that we don’t have all their issues - Brexit, BJ, knife crime though of course like every country, Ireland has its own problems on a lesser scale.

Er, yes, Harriet, I have been to London — and lived there too. Living in London can't save you from the Tory government or the fact that something you didn't vote for and opposed with every bone in your body is being forced on you.

@Shedbuilder

Er, yes, Harriet, I have been to London — and lived there too. Living in London can't save you from the Tory government or the fact that something you didn't vote for and opposed with every bone in your body is being forced on you.

That may be so OP but you still haven’t clarified how you could possibly characterise London as “little England” or indeed “Brexitworld”. If you have lived in London you’ll know that’s absolute rubbish.

Obviously if you want to escape the tories you have no choice but to leave the UK.

you still haven’t clarified how you could possibly characterise London as “little England” or indeed “Brexitworld”.

I didn't do that, Harriet. I said I didn't want to live in Little England or Brexitworld (ie the UK) and another poster suggested I move to London. Living in London won't enable anyone to escape the toxic effect of Brexit.

Is there a country you don't want to insult?

Oh, stay where you are, op. The Irish will see right through you.

And a car is a must have in Ireland as public transport is shite in small towns - even Dublin doesn't have an underground

Reasons Dublin doesn't have an Underground are all to do with geology and its close relative, money.

The southern suburbs (Blackrock, Dun Laoghaire, Dalkey, etc) are all built on granite, with mixed slate, granite and quartz extending west into Rathfarnham, Templeogue, Marley, with a lot of black limestone in the rest of the county.

It is nothing like the clay and chalk under London.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geology_of_London#/media/File:Geological_map_of_London_Basin.jpg

In any case, the Luas and much improved bus routes have gone a long way to making it easier to get around Dublin, in particular crossing the north/south divide.

“the south of Ireland” 😝

We don't tend to warm to 'uppity' English - those who feel superior to us - or who we deem to feel superior to us.

Lower the pitch and volume of your voice in Ireland. Irish people tend to speak softly and you will stand out like a sore thumb if your voice is higher pitched, particularly as a woman if your voice comes across as 'squeaky'. A softer/deeper pitch in a woman indicates a more collaborative intent to your audience in Ireland. A collaborative intent is preferable to coming across as superior, judgemental, or whiny as a woman. In men, a lower volume and higher pitch comes across as non-threatening if you're English.

Avoid coming across as competitive or abrasive as a woman. Yes, Leo is gay and there is marriage equality, but it's still a hierarchical society where men and women are concerned. Gay and straight men are still men and enjoy a certain male privilege that still exists.

math Are you Irish?

'Irish people tend to speak softly '

Negatives: The weather (Irish water announced a hosepipe ban last week and it hasn't stopped raining since), the awful roads (complain about the roads and bin charges and you'll fit right in), trying to pronounce certain Irish names, higher cost of living, you need a car as public transport is non-existent outside cities, the 'have I left the immersion on??' fear, fewer shops so less choice, when they spread shit in the fields and it stinks although this doesn't seem to affect people who grew up with it, if you're in the country tractor talk will be part of normal conversations, no NHS so having to pay to see the GP and the £9 prescription charge suddenly seems like a bargain. Oh and getting generic 15p paracetamol or 35p ibuprofen is impossible here.
Positives: Basically everything else.
I fly back to the UK 3 times a year to see family and last time it cost €15 return so it's not a huge issue.
You'll need to develop a thick skin as the Irish will pull the piss out of everything and anyone. And learn the slang.

I would move to Ireland in a heart beat, we’re actually hoping to in a couple of years. I have a house in Offaly and it’s just beautiful. Love the people, love the country.

As pointed out though, your history is well off. Actually, I’m not sure why so many English people struggle to understand the shit that Ireland went through at the hand of the British to be honest.

I'm thinking no...

@mathanxiety

We don't tend to warm to 'uppity' English - those who feel superior to us - or who we deem to feel superior to us.

Lower the pitch and volume of your voice in Ireland. Irish people tend to speak softly and you will stand out like a sore thumb if your voice is higher pitched, particularly as a woman if your voice comes across as 'squeaky'. A softer/deeper pitch in a woman indicates a more collaborative intent to your audience in Ireland. A collaborative intent is preferable to coming across as superior, judgemental, or whiny as a woman. In men, a lower volume and higher pitch comes across as non-threatening if you're English.

Avoid coming across as competitive or abrasive as a woman. Yes, Leo is gay and there is marriage equality, but it's still a hierarchical society where men and women are concerned. Gay and straight men are still men and enjoy a certain male privilege that still exists.

There's been decent advice, a lot of jingoistic overt defensiveness, some chip on the shoulder bitchiness so I guess it's good to have a load of shite to balance things out.

Hi OP, I’m a British woman living in Ireland. My partner and I moved here 2 years ago. I’ve been quite ashamed at how little I knew of Irish history, especially the part played by the British so if you are thinking of coming I would advise you to read up on that.
There are absolutely some people who are anti-British but most are really friendly. I work in Dublin and live just outside of it.
I have a very R4 accent and don’t think that makes a jot of difference - British is British. Be prepared for some fairly (extremely) close to the bone banter and you’ll be fine.
Culturally I would also advise you to read up on the last financial crash as it effected the Irish is such a big way. It informs how a lot of people view the world now.
This country is a beautiful place to live with a slightly slower pace of life. Property (outside of Dublin centre) is more reasonable but the economy (pre-Covid) is doing well.
I don’t think this thread reflects my experiences at all. I’m really happy we made the move.

Yes, I am Irish, but living abroad (and have lived in London too). I notice the voices of the many tourists in the city where I live; English women's voices (in general, not all) have characteristics of pitch that Irish women's voices do not have (in general - yes, we all know Irish women who are loud). People are socialised in very different cultures, and according to sex within those different cultures. There are regional differences within specific cultures too. Socialisation includes pitch and acceptable volume of voice for men and women.

Hi OP
I never post but wanted to give you my opinion. I had an Irish partner a few years ago and we lived in London but would spend good stretches of time visiting Ireland. Anyway, we did eventually move there and I actually found it very difficult and oppressive. I didn’t live in a city, but in a larger town. I found everyone very into each other’s business and many were very focused on religion. I found the Irish in general to be very scathing of each other and there was a real anti English attitude. I was frequently called that ‘English wan’ or a ‘blow in’
I went to Ireland with high hopes as everyone seemed so friendly on holidays, but I found the people hard to fathom when I lived there. They were very funny, friendly and charming but not so behind each other’s backs!
I made some amazing friends though and lived in a beautiful house. I had a great job and the people I did connect with are my friends for life.
I wish you well with your decision

Sorry meant to say I moved back to England 4 years later which was the right decision. I think I was incredibly naive when I first moved to Ireland

CherryValanc - are you talking about my observations of voice pitch or the assertion that male privilege exists in Ireland?

and there was a real anti English attitude. I was frequently called that ‘English wan’ or a ‘blow in’

That really wasn’t showing an anti Eng attitude. That was banter. Trust me you would have far more to say if somebody had been anti Eng towards you.

The pitch and volume of speaking voices is an interesting one. The Irish accent is softer and quieter. Anybody speaking too loudly will be looked at and frowned upon. It is considered to be a sign of being either rude or rough or both.

The voices. I dont really think pointing out male privilege is a thing is exactly going to shock anyone.

CherryValanc, may I buy you a virtual drink?

Thanks again to those who have been kind enough to offer their personal experience. I wish you all, wherever you are living now or hope to live in the future, well.

‘That really wasn’t showing an anti Eng attitude. That was banter. Trust me you would have far more to say if somebody had been anti Eng towards you’
I think some was in good humour, but frequently it was more overt. Regardless, referring to someone by where they’re from is unacceptable in any capacity. Like I’d never call a friend ‘that Irish one’.
I think that Ireland can have its benefits, but if you are not Irish you will always feel like an outsider.