AIBU by not being convinced about moving to Ireland?

[Shedbuilder]

My partner's grandparents were born in Ireland and so she's been able to obtain an Irish passport. I'm English. We're very pro-EU and horrified by Brexit and we hate the current government and direction the UK is taking. We're wondering about putting our money where our mouths are and moving to Ireland. Our parents are all dead, we don't have children, we're on good terms, but not particularly close, to our siblings and their families. We'd plan to come back and visit friends and family in the UK several times a year and we've factored in the cost of doing that.

It would suit my partner well. She's very gregarious, she has the blarney and she also has some family over there already. I wouldn't know anyone. I also worry about what it would be like to be noticeably English in Ireland. I'm not at all posh but I sound a bit Radio 4.

I'm concerned that my partner has some pretty romantic ideas about Ireland. She expects it to be so much better than England. She's just been ranting at the far righters Nazi-saluting at the cenotaph and saying proudly that it wouldn't happen in Ireland. I made the mistake of replying no, it wouldn't happen in Ireland because Ireland stayed neutral during WW2 and then for years persecuted and scapegoated the Irish men and women who volunteered to fight Hitler. That didn't go down well.

The area we would be looking at is probably somewhere within a five-mile radius of Enniscorthy and within relatively easy reach of Wexford and Dublin. Also close to the Rosslare ferry and the coast. The property in that area seems excellent value for money: currently looking at a spacious 4-year-old four-bedroom house on an acre, well away from neighbours, and with a separate double garage and a barn for under £300,000.

We know we'll have to have private medical insurance. We know that we'll have a lot of learning to do and that the chances are I'll be an outsider for the rest of my life. As a lesbian I'm used to that. I'm also aware that Ireland has its own issues around transgender and women's rights, but they seem no worse than they are here.

So tell me, would you move to Ireland if you could?

A very important factor (for me anyway) is the weather, even shittier than the UK and let’s face it that takes some beating! I suspect I couldn’t cope with the amount of rain.
Oh and to the poster who said “you lot voted for Brexit” have you any idea how racist that sounds? British people are not some homogeneous mass, we are individuals (bet that blows your mind). Not all all of us voted Brexit (your mind blown again), it was actually a very close vote. OP made it quite clear she was anti Brexit. And you’re not doing too good a job of being welcoming to “foreigners” yourself. Pot kettle etc?

Just to add, Brexit, Cheltenham and Coronavirus etc has added fuel recently when it had settled down a bit.

We moved here from the U.K. 6 years ago and wouldn’t move back, if you paid me. We love it here, in the far south west corner.

You made a mistake posting in AIBU. Anyone who posts in AIBU is generally pounced on.

You need to come onto craicnet on mumsnet or if you need specific local advice, try boards.ie.

Where I live is very cosmopolitan with a significant proportion of Brits, but I also have friends who moved here from Germany, South Africa, Australia, US, Italy, Spain etc... Nearby is the 1 gigabit town with lots of successful IT businesses. We have senior staff from Apple and Google, living and working locally and commuting occasionally into Dublin for meetings. We also have lots of rowing locally, both river and coastal rowing. Most of the Irish Olympic rowing team grew up around this area.

Neither of us have any Irish connections so it was a bit of a leap when we moved but we’ve made so many friends here, it’s been a fantastic experience. I still have family in the U.K. and when we sit out in our huge garden with fabulous views over the countryside, we feel incredibly grateful that we moved here from our crappy house in Bristol.

I knew very little about Irish history before moving here, but I’ve had a chance to learn, the local history society is very informative and my DS is currently learning the Irish language at school (and during lockdown).

My parents are English and moved here a long time ago. They still have English accents and although when I was a kid we experienced some anti English sentiment it has been many years since anything like that has happened. There are many, many English people here, unless you are a twat it isn't an issue.

OP, I’m Irish, I’ve been in the UK for over 10 years. My DH is English. I’d LOVE to be able to go back and live in Ireland but honestly, I wouldn’t put my DH or kids through it.
There is a lot of anti-English sentiment. Some is just “banter” , some is outright nasty. Worse since Brexit as the UK is viewed as an object of derision for how they’ve carried on (which in my personal view, the likes of BJ etc deserve).
Most people are genuinely lovely. But there is an undertone and I wouldn’t put my English DH or UK born kids through it.

Sorry op - it’s not the land of 1000 welcomes.

Is any country? Does anyone really move to another country expecting 1000 welcomes? surely most people have a realistic idea that anywhere they move will have normal people who can be nice or rude or outgoing or reserved. And most people have the sense not to move somewhere and start criticising how things are there or if they do, expect people to respond to that. It’s hardly Ireland specific.

I'd only move to one of the larger towns or cities, near Dublin, Galway, Cork etc. Transport links have improved but some of the roads are still pretty awful. Property is reasonably priced, but have a look at local amenities and how far you'd travel to shops, drs etc. Attitudes have improved greatly from where they used to be, but as stated up thread its not a little England, it has its own history and culture. A prolonged visit may be more useful than anything else.

I moved here from the UK 12 years ago. Love it. It did take me a little time to adjust and looking back things which got in my way initially was comparing everything to the UK which just doesn't work, and ultimately makes you look like a dick if you start spouting comparisons.

You'll need to start afresh and see Ireland as a separate country with its own history, culture and way of looking at the world.

There is a very good standard of living to be had here. I'd recommend giving it a go.

A very important factor (for me anyway) is the weather, even shittier than the UK and let’s face it that takes some beating

Which part of the U.K.? The weather is certainly not the same throughout.

Thank you Quarantimespringclean. Appreciate the thoughtfulness of your response and your comments re being a lesbian couple. It's one thing being blow-ins but being homosexual too!

My partner spends a couple of weeks with family in Ireland most years. I'm afraid I've only been a tourist. Educate me, please — what happened to the people who served in the British army and navy when they came home? I haven't read the positive stories, possibly because people tend to write about the more negative aspects of these kind of things. I know it's complicated.

It's because of the nature of my business that it would be best to be in a less isolated area of Ireland. The west coast is glorious but very wet and we'd be relocating from a notoriously wet city and hoping for somewhere slightly drier.

My partner favours Wexford because of her family ties in the county and because we have very good friends in West Wales (where I am occasionally reminded very sharply that I am English). Having been marginalised all my life for being a woman in a man's world (I work in construction) and for being lesbian, and being the shy and not good at smalltalk type (which makes it difficult to strike up easy conversation anywhere in the world), I do worry about making meaningful relationships with people. Thank you again.

And a great many of us didn't vote for Brexit, I certainly didn't.

Educate me, please — what happened to the people who served in the British army and navy when they came home?

Educate yourself maybe?

Stillhere, the exact same thing can be said about Irish living in Britain. As a emigrant I didn't critise British culture or history, despite my personal thoughts/ experience s re the British army, colonialism, the NHS etc. And yes I experienced lots of anti Irish people.

OP have you actually been to Ireland? Would you consider an extended holiday or trial period before you actually commit?

You also seem to be concentrating on a very small area. For what it is worth, DH is from Co Cork and I have never been made to feel unwelcome as an English person. There are loads of people from Europe and farther afield many living there for decades. Nor have I heard anti gay sentiments. DH’s DN is gay.

'Do you know the meaning of “lot”?'

'You lot' and 'a lot of you' do not mean the same thing.

Educate me, please

Educate yourself.

The OP has asked for help. She said all she has read about the attitude to those that participated in the war was negative.
A few people jumped at that suggestion, so when she asks for further help and says “ I haven't read the positive stories, possibly because people tend to write about the more negative aspects of these kind of things. I know it's complicated.” Some people tell her to educate herself?
Nice. Real nice.

Thing is, Smallsteps88, Ireland markets itself on its welcome and I was just pointing out that there is an ingrained dislike of Brits here that shouldn’t be understated or whitewashed. That she may be starting off at a disadvantage. I don’t think the weather is much different to the UK but expecting not to have to try twice as hard as anyone else to make friends, assimilate etc is just unrealistic (although I have Polish and Nigerian friends who experience similar problems albeit not ‘historical’ and ingrained). It’s just harder to be from somewhere else generally here and brits are not liked.
Maybe consider west cork, op, where one poster is getting on well. Much more cosmopolitan than many areas.

@ Lottapianos - 'You lot' and 'a lot of you' do not mean the same thing.

You lot is an Irish expression that means a collective group. So it would be the equivalent of saying the UK voted for brexit. It doesn't mean everyone in the UK voted for brexit.

People are jumping on your thread because it has a very strange undertone to it; it sounds like you don’t like Ireland or Irish people very much, even if you didn’t mean to come across that way. As others have stated, it’s not our job to sell ourselves to you. It’s also strange to bring up WW2. Any anti-Britishness you could encounter wouldn’t be to do with that. The type of people who don’t like the English are similar to the type of English people who don’t like foreigners etc; alas these hateful people exist everywhere. Sometimes the focus of the hate is just different. I doubt you’d want to hang around with people like that anyway.

Re: moving to a very small town, it would be similar for an Irish person from a different part of Ireland. You’re considered a “blow in”, but it doesn’t necessarily mean people will be horrible to you.

I think very very few people would give two hoots if you're a lesbian or English. And you wouldn't need health insurance, you can have it if you want to. You seem to have very stereotypical ideas about Ireland which is why people are getting prickly about it.

Wexford is a lovely country, beautiful beaches etc. No need to be near a ferry unless you plan on commuting to the UK a few times a week.

Ricebubbles, Yes I’m well aware of the need to keep my thoughts to myself on Irish matters. Been doing that a long time. Doesn’t stop people having a dig but I don’t retaliate. I’m really sorry you’ve had a hard time in the Uk. There are twats everywhere. It’s very across the board here though. I’m struck how one poster says they’d wouldn’t move back with their English husband and kids as they know what it would be like. Says it all really.

Yeah no one will care that you’re gay. The leader of the country is gay! Try to not worry about that at least.

Why do you think there would be some ill feeling towards Irish men who fought for the British during WW2 OP?
I'll give you a hint. History.

Have you learnt most of you understanding of ireland and Irish people from your partner? Her opinion about Ireland not being like that I'm afraid is said with rose-tinted glasses on. Ireland is one of the worst countries in the EU for racial hostility/violence. Not something I'm proud to have to accept. I think you'd have more issue if you're not white. (You don't mention that in you're OP.)

As for being English it just depends where you live, for hostility. Hostility is not common, less community more individuals. As mentioned you won't be able to criticise anything about Ireland when you aren't Irish. (However, I dont think that's exclusive to Ireland in any shape or form.)

Sexuality-wise, I think it might be similar. Definitely a belief Ireland has become less homophobic, and it's possibly true. In the sense that those who are bigoted now know that it's not a majority feeling.

For what it's worth I know two English women who moved to Ireland because their (female) partners are Irish. Both enjoy life here. (Both live in Dublin.) One could definitely present on Radio Four.