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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

366 replies

OntheWaves40 · 12/06/2020 23:46

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

OP posts:
AnimalCrossing · 15/06/2020 06:42

I went on a date with a guy who compared a celebrity to a m..g let’s say I got up up and left. I don’t date ppl who talk like that.

However I think a longtime partner maybe deserves to explain himself. Sometimes people don’t always catch a meaning until you remind them.

Wecandothis99 · 15/06/2020 06:42

Meh. It's not like he shouted the word at someone e

Luddite26 · 15/06/2020 07:22

Gosh I'm 48 I thought it was a drug related term for being relaxed. I've googled it and some of the explanations in the urban dictionary have made me feel physically sick. But I had no idea until I read this that it was offensive. I've never used it because I didn't want to sound like a druggie.
We weren't brought up to use derogatory terms about disabled people so I have never connected this. I think OP is just looking for an excuse instead of saying she's been looking elsewhere.

Tompbabs1 · 15/06/2020 07:31

I’ve never heard that expression before so had to goggle it. Yes it is offensive by today’s standards suspect he needs to goggle it too he may be unaware of its meaning. Bit of education needed

Original poster
OntheWaves40 · 15/06/2020 07:53

@HirooOnoda you’re way off the mark. I don’t want validation to dump someone. I can dump him whenever I want for any reason I want. I wanted exactly what I got. Someone to say no you don’t have to dump him you can work through this, it’s not as bad as you think. But to imply he’s a poor chap for seeing me when I’ve already stated in my OP that I didn’t respond to his use of that word and carried on as I was isn’t nice.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 15/06/2020 08:05

Oh for crying out loud. Thanks for the warning in the title. Mumsnet should really have a banner. 'Warning, posts may contain words'.

BlackKite · 15/06/2020 08:40

Apologies if I haven't seen it, but is there any evidence out there that the phrase 'monging out' does have etymological roots in relation to Down Syndrome?

I know the expression 'monging out' and I know the offensive term 'mongol(oid)', but is it actually true that they are linked, or that 'monging out' is derived from mongol?

longwayoff · 15/06/2020 08:53

You are 40!?!? Bloody hell.

Iggi999 · 15/06/2020 08:58

@Wecandothis99

Meh. It's not like he shouted the word at someone e
Set the bar low don't you?
theonlywayisapple · 15/06/2020 08:59

I know it's deemed offensive and I'd never say it but it means something else now. It's a very popular term in young people now. I think it's here to stay

ChangeThePassword · 15/06/2020 09:08

But to imply he’s a poor chap for seeing me when I’ve already stated in my OP that I didn’t respond to his use of that word and carried on as I was isn’t nice

This is AIBU. If you want nice, you really need to post somewhere else.

Tomasinabombadil · 15/06/2020 09:13

Urban Dictionary definition of the word Mong

The act of just relaxing andchilling out, sometimes (though not necessarily) whilst or after having partaken in the smoking of Cannabis.

Mongingusually takes place around the house however could occur in any comfortable exterior location of choice, e.g. sauna, field,hottub, etc.

Origin presumed to be from mong as in the act that such a person performs.

I'm gonna gomongfor a bit.

He's just been mongingabout allday.

She justmongsall day, never does any work.
Smile

Geauxtigers · 15/06/2020 09:38

I'm as Liberal as they come. I don't use 'ocd', retard, spaz etc in my lexicon but I had no idea of the meaning behind mong. Although I don't use the phrase monging out on my vocabulary I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if someone had said it in front of me as I just had no idea! I would definitely speak to him about it.

LonginesPrime · 15/06/2020 10:46

Urban Dictionary definition of the word Mong

Urban Dictionary is great for finding out what people might mean by the slang they're using, but it obviously doesn't help to work out the etymology of a word as anyone can write anything.

It's not a reliable source of facts, it just shows how people are using language and what they mean by it.

Bluntness100 · 15/06/2020 10:50

it just shows how people are using language and what they mean by it.

Well isn’t, given the context of the thread, that important? You write it like only it’s origins matter and how he is using it or what he means is not relevant. Language evolves, understanding intent, common usage is as important as understanding the etymology.

Margerine78 · 15/06/2020 10:50

I might be a phrase he picked up as a kid and its carried on into his adult vocabulary without him ever properly thinking of the origins? I have a lovely, liberal, respectful, and progressive friend very recently (we're in our 40s) describe her boyfriend as "half-cast" perfectly innocently, and I explained it was deemed offensive now. She had no idea and never said it again.

Explain it to him first I reckon, and if he carries on using it then you know he's a dick.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 15/06/2020 11:03

Offensive word warning?!

Thanks for giving me a laugh, I needed that today

forsucksfake · 15/06/2020 11:05

Definitely cancel him. Post it in social media. Tell his employers. Share it with all and sundry so they know how vile he is for saying an offensive word with the evil intent of erasing and invalidating and violating and literally killing people.

LakieLady · 15/06/2020 11:12

I first heard "monging out" in the early 1980's. Back then it was used specifically in respect being sleepy/semi-comatose because of alcohol or, more usually, drugs (usually opiates).

Haven't heard it for years, save from a very unsavoury client in the early noughties.

LakieLady · 15/06/2020 11:19

I had no idea of the meaning behind mong

I'm in my 60s and when I was young children with Downs were routinely referred to as "mongols", including by medical professionals. Both my parents were nurses, and one of their old text books from the 50s had a section on "mental impairment" that referred to "Mongoloid children".

Just asked DP, who's a few years younger, and when he was at school "mongol" was still used professionally. Neither of us can recall when it changed, although it had definitely become a pejorative term by approx 1970.

AreYouLocal2 · 15/06/2020 11:24

My mother used to use the word 'wank' to describe someone angrily walking away! She would say "and he just wanked off!". It's only when I got older that I realised what 'wank' really means!

Of course I had to correct her!!!!

Anniissa · 15/06/2020 11:37

Whilst it might now be used by some people just meaning lazing about not moving much, the origins come from describing the after effects of drugs which leave your senses dulled so all you can do is sit around drooling supposedly like a stereotypical disabled person. I don’t think we should immediately castigate someone for using it if they are unaware.You might be unaware of that connection and use the phrase innocently but it is very offensive and I can’t see how anyone would continue to use the phrase once it has been pointed out. It’s not like there aren’t many other ways of saying you were chilling out or lazing around that don’t have offensive connotations.

TerrorWig · 15/06/2020 12:18

I’m 37 and had no idea there was a meaning other than how he used it until I joined MN.

I can see how your work has influenced your feelings - but I think it’s a little unfair to proclaim a person ‘vile’ when you admit he’s actually not from the UK originally.

Everlandia · 15/06/2020 12:32

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to understand the offensive meaning behind the word. I would balk too at someone using that word, just as the hackles on my neck went up to overhearing a young cabin crew member on a plane last year used the ‘spaz’ reference. It still makes me irrationally angry as I knew the vile abuse some with disabilities had to endure on the end of those words. He may not know the term though as it might be a generational thing (I’m in my early 40s) but if he continued using it after your chat, I’d drop him like a stone.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 15/06/2020 12:34

My mother used to use the word 'wank' to describe someone angrily walking away!

Fantastic. I love these sorts of anecdotes. My own mother was naturally quite vulgar in her speech, but she was always so careful not to swear in front of me, so to avoid using the term "wanker" she used to refer to people as masturbators -

E.g. "i can't stand my boss. He is a total masturbator"

My childhood was brilliant.