I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

You do seem prone to over reacting 😬
I wouldn't tolerate that language either but I'd have a conversation first before condemning a partner. Does he know you see other people?

Yes he knows I see other people as mentioned upthread. That isn’t really relevant to this though.
There has been a lot of assumptions on this thread and it makes me realise that it’s those kind of attitudes that can be damaging to progress.
He’s Indian so therefore doesn’t understand English words. Lots of British people don’t seem to understand it either on this thread.
We’ve been seeing each other for 12 months therefore he should be my bf/partner and we shouldn’t date anyone else. Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes and if he doesn’t want to commit to me then to hell with sitting home and waiting for him.
I can handle him not wanting to settle down but I won’t idly stand by why he makes offensive remarks (well tbf I did but I’m mad at myself for not getting my thoughts in order quicker but that’s just the way I’m wired).

There are clearly much larger issues. He's using you and uses language which turns you off. All such a mess. I would simplify your life by cutting him out for sure.

Yes he’s Indian but he’s also been in the uk since he was a teenager (uni), those that seem to assume because he’s Indian that he doesn’t speak fluent English from birth need to think about why they would assume that.

Actually I did assume he could speak English fluently. Someone who says ‘nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly’ sounds like a fluent English speaker to me. I also assumed from your other thread that English wasn’t his first language and that he’d moved here as an adult. I was correct on all counts. The point is that if dozens of (presumably) British people on on here don’t understand why the word is offensive, then you could give the benefit of the doubt to someone who doesn’t even speak English as his first language. Who might be less likely to understand the root meaning of every English slang term, having lived here for a much shorter time than you. Just you know, treating him with a little thoughtfulness, rather than jumping to ‘he’s vile’.

probably really ignorant of me but I had no idea this was an offensive word, it is used a lot in the age group I'm in and has been for years. so this has genuinely been something I've just learnt - give your partner the benefit of the doubt, by all means have an opinion but my goodness you seem reactive. seems to me like you want a reason to end it - just do it

I think you should explain why it’s offensive rather than just dump him for it.

Until relatively recently I would refer to a Chinese takeaway as a ‘chinky’. I don’t now, since I realised it’s offensive and am ashamed of using the word in the past.

I thought monging meant "chilling" very confused what the issue is .

Monging n. Idling, relaxing, or vegetating (especially due to drugs or alcohol or their after-effects); vegging out, chilling out, or chillaxing

Pretty much what I thought other then the drugs part. Now I'm even more confused by what the issue is

Read the thread and you’ll find out won’t you @LovelyIssues

@StarScream22 looks like it's one of those words that can be taken in many ways. I've not heard of it in a offensive way. Huge over reaction PP but it if bothers you you could mention it to him

You could just explain to him why you find 'monging out' offensive....I seriously doubt he he using it with that in mind.

Good grief...

Never heard the expression and from Google, it seems to mean, ‘chill out’, so am obviously missing something here...?!

You are missing reading the thread, where it is explained and fairly early on too iirc.

I want to know what HE SAID. why?

Well being male, I might be able to spin some light on to what he might have meant.

The expression, sometimes use to enhance how bored you've been, from men can be... Oh not much, just sat having a wank.

In other words, not doing a bloody thing and bored shitless. It doesn't actually mean, he's been having a wank.

Are you ok babes

Oh dear, this is a very common term used here to mean chilling out! I think you have overreacted massively on this and to be honest if that was a deal breaker there can’t have been much to break in the 1st place.

You need to let him give his side of things before you condemn him and ask what he actually means and if he says what you think it means just say you find the term really offensive... if he is the nice guy you say he is then he will consider your feelings. TBH I have never heard that saying before although I understand what you mean.

I'm guessi g he used the expression, monging out or similar.

I'm fairly pc, but I didn't realise that it meant anything other than someone being stoned.

Other words mentioned, even myself (and my generation +) learnt to stop using those words years ago.

I will say to.call someone.who is downs a Mongol etc, is wrong, it's a condition completely different. A Mongol person often (discriptive reasons only) have a similar look to "teen wolf", which is completely different in looks to downs.

I'm.confused by OP saying.... His English ain't great, while saying... Don't presume he can't speak English cos he's Indian.

Blimey,

Op when people use the wrong word you need to look at their intention. Was it a lack of understanding or did they intend to use the term in an offensive manner, if it was simply he didn’t think about it or realise then you explain politely recognising his intent was not bad.

If he uses it again and knows, and his intent is to be offensive then yes it’s not to be tolerated. But your reaction is not ok. Normally you’d just text back or call and say that words not ok and this is why please don’t use it again as I’m sure you wouldn’t wish to

Not, I think I’ll get on mumsent and tell everyone I’m gonna dump him for it.

I think OP knows what mumsnet is usually like regarding words like this and was hoping to start a frothy thread where everyone descended I to chaos of disablism.

Backfired though.

You are completely overreacting

@MacBlank it literally says in the OP what he said.

You are being completely over the top.
Calling someone a mong is offensive.
Saying I'm monging around is fine. It just means chilling out or really relaxed after smoking canabis.

So, calling someone a "spaz" would be offensive, but saying "he was spazing around" would not be? By that logic?

But he didn’t use the term Mongal but Monging.

monging
The act of just relaxing and chilling out, sometimes (though not necessarily) whilst or after having partaken in the smoking of Cannabis.

Monging usually takes place around the house however could occur in any comfortable exterior location of choice, e.g. sauna, field, hottub, etc.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=monging&amp=true&defid=2462246

It’s not what your stating it as and sorry op I think your over reacting on this