I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

[LonginesPrime]

You write it like only it’s origins matter and how he is using it or what he means is not relevant

I'm not saying that - I just don't think quoting Urban Dictionary for the origins of a word is particularly helpful.

I absolutely believe that language is, and should be, dynamic and is a tool to be used by people rather than a set of strict rules that should be adhered to at all costs. I have no issue with slang or Urban Dictionary in general.

But if you are going to look at etymology, which the post I was referring to did, I don't think quoting Urban Dictionary supports the argument that the word didn't come from an outdated term for disabled people.

[blueluce85]

I think a lot of people are being unfair here. One of the ways a child is taught words is to just hear them used in context. I never knew mong to be an unkind word, so unless someone tells me that it is unkind, I'd only ever heard it used in the context OPs BF used and wouldn't know it was wrong.

Spaz on the other hand, I know the origins, and usually because it was always used in a derogatory way, that even without understanding the meaning behind it, you know it to be wrong (I do know what it refers to, and I would never use the term)

But please don't write people off for not knowing the meaning behind all words.

Who here above can tell me how ever single word in the English language was derived? You, and only you can criticise people for not knowing the meaning of some words.

It would be different if a person used a word.. Then when asked if they knew where it came from, was explained to, and then still chose to use it.... Then write them off

[longwayoff]

Re mothers, friend said to her 82 year old mum, 'I've got a Named Famous Cook cake for your birthday'. Mothers response " Named Famous Cook is a cunt". This was a surprise coming from a woman who rarely says so much as damn. No explanation followed. Got a different cake.

[Choccylips]

I've never heard it before so wouldn't have taken offence. But I think if you over react like that he will be well rid of you.

[CatLandlady]

I can’t believe how many people are saying Urban Dictionary says it means chilling out therefore it ok to use it! Urban Dictionary says a LOT of things, but it doesn’t mean it ok to use them in everyday language. Ha ha can you imagine the conversations 😂😂

[Luddite26]

What I meant was I have only heard it used in the context of what one of the meanings in the urban dictionary. I didn't mean it's ok to use, but the OP shouldn't assume that everyone knows of the same meaning that she knows.
It must have been used a he'll of a long time ago in that context or older people have used it.

[KarmaStar]

Agree you are overreacting.
Unless you are subconsciously looking for an excuse to end it.
Give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him if he knows the implications of the word and say you find it distasteful.
But you might want to also calm down a bit.

[WarmSausageTea]

I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react

Why not? I don’t buy the ‘I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say’ excuse in circumstances like this. What if he’d used a racial, misogynistic or homophobic slur? Would you have not reacted to one of those? As soon as he said it, it would have been easy to say ‘That’s a horrible/unacceptable/whatever thing to say’, but you didn’t.

We should all be open to being educated about language as it evolves. Usually we can do it ourselves, but every now and again, we might need to be told.

If you’re that bothered, tackle it. Tell him. If he listens and learns, great. If not, you can decide whether this is someone you want to be with, or not.

[Brockaslass]

Monging out where I come from means your drunk or intoxicated. Lounging around doing nothing. I have learning disabilities/autism and have seizures but wouldn't consider this offensive like you have.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Good find Butterer!

I was a child in the 70s and 80s and we used to use the bad words listed here - r, s and monging out. There was also calling people a "Benny" (after the character in Crossroads who had LDs). My siblings were a bit younger than me and in the 80s and 90s referred to people being cross as "having an epi" (which is also disablist).

I don't use any of these phrases now as I do know where they all come from .

[famousforwrongreason]

Unless he was aware of the Ricky Gervais story, I very much doubt he will know what the word 'mong' is derived from.
I can't imagine many people under fifty would know that the longer versions of the word were once used to describe people with Downs Syndrome.
Unless you have other concerns about him, I suggest you raise it and just ask if he knows what it's derived from. Then you can make your decision based on his answer.

[famousforwrongreason]

@longwayoff

Re mothers, friend said to her 82 year old mum, 'I've got a Named Famous Cook cake for your birthday'. Mothers response " Named Famous Cook is a cunt". This was a surprise coming from a woman who rarely says so much as damn. No explanation followed. Got a different cake.

Your mum sounds fab. Please can you name the faamouus chef?

[Jenasaurus]

I had to look up the meaning as I thought it meant chilling, now I have had a wake up I will never use the word, never have used the word but have heard others use it.

[Jenasaurus]

It reminds me of when I was at school and had used the word ravished instead of famished in something in my story that I had to read out, but I was about 10

[GoGadgetGo]

I remember years ago someone would use to word all the time . I had never heard of it until then and had no idea of the background to it.
In the context they used it in was like ' youre such as idiot'.
Only later did I realise what it referred to. Thankfully it wasn;t a word I would have used. So maybe he doesn't know.

It's a bit like when people do the tongue in their chin for when you make a mistake. This was common place decades ago, but is still used here and there and sometimes I think some ppl do it a quick reaction without even thinking about it, but if they did think about it, this should be stopped too.