I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

[LouLouLoo]

It's not an expression I would use. In your shoes I would have just asked him not to use the word again as you find it offensive. It wouldn't be dumping territory for me.

[GhostCurry]

OP you really hoped that everyone would be falling over themselves to agree with you, didn’t you?

[backseatcookers]

I would get the infixable ick from someone saying that OP.

I think it's interesting you say you've being "seeing someone for 12 months" as usually people would say "my boyfriend" at that stage.

Not a criticism but maybe just an indication that after 12 months things aren't that serious and that may be a sign in itself?

[Redleathertrousers]

Overreaction. The word is gross but he may not know its connotations. Explain then decide.

[incognitomum]

I hate it too and also work with people who have disabilities.


I've heard people say " I was monged referring" to being drunk. A
Hate it.

[Aveisenim]

I'd never heard before today so had no idea what it means. Completely possible he doesn't either.

[incognitomum]

Sorry about the mistakes am tired and should be sleeping.

[PurpleDaisies]

Is he not pissed off that you went on a first date with someone else ten days ago?

Surely that’s a better reason to break up.

[PastMyBestBeforeDate]

Why don't you ask him what that word means? If he says lazing then try explaining why it's not acceptable and see what he says.

[UmmH]

Wow, I'd honestly never heard that word before, though I know about the other inappropriate use of the word it is related to. I would ask him if he knows what it means and explain why it's offensive and wrong and see what he says. It could be he hasn't made the connection.

[Flootered]

Not cool but sheesh do we live in an extremist and woke world when a turn of phrase (however poorly thought out) warrents a thread on the Internet and questioning a yearing relationship.

(no judgement OP I can be equay as fickle, I just think we've all lost the run of ourselves a but)

[Flootered]

*excuse typos, new phone!

[borntohula]

Huge overreaction and I say that as someone with a disabled DS. I've used words and phrases before without knowing about the connotations. I don't anymore, now I know.

[LonginesPrime]

I just thought wtf did he just say that

Sounds like no-one's ever told him it's offensive so he probably has no idea.

It's a good job you explained it to him, OP!

Oh, wait...

[Pogz92]

I grew up saying this word. My whole family say it.

Only in the last few years have I realised what an awful term it is and have stopped.

Though I do have the odd slip up when my mouth goes faster than my brain.

I stopped because someone said to me 'you know that's not a very nice term, it's disablist'

Why not try having a conversation with him?

[Morewinenowmofos]

I dont believe that this single comment is why you would consider ending a 12 month relationship- there is other issues. You could simply say- thats horrible and offensive, please think about the connotations and why i would be offended. Its an out of date term, habit maybe,not right but if you spoke up it would be resolved.

[expat101]

I haven't heard of it before either. So thank you to the earlier poster for the explanation.

Would it be a deal breaker for me? No, but depending on other aspects of the relationship too. If you are not happy overall, then maybe it is time to move on?

Having said that, just in the last fortnight or so, people seem to be really uptight and taking things more personally than before lockdown. Whether this is related to COVID or not, it's my observation that sensitivities are at an all time high right now.

Maybe a deep breath is what is required instead?

[LouLouLoo]

I just googled the phrase. It appears many aren't aware of where the term came from and also an argument that language has evolved and that its meaning has changed over the years, much the same as the word idiot no longer has medical associations.

It is still not a word I would choose to use, but suspect that many don't realise that it can be considered and offensive term.

[CuppaZa]

I’d educate him and see what his response is/if he says it again. I think it’s awful, along with ‘spaz’ I just couldn’t be with someone who continued to say these words after explaining how offensive they can be.

[BanditoShipman]

Don’t understand the reference to a first date ten days ago?

[Excited101]

One of my closest friends uses it to mean relaxing, I think it’s a regional thing. She’s the only one of my friends to use it.

[incognitomum]

Today 00:20PurpleDaisies

Is he not pissed off that you went on a first date with someone else ten days ago?

Surely that’s a better reason to break up

That's bizarre. Wonder why OP is dating if she's been with this man 12 months? Unless it's an open relationship?

[incognitomum]

@BanditoShipman if you search threads OP has been 9n a dating thread. I only looked to satisfy my curiosity.

[incognitomum]

I really need to sleep!

[Iggi999]

Maybe noone else has called him out on this before? Is he young?
He has probably heard it on some dumb tv programme and doesn't connect it with disability. I would personally explain and then seen what he does next.