I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

ThisOnce you know the derivation, surely you stop using it?

You would think so but some people will now know the connotation and use it anyway....

Lol for the lady whose 70 year old dad got 'torn a new one' (OMG is that birth-ist referring to the perineum?)

I thought torn a new one was referring to the arse hole so nothing to do with birth.

Literally nobody is defending the use of ableist slurs on this thread.

Some (including me) are saying that they were unaware of the use of “mong” to refer to people with Downs Syndrome, so wouldn’t connect it to anything offensive. The vast majority of posters have also said that once they realised the history of the phrase they stopped using it.

Of course if you hear someone calling someone else “a mong” you’d realise it’s an insult and research why; but there’s nothing really about the phrase “monging about” that automatically links it to disability if you didn’t know about the “mong” connection.

WHY is it acceptable in America to say "spaz" and "retard" in many movies and series? It's in some I've shown my dc, and it is awful every time. I remember it in Buffy too.

@Iggi999

WHY is it acceptable in America to say "spaz" and "retard" in many movies and series? It's in some I've shown my dc, and it is awful every time. I remember it in Buffy too.

Because American English and British English are two pretty much distinct languages with their own slang and history. Those words don't have the same connotations in the USA, as much as other words here don't. So while it's acceptable to say "Fag" (meaning cigarette) casually over here, it's very, very offensive over there.

People may like to know that cretin is also an outdated term for people with disabilities. As is idiot. I doubt many people knew those, either- I didn't until fairly recently.

cretin: a condition characterized by physical deformity and learning difficulties that is caused by congenital thyroid deficiency.

Idiot:

Sorry, there was meant to be a link there: www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/moron-idiot-imbecile-offensive-history

I'm not sure I buy that, the words are used to have the same meaning in the US.

Wow, I read the first few posts, realised I’d over reacted and assumed the thread was done and didn’t see the messages until now.
This dating malarkey is hard! I can never gauge it right! Sometimes I’m told to LTB over things I think are workable and times like now I’m told I’m over reacting.
Those who have dug up my posting history, whats that about? I think you need to find something more interesting to do, my posting history isn’t that exciting I’m afraid! Is it relevant whether I’m seeing one person or 20? I never said I planned to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him, just that I’d been seeing him a year and I thought I would have to call it a day.

For context I dont particularly like words like “crazy” or “mad” etc.

But I think outdated terms like mong, spaz, retard (even typing those feels uncomfortable) are on a whole different level of offensive.

But 10 yrs ago when my DD started with epilepsy, I realised I often used “had a fit” as in such a thing happened “and I nearly had a fit, it was such a shock”. That got me thinking about being more mindful about what I said.

Does he make a habit of using words like this? If not and this is a one off,I think you are over reacting.

I'd say your overreacting and my sons got severe learning difficulties. Why not educate your partner on offensive phrases .

How do you search threads?

I had no idea this was offensive (although not something I'd really say anyway). Consider me educated! Hopefully he is a ignorant as I was! Speak to him about it rather than going a bit crazy

It might relate to an old sleeping tablet / sedative called mogadon - it's a benzo diazepine like valium. Just a thought 🙏

Those who have dug up my posting history, whats that about? I think you need to find something more interesting to do, my posting history isn’t that exciting I’m afraid! Is it relevant whether I’m seeing one person or 20? I never said I planned to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him

I agree with this. AS is pretty bad form in general, IMO.

i thought monging meant lazing :S i know a lot of weed smokers (through an old job) who use the term monged or monging as lazing about or chilling

Think through what way they mean that.

Some people are being pretty thick and /or faux-naive with the ‘Oh, round here/according to the urban dictionary it just means ‘zoning out’/lazing/out of it on weed. Surely even the most thoughtless user of language can make the connection with using an unpleasant denigration of the supposed mental capacities of people with Down Syndrome as a metaphor once it’s pointed out?

Or do you all gaily throw around ‘retard’/spaz/‘going down the Paki shop‘ or for a ‘Chinky’?

I got called a vegetable by my maths teacher, just 10 years ago. But I live in Cornwall, which is 50 years behind and literally everyone I know uses mong, retard, spaz, half caste, paki etc all the time.

Spanishcove you can call me thick if you want; I genuinely had never heard the term “mong” used as an insult - others I had so knew they were to be avoided.

@Dyrne, but assuming you heard it used in the context the OP gives, didn’t it ever occur to you to wonder what this term meant?

I googled monging around as I have never heard that phrase. The answer I got was that it was sitting around consuming cannabis or after having consumed cannabis.
I have read the connotations of the word by PP. I would not approve of the phrase being used in that connection at all.
The consumption of cannabis would not be approved by me so that is why I would dump his sorry backside.

I am actually horrified that there is ANYONE trying to defend the use as being lazing around and cannot see why that’s to do with those with Down Syndrome! It was well known it was a derogatory phrase when I was in primary school, and that was in the 70s! As a mum of a now adult who happens to have Down Syndrome it literally makes me furious that ANYONE is defending the current usage!

Yes Op should explain and give the chance BUT it has been explained time and again here yet others are what’s the fuss about!

It took to page 9 before anyone likened the use to derogatory terms for race, and yet that’s exactly what it is... use them at your peril, they can be reported as hate crimes and rightly so.

What stunned me is that the use of the race terms were deleted yet the horrific phrases stand... do better!

monging - meaning goofing off?
not sure what meaning you have for it?
People do use words differently, especially slang - can mean totally different things to different people. Like 'fanny' in America...
Do get over (yourself) it.