My ex fiance raped me, more times than I could even count, by coercion, by controlling behaviour, by financial control, by threatening me that if I didn't comply he'd pay for sex & it would be my fault if he, & I, caught a disease. He regularly screamed at me, backed me up against a wall & bellowed in my face until I was shaking with fear. He raised his hand to me several times. He terrified me with his reckless driving, although I suspect it may actually have been quite calculated to deliberately scare me, as he knew it did. But he never hit me & because he wasn't actually physically violent, I was too young & naive to realise what his behaviour really was. I never went to the police or even told anyone until a long, long time after it was over. Only 2 people know anything about it in RL.
My DH has MH issues. Strictly speaking, according to the Women's Aid website, I'm in an abusive relationship. We have significant challenges to deal with anyway, TBH, which doesn't help. He is lovely most of the time but get angry really quickly & blames me for a lot of things, & shouts at me & DD a lot. Proper, proper angry shouting. And he used to occasionally hit DD. I asked him once what he'd think if DD grows up to marry someone who screams at her when he's angry, or frustrated, & who hits her. And he said he'd be really cross & upset. And I pointed out that that's exactly how he treats her, & me, & asked him how she is supposed to know what a proper loving relationship when her only male influence regularly reduces her to tears - and he told me to fuck off (in front of DD) & stormed off. But, I can't leave. He is my carer, & I will probably lose custody of my DD if we split up - I am bedbound some days. I can't risk it. I just try to tell her, as often as I can, that it's not ok for daddy to shout at her, that he's ill & it makes him act in a way that's not ok. And that most men are not like that & that he's sorry. He does apologise, usually. But it always happens again. He's stopped smacking DD, I think I got through to him on that.
I understand why JKR might not have spoken up. There are so many reasons why. Society educates us, from infancy, that women are responsible for the actions of men. It's like a poison. I stand with her.