Who is being unreasonable about toddler eating crayon?

[Ellona]

Hello lovely mumsnetters I'm in need of some perspective as I feel so guilty and crap I cant think straight.

So basically I have two DC 8 and 1.5years. I wont pussy foot around they were stressing me out so I decided to put 1.5year old in play pen and go out for a fag forgetting to check whether there was anything I the play pen as little one likes to throw things in there. So I've gone out the back and didn't realise there was a crayon In there. Partner comes in shouting get in here now as little one is eating a crayon and wtf was I thinking not checking before I went out. I immediately apologised and feel terrible at this point. He has basically said if anything happends to little one he will get my parents to come and get them beat me up and go to prison as I'm a terrible mother for not making sure he is safe and I shouldn't be trusted with the children alone. I know I was wrong and thank god the crayons are toddler friendly( non toxic). And I totally understand people lashing out when they are angry.

So my question is am I a terrible mother for allowing this to happen? I've always considered myself a good mother and nothing like this has happened before but I cant shake the feeling terrible and I'm starting to doubt myself.

Please be brutally honest I can take it.

Op you have said a few times that your partner is overprotective of the children. What exactly do you mean by that? Whar does he do?

Goodness no! It's a crayon for god sake, I'm sure kids have eaten much worse.

Your OH sounds wonderful!

Sweetheart, read up on coercive control.
Jealousy and over protectiveness are signs of this.
No wonder you have depression and anxiety.
Couples counselling is not recommended in cases of abuse.
We can see clearly that this is abuse.
A loving partner and dad does not threaten to beat up the mother of his children over a total non-event.
Next step is he will beat you up, and then it will escalate.
You are not going to be safe, and your DCs will pick up on it all and it will have a bad effect on them.
Look after your DCs and their mum. Get them out of there, you are all at risk.

Your children will be damaged. If you won’t seek help for your own sake, do it for theirs.

Omg. No ofcourse you are not. I have a terrible two year old and a mischievous five year old. They have been in some right situations..all was fine. Ate playdoh. Ones had washing up liquid in his eye. Pom pom up the nose. One fell down four steps. Eating mud at the park. Eating strawberry leaves. It's what I call "good for the immune system" most crayons surely are safe!

Your partner's an idiot.

Kids eat things they shouldn’t all the time. It is in no way acceptable for your partner to say that to you. A good dad doesn’t threaten to beat up his children’s mum. Passionate and protective can also be a different way of saying controlling. How long have you had depression and anxiety for? I’d have depression and anxiety if I lived with him

You must have an inkling that he's wrong because you pose the question yourself in the title of this thread.

Who is wrong? Both of you but he is not just wrong but abusive with it whereas yours was just a mistake and not even that noteworthy. Kids crayons are lovely colours. They look like fruit and smell like fruit sometimes. That's why they are non toxic. It's not different to them eating a bit of wax off a Babybel. Your DH on the other hand is far more toxic.

I hope this thread is fake
Your partner threatened to beat you up and you ignore that?

Leave him immediately for your sanity and safety and children's safety
Your husband is a far greater risk to your kids
Well done for putting baby in safe place an taking a break you did the right thing
Now be a good mum and leave him

Another one here who is advising you to get some help from Women’s Aid as soon as possible.
Your partners reaction was completely irrational and raised a red flag for me. It reminded me of a friend whose dog had hurt itself running around the garden, all totally innocent, but the friends teenage son had a similar reaction to your partner, blamed his Mother, and threatened to her up.
The upshot of this story is that the son ended up in prison a few years later for a violent assault on another person.
Please OP listen to people who are giving you advice to get help. You and your children deserve better.

You have anxiety and depression because you're living with a abusive dickhead.

Even an empty threat of domestic abuse is completely unacceptable.
And you don't know when that empty threat may become reality.

Please talk to someone you can trust (your parents, Women's Aid etc.).

My brother put a cat turd in his mouth from a sand pit , not nice. But no harm done
All my dad did was reassure my mum and help wash his mouth

I would be getting up this morning and calling my parents, telling them what happened and ask them to come and collect me and the kids.

I notice your reference to him doing "one of his hobbies" in another room. How much time does he spend on his hobbies on his own?

Leave him today

He sounds terrifying

Your partner abusing you is never ok or reasonable. Threatening to beat you up because you are “such a bad mother” is abusive. Your toddler will be fine and you have more important issues to deal with- like not being in a relationship with someone who behaves this way.

Leaving children unattended to "have a fag", threatening partner and abusive parents. Lovely.

You missed the bit where the other parents left the children alone for considerably longer than two minutes in order to do a hobby on his own in the bedroom. That’s ok with you, presumably?

He was doing one of his hobbies in the bedroom when this happened
How many hobbies do you have?
Would he have called for your help if it had been you doing your hobby so n the bedroom?
Would your u have been this angry if he had been in charge when this happened?

To be the best parent you can be you need to leave this man. He is clearly abusive. Please get him out of your house asap.

The crayon might be non toxic but he still could of choked. I think the rest of your post sounds delightful!

@WhitbyGoth the child didn't choke though. Op made a mistake not checking the play pen which she's owned up to, does that mean it's ok for her partner to threaten to beat her?

You’re allowed to leave a child in a play pen and have a break close by. That’s not an issue. His response is an issue though and abusive.

It's ok to step away from your securely contained 18 month old kid for 5 minutes to de-stress. Better than the alternative!

It's ok to eat a crayon. It's just wax. The worst that will happen is that it can be a bit of a laxative.

It's not ok to threaten violence. Ever. You need to kick his arse to the kerb.

That is definitely not a normal reaction. No-one should be threatening to beat their partner up regardless.

This is no way to live.

A good parent spends time with their children - not shut themselves away to do a hobby.

He threatened to get your parents to come so he could beat you up - he crossed a line there OP that cannot be uncrossed.

He checked out so much you needed 5 minutes and were in such a state you didnt realise about a crayon (which frankly we have all been there the things DS ate the summer before he turned 3 are still laughed about) and he said he was prepared to go to prison.

Its going to be tough as I suspect this thread could shine a light on other parts of your relationship that you hide with terms such as passionate. No one should be a passionate parent they simply dont go together