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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

355 replies

Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:27

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

OP posts:
Knucklehead101 · 10/06/2020 17:30

How did he word his message? Was it "thank you so much but I'd prefer to open my present from you when we are together?"

Ellmau · 10/06/2020 17:32

Was there alcohol in the cake?

zscaler · 10/06/2020 17:32

Was he trying to be nice and make time for you on another occasion? It seems really odd - if he’s usually nice I wouldn’t necessarily assume he was being a dick. I would speak to him about why you found it hurtful and see what he says.

Charlieiscool · 10/06/2020 17:33

I agree, it depends on how he worded it but it doesn’t sound great.

Original poster
Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:33

There was no thank you. 'If it's alright can we do it when we get some proper time together'.
Which I understand maybe about the presents, but a cake, that I'd made for them all to eat...
Surely he could of taken them inside and then said later that he saved them for me.

OP posts:
Nacreous · 10/06/2020 17:34

The present sort of makes sense but the cake is mad. Surely you'd take cake and present and say "thank you so much, I'm going to save the present for when we can see each other". The cake would go off without eating it?

Original poster
Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:35

It's a great cake recipe, about 1/2 a pint, but he didn't know that. And it wasn't in a rude shape or anything inappropriate.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 10/06/2020 17:36

YABU....A business cake is completely inappropriate for children and you tried to interfere with time with his children

MrsKin90 · 10/06/2020 17:37

I don't think I'd end the relationship. Definitely deserves a chat about how it's made you feel! It seems completely unreasonable of him not to take it in. Did he just leave it on the wall?! What a weirdo.

DaanSaaf · 10/06/2020 17:37

I think he's a dick and was very hurtful. Was he definitely there? Seems strange to message hours later telling you to collect them.

TerrorWig · 10/06/2020 17:37

This is a man you’ve been with for three years and you can’t ask him why he wouldn’t even eat the cake? I mean, if you’d said to him that would most likely go to waste if you took it back because you can’t eat it all yourself, he might have explained he was worried about COVID, actually he’d just bought himself a cake - or whatever.

It certainly signals to me that you are both poor at communicating with each other; until you get better at that you won’t know whether this is because he just doesn’t care about you.

BlueJava · 10/06/2020 17:37

Are you 100% his children/family know about you? It seems he is hiding you if he doesn't say "Here's a great cake made by BeautifulBirdSong for us how fantastic!" However old/young his kids are they'd appreciate that surely. I would find that very strange and it would set off alarm bells for me.

higligioid · 10/06/2020 17:38

How old are his children? Unless they're older teenagers, Guinness cake sounds inappropriate to me. He is probably exasperated that you wouldn't realise that.

Original poster
Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:38

Leannb - Sorry I should have said his youngest child is 16, which you are right is still inappropriate and thanks for that perspective, I didn't see it as interfering, but it was.

OP posts:
TerrorWig · 10/06/2020 17:39

@Leaannb the Guinness is cooked into the cake so it’s not alcoholic. It just adds richness. Not like tiramisu.

Ponoka7 · 10/06/2020 17:39

Have you asked him?

Did the children bring a cake, or had he already sorted one out? Is there anyone he wouldn't want knowing that you are still involved, or is the children's Mother strict about guidance?

Either that or he just wanted to celebrate with his children and felt that you were muscling in.

octobersky19 · 10/06/2020 17:39

It's not worth ending a relationship over. He told you his plans and you went against them, even with good intentions.

Original poster
Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:40

I'm seeing him later and will ask, but I really do appreciate getting some other perspective before starting a conversation. I think being isolated and Covid has slightly warped my thinking.

OP posts:
Nacreous · 10/06/2020 17:41

Guinness cake has a) hardly any in it and b) they're baked. It's just a delicious rich chocolate cake.

It's 4.2%, so has 1 unit of alcohol in the entire cake, even if none disappates during cooking. 1/10th of the cake would mean it had 1ml of alcohol in it. Not really enough to get stressed about even children having.

Original poster
Beautifulbirdsong · 10/06/2020 17:42

@BlueJava I've met them all, they do all know about me.

@Ponoka7 I didn't check about the cake prior, I didn't think if you ended up with 2 it would be that bad?

OP posts:
WowLucky · 10/06/2020 17:42

Just from your OP, my reading of the situation was he'd prefer to do it when you're together.

I suppose you'd know if that was the case, or maybe not if you can't talk to him about a cake?

Elieza · 10/06/2020 17:43

What, he did sounds weird to me.

I’d be wondering if he had his ex or another woman in there and that’s why he didn’t get involved with you and the cake/pressie and was trying to pretend it didnt happen.

Guinness wouldn’t be ideal for kids but you’d think he could have sneaked it in and hidden it somewhere or something for later if it was inappropriate for kids.

I think there’s something going on that you don’t know about. I’d suggest you pull away. It could be he felt you were muscling in on his time with his kids but I’m not so sure there ain’t someone else.

Pemba · 10/06/2020 17:44

I would 1) take the cake and present back, 2) eat the cake myself, 3) forget about him

He's rude and ungrateful

Apple1029 · 10/06/2020 17:44

Actually I think it's a bit odd that you did that. Did you just assume that his kids or he wouldnt have sorted one. It was his birthday after all. And if his kids did get one, then your handmade one might have been seen as a bit PA especially as you couldnt be there. As in, look at my 'better than yours' cake but too bad I cant be there? I'm not saying that was your intention, just that they might have seen it in that way.

Merryoldgoat · 10/06/2020 17:44

The only acceptable response to a person making you a cake, buying you a present and leaving it for you is ‘thank you very much, that’s so kind’.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s been a rude twat.

There is nothing interfering about dropping a fucking cake.

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