To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

[Beautifulbirdsong]

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

sounds ot me 100% as if he didn't want someone in the house to know the cake was there.

The only other possible response I can think of is that someone lives in the house who is very stressy about the virus, and said he couldn't bring it into the house as it might be infected (I do know one person like this at the moment, they would leave the cake outside and refuse to let their partner bring it in.)

YANBU! You are his partner of 3 years and made him a cake. Even if he didn't want to eat it with his children then surely he could have put it inside for another day. Unless his children made him a cake I can't see them being bothered. Generally teenagers are happy with cake! And I don't think Guinness cake is an issue from an alcohol point of view, especially for 16+.

My dh response is what an ungrateful fucker, and had that been me
My response would have been go fuck yourself and wiping said cake from his windscreen

He knows me well

The only logical explanation I can think of for his behaviour was that you had previously discussed your involvement on the day and your lack of involvement was a bone of contention on your part and it was a passive aggressive cake. Under every other circumstance I think he's an arse.

Yes I think I probably would end it over something like that.

Disclaimer: I'm saying that because the absolute main acid test of whether you should is because your gut feeling response to this is to think - I should dump this man. YOU are the one who knows him, we don't. YOU know the dynamic. If you knew in your heart from 3 years of experience that hey, maybe he reacted oddly but you KNOW he's a good guy and messed up/is overreacting because COVID/ is stressed at the moment/whatever, then you wouldn't be thinkin 'dump'; this thread wouldn't exist.

But you, with your knowledge of him, are thinking 'Ok that's it, enough'.

That says a lot.

I would have HATED this.

Imagining him twitching his curtains and seeing it. Not even bringing it in. Asking you to walk back over and get it. Probably watching you out of the window as you did.

Ok fine, he has kids. You can't be together anyway at the mo.

But it's still fucking weird and not a little bit derogatory and humiliating. If your instinct is to think that too, when you know him so much better, then that instinct is correct, I'd say. It sounds like there's more than a hint of 'final straw' about this.

Is there some sort of misunderstanding? I don't think you shouldn't really think about it until you had a time to talk to him properly. We don't know him, so it's impossible to think of the reason why he did this. Thinking of ending relationship over this before you actually find out why he did what he did is a bit premature imo, unless you were thinking about leaving him anyway.

Obviously something going on with him OP. It's not normal bloody behaviour on his part is it. He's been impolite and as if he has asked you to go and get it- I wouldn't even have replied unless to point out i'm not hired help. If he didn't want it he could have just said thanks and put it in the bin.

You sure he hasn't got a girlfriend there that he didn't want to see it? Does he always think the world revolves around him, and does he always demand you do thinks at his beck and call? If so dump him for that regardless.

I'd rather be alone than with someone like that 🤷

Hope you enjoyed the cake 🎉😁

Sounds like he has another woman who would ask where the presents and cake came from.......

There should be a thread for most ridiculous answers

Yeah I’d be done with that shit.

Sounds like a control thing to me - he didn't expect/agree to you dropping it off, so he's made it clear that he's rejected it to prove a point.

I would, actually. What he did was rude and not normal behaviour towards your partner of three years bringing a cake and a present for your birthday.

Plus, I'm sorry to say this, but I think that if he wanted to be with you on his birthday, he could and would have made time for a walk or something. I would find this really hurtful, and I'd be thinking that he was backing away.

You may have crossed a boundary and encroached on family time.

With his adult or near adult age dc's, and after a three year relationship...

Eat the cake OP.

I wouldn’t bother seeing him later.
That’s downright rude! How much effort would it have taken for him to have stepped outside his front door, taken them indoors and texted to say thank you?

Also.....it was sitting outside for 5 hours? I’d probably bin it tbh

Yeah. I’d be finishing with him.

Can’t believe you’ve been with him 3 years and you are asking us to interpret his message?

I can't believe someone would be so snarky - people
asking for support and other people's perspectives on situations is the very essence of mn for goodness sake.

THREE YEARS?! How rude of him.

That would be the end of it for me. It wouldn't be about the goddamned cake, it would be the cake on my face response from him.

He's reacted really, really strangely, OP!

If his DC have made another cake then he could have thanked you and just put yours in the freezer for another time or even binned it, I suppose. Honestly either would have been a better solution than being so unkind to you. And I can't think of a single excuse for leaving the present outside - it's just odd.

Like hell would I have gone round to pick them up, either. They could have stayed there on that wall until the end of time.

But since you've collected them, I agree with all the previous posters who've said keep the present, eat the cake, bin the no-longer-D P.

That is really rude of him, op. I would love a cake!

Let us know how it goes OP. I can’t even make up a reason that would make his message normal.

@Laundrywoman I wasn’t being snarky. I just meant 3 years in you can usually pick up on the nuances of peoples messages. And I go on to say don’t throw it away if it’s normally a good relationship.Hardly unsupportive.