To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

[Beautifulbirdsong]

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

Also some bizarre answers here. You left a cake and a present - you didn’t knock on the door, shove his kids out the way, sweep their cake off the table and proudly place yours there.
Getting a present from one person doesn’t discount anyone else’s!

Leaving it on a wall outside his house isn't really muscling in on his time with the kids is it . If OP would have knocked and demanded to be let in or made him feel guilty for not seeing her then yes, but it seems odd. The children aren't young, surely even if they had got a cake he could have just said is it okay to take it back and we will enjoy it next time I see you, or said to you and his children oh blimey a lot of cake to get through or something, let's eat the one from the children first and then pop the one from you away for later.

Sounds like an absolutely twattish move on his part.

Whatever his reason, there was an alternative to what he did -

Scared of covid? Say that, pick it up with gloves on and bin in (although, you’re seeing him later, so he’s not that scared....)

Worried almost adult kids would be disappointed because they had organised a cake? Put it in a cupboard/other room and bring it out when you’re together

The list could go on. He sounds like a moron.

Did he leave the cake on the wall for five hours ?

He could have wanted to celebrate with you later but his wording is horrible.

A lovely gesture OP.
So thoughtful.

Is he usually a thoughtless twat?
Did he leave it sitting out there for 5 hours?

I'd eat it while having a good think about everything🙄

The only response should have been a simple thank you.

It's cake for goodness sake.

Strange responses off people. OP has been with her partner for 3 years not minus she made him a lovely cake put thought into it and he was beyond rude. The youngest child was 16.

If there are no other issues I wouldn’t break up over this. Just sounds like he was focused on his children. I understand why it smacks though.

You're seeing him later today? Why did you not just take the cake and prezzie over later?

I wouldn't neccessarily end it over just this (unless there is more going on or other things and this is just the final straw), but it would have upset me too. Like he doesn't want anything to do with me around his children, which when you have been together for 3 years is his choice obviously, but still.

People getting their knickers in a twist about Guiness cake I've got a bolognese bubbling away at the moment. I've sloshed a good amount of red wine in it and will be happily feeding it to the children shortly.

OP - I'm sorry he doesn't seem to see the effort you have put in to making the cake. I would be upset too.

I remember I baked a football cake for my boyfriend for his birthday and decorated it. His mother had hidden it and in found the full lot mouldy in a cupboard. He had zero respect for me or the time it took to make.

Did he leave the cake on the wall for five hours

I wondered this too.
He’s being ungrateful and rude. Especially to ask you to go back and pick them up. That was an added f you.

Have you met his kids? If you’ve been with him 3yrs I don’t know why you didn’t knock on the door and are back 2m to say a quick hello to everyone. They’re old enough to understand Dad has a girlfriend.

He was fucking rude and I'd be fuming to be honest.

How dare he ask you to come and collect it??

Unless there's a bloody good excuse I'd be questioning the sort of man he is and whether he is someone I actually want to be with.

@InspectorCludo
Yes it was exactly where I had left it. I went back to get it, because if he wasn't going to take it in, it would get ruined just left (it had cream in it, or the neighbours cat might have taken a fancy to it).

What a dick! You mean he didn’t even bring them into the house?! Wtf?

I would be furious. He’s telling you to back the fuck off, and putting you in your place.

My children are little and have eaten Guinness cake a few times it's absolutely fine.

Even if he did not want the cake and present at that time as he had other plans, any normal person would just take it in and leave it to one side. Its very strange leaving it outside all day then asking you to collect it. Is he normally a bit oblivious to social norms? If not it sounds fishy to me...im wondering if he had someone else in there. However thats me jumping to conclusions, you know him op. Speak to him.

What an ungrateful shite

Id Fucking Love someone to bring me cake

Sounds ungrateful to me.
How much alcohol can there be in a cooked cake? Unless OP poured the half of Guinness over it when it was cooked.

@Beautifulbirdsong that makes him a massive dick in my book.

It wouldn't be the cake going in the bin!!

He's, at best, a rude twat. His teen/adult children know you. I'm putting money on his ex or another woman being involved.

Why are you seeing him in lockdown anyway?

(& I'm locked down separately to my DP too - we haven't seen each other, despite living walking distance & really wanting to! We have passed on SD walks because SD just wouldn't happen!!)

Everyone that’s telling OP YABU, ... really?

Like she did nothing wrong.

He replied in such a rude way, look at your relationship OP. There must be other red flags.

Also why is he staying with them? He’s in a relationship with you and his kids arnt babies

On the face of it this is very odd behaviour from him, and quite unkind. Even if he didn't want the cake he could have just said thanks and disposed of it discreetly. Is there more to this? Some history? My mum has absolutely no respect for people's boundaries and I have to be forceful to the point of rudeness just to get her to respect my privacy. Does your DP perhaps feel exasperated that this is the umpteenth time he's wanted to spend time alone with his kids and felt like you're attempting to muscle in? If it's something like that, he wouldn't be unreasonable to put his foot down and insist on boundaries.

@BestOption - I mean seeing him socially distanced for a walk or in the garden.

I read threads like this and wonder if everyone is mental or if it’s me?! How in the world is it ‘odd’ for someone to bake their partner of 3 years a cake and leave it outside for them on their birthday?!

I think he’s incredibly strange to send that message.