To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

[Beautifulbirdsong]

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

Only on MN could someone giving their partner a birthday cake be seen as "interfering".

Asking you to come take it away is a dick move and a bit weird tbh.

@Leaannb

It was a Guinness cake not a "business cake"! The alcohol would have cooked off!

Can’t believe you’ve been with him 3 years and you are asking us to interpret his message?You know him, the quality of your relationship etc..surely you can judge what he meant by it? It’s certainly not worth ending a relationship over if it’s otherwise good.

People saying it’s not appropriate because it’s got Guinness in it are being ridiculous... Guineas (and other dark beers) are a common ingredient in cake: it makes for a lovely flavour and what little alcohol there is cooks out...

I think his behaviour is very odd and suggests at best that he’s quite bad at communicating, at worst that he’s selfish and rude.

I wouldn’t necessarily end things if all is otherwise good but I would definitely tell him it was rude and thoughtless...

My mind is boggled at the horror of a child eating a piece of Guinness cake. It's just a dark rich cake, it doesn't taste of Guinness, it's not like they're drinking a pint.

Definitely strange of him not to at least bring them in the house! Was he worried about covid?

I kind of get the interfering part. This was his time with his kids - they may have made or bought him a cake.
If you’re thinking of end it over this then there must be something else wrong with the relationship. Otherwise you’re being a bit precious in my opinion

Haha and don't worry about Guiness cake- it's fine for children.

I think ending your relationship over that is a bit much.

I would however be asking why he didn't just take the cake/present in and wait for you to enjoy them.
To tell you to come and pick them up is really odd - what's he trying to hide?

You need to get to the bottom of that.

@B0bbin - I did wonder that? Is that a logical explanation?

I do appreciate all your responses, I don't want to over react on something, (I'am a bit more emotional with Covid) that seems reasonable to other people

@ActuallyItsEugene

I think your right, its the picking them back up bit that bothers me most, I know he saw them - the blinds upstairs that overlocked that bit were down in the morning and up when I went back.

I wouldn't have known if he'd just said thank you and binned it.

Is he normally as ungrateful as this? So rude.

I’d Be questioning the relationship,

If you’re willing to break up over this, then you will never be able to stay happy in a long term relationship imo

Miscommunication all round I’d say. Just tell him how it made you feel, he’ll tell you why he said it. Move on. All very minor.

It is a very odd response. Did you go and collect them?

Some of you are nuts .. it’s a Guinness cake not Jell-O shots

HotDogGuy if it was sufficiently disturbing or upsetting to his kids to have a rival cake couldn’t he just have taken the cake inside and put it in a safe place?

Why was it necessary to be a pompous dick about it?

Does seem a bit like you were muscling in on his time with his kids.
But also seems a bit odd that he asked you to come and take it back.

I don't get why anyone would be less than delighted with a cake and present, and I don't get why it would be perceived as 'interfering' given your children know about you and they are all adults!

Totally bizarre answers on this thread. I would ask him why but I wouldn't be prepared to be messed about like this, and asking you to pick up a cake five hours later when he'd clearly seen it is beyond rude.

I live in a different universe to lots of mumsnetters, obviously!

Weird behaviour but see what he says when he sees you.

Is the cake still up for grabs OP?

The only acceptable response to a person making you a cake, buying you a present and leaving it for you is ‘thank you very much, that’s so kind’. I agree with this.

I wouldn’t end a relationship over what you’ve described but I would tell him you’re confused what happened and see what he says. May be one big old misunderstanding.

And, if his relationship with his children (adults) is so fragile, it is going to be adversely affected by him having a cake from his girlfriend, I'd get out anyway. They are weird.

I think there's something else going on. It's not just about the cake, anyone normal would have been pleased and shared it with their family.

Why couldn't be have kept the cake to share later? Why did you have to go all the way back and pick it up? It's like he didn't want anyone to know about the cake you made which is really bizarre. Do his family know about you? Have your met them?

If you ever feel like dropping cake on my doorstep I promise I wont turn it away.

He could have been far nicer about it even if he did feel like you were interfering in their time.