To end relationship with DP because he rejected my birthday cake

[Beautifulbirdsong]

Been with DP for 3 years, currently separated due to Covid social distancing. It was his birthday last week, spent the day with his children, I accepted it was difficult due to Covid for me to be involved and he said he wouldn't be able to see me separately (it was a work day too). I thought it would be a nice gesture to handmade a large Guinness cake and drop it round along with my present first thing in the morning, so even though I couldn't physically be there I would still be involved in the day (also regardless of what the children did, you can never have enough cake?!?) . I live on the neighbouring street and messaged that I left it on the wall outside (so it would be a nice surprise). Anyway I got a reply 5 hours later asking me to take the cake and present away and bring it back next time it was just the two of us.

This has really upset me and I think shows quite a lot of how little I really matter to him and I want to know if I am being unreasonable to end a good (pre-covid) relationship because of this.

If you didn’t say what it was, and he left it where you put it, did he even know it was a cake?

Perhaps thought it was a gift that he’d rather open when you were there?

Still totally stupid to make you collect it, and not just keep it till he saw you though!

He's a bloody ungrateful twat - even if his children bought him one, there is no such thing as too much cake. It could have gone in the freezer for later.

Just eat the cake, then tell him in a non-emotional way, next time you see him that the cake wouldn't keep so you ate it. I'd cool off from him for a while; he doesn't seem to hold you close to his heart. He probably had another woman inside who he didn't want to see the cake.

Give the relationship a bit of distance and be cautious.

I'd be really hurt by this. There are lots of ways he could have dealt with it if he didn't want to open/eat it there and then. But leaving it outside and asking you to pick it up hours later is just so dismissive and unpleasant.

There's something very odd about his response - why didn't he simply take the cake indoors and store it somewhere, if he didn't want his kids to know about it for whatever reason. Could he have been entertaining someone else as well as the children? A cake as a gift is very personal (and very lovely and thoughtful) and perhaps he didn't want to acknowledge your existence to this other person?

I've never met a man that would turn down cake!

Sounds like he has another woman who would ask where the presents and cake came from.......

I think it was rude an ungrateful. The correct response to a present - especially one which is handmade and has taken the giver a lot of time and trouble to create - is 'thank you'. Even if it's not to your taste.

Your 'D'P seems to be treating you like a delivery service. I'd keep quiet. If he asks about the cake, tell him you gave it to someone else to eat. Don't volunteer to make another one.

Presumably the cake was in a box, in which case he probably thought you'd left 2 presents outside and he didn't want to open them in front of the kids.

Poor you OP. Very ungrateful of him. I’d have thought he should want to see you on his birthday too. Sorry your kindness went to waste.

yup making a cake and hand delivering it is not something you do for strangers really...so he did not want to explain to someone who you were

That's very weird and all I can assume is that he wasn't really home. If that's the case then why did he lie to you about it?

Maybe his children got him a cake and he didn't want yours to over shadow it?

I can understand it if that was the case. Perhaps yours was better and he didn't want to embarrass the children?

I would dump him eat the cake return the gift

@Leaannb

YABU....A business cake is completely inappropriate for children and you tried to interfere with time with his children

God almighty. Only on mumsnet ...

Ungrateful get. 5 hours later?! I wouldn't have gone and collected it. What was his present? I'd return it and buy yourself something nice with the money. I'd be very hurt too. Especially after 3 years and meeting his kids etc. Very odd. Even if you stay with him I hope you never make him
Another cake.

@Sonichu
Well said ! My daughter recently had trouble at work, and when I suggested she should detail it on MN site, she said she wouldn't consider MN as it's too judgeMENTAL, I know what she means now.

Having said that, think Beautifulbirdsong is well within order to never speak to her OH again !

YABU and overreacting. I think you were trying to muscle in on time with his kids, and generally there is only one cake so it would have felt as though you felt yours should have been the one regardless of what the kids did.

IMO that was a shitty thing to say and do. He sounds ungrateful and extremely thoughtless. I would feel inclined to ignore him for a few days and not reply to any messages.

Is he always this thoughtless and lacking in social awareness?

the only response is to say - Thank You.

leaving it outside on the wall for 5 hours - weird.
taking 5 hours to text about it - weird
telling you to take it back - weird
leaving his present outside for 5 hours - extremely weird

I’m sorry but even if he didn’t want the cake/it wasn’t a good time to have cake (as if there’s such a thing???!), why the heck couldn’t he take it into his house for later?

As for “interrupting his time with his children”, er hello it’s lockdown?! That was such a lovely thing you did and he was so rude and ungrateful. As far as asking you to pick it up, well I would have said something very rude back to him.

I’m sure it would be wise to approach the subject generously but don’t undersell how much this has hurt your feelings. It was a dick move on his part.

Ffs it's a guinness CAKE, hardly likely to get a gnat pissed.

YANBU OP. I think it was a lovely thing to do, would have done the same (with a more humble cake because I'm not going to be a Bake Off candidate anytime soon ). Can't see why anyone thinks YABU! I think he has some deeper issues here and I think you are within your rights to tell him that he has hurt your feelings.

Not acceptable OP. Nice people don't do things like that. There is no excuse.

PS can I have the guinness cake if it's free to a good home?? I love a good Guinness cake...

The only acceptable response to a person making you a cake, buying you a present and leaving it for you is ‘thank you very much, that’s so kind’.

This x 1000

I've been with my partner for 3 years. I share my birthday with him and my children, because these are the people I love. Bloody weird that you're being accused of interfering.