I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

@Gwenhwyfar

"I doubt the family set off to the supermarket and thought right today I am going to invade someone’s space at the supermarket. It’s really pathetic."

Well, if we had a video we'd know. I can assure you that LOADS of people where I live don't care about social distancing at all and DO come too close to other people on purpose.
OP didn't say it was an accidental bump into someone. If so, OP should say that.
I've had many people come too close to me and it definitely is on purpose, presumably not that they're trying to give me Covid, just that they absolutely make no effort to keep a distance.
You ought to come to my area for a day if you live somewhere where people would only break social distancing by accident.

"I have explained previously already that Tutting is really rude."

In your opinion. I wouldn't like to be tutted, but I don't find it 'really rude' like shouting and swearing. You'd have to have lived a sheltered life to think tutting is that bad.

The fact that I may have lived a sheltered life is also your opinion

It’s bad manners it’s not that I feel the need to post on MN like OP..... facts is these are all similar small issues. You are assuming because that’s your experience where you live.... it’s not everybody’s. If your that precious I think some of you would be better off ordering online as it seems that the supermarket is a big distressing or deal leading to MN

It is idiots like this that undermine actual racism. Tutting is like sighing sometimes you don't realise you are doing it even if you did social distancing is important. They were acting like bullies, move on and ignore. In supermarkets going further I would still do your best to socially distance.

Should have kept their children at a safe distance if they didn't like you tutting. Luckily I haven't been to a supermarket for weeks and I'm glad. Seems that a lot of people have given up on social distancing.

I would try and ignore/get over it.

Yes, they absolutely should have moved. But everyone is stressed and on tight nerves right now, and perhaps/likely they didn't even see you wanting to get past.
But on the flip side, you shouldn't have tutted/sighed. It's the ultimate in passive-aggressive, and I'm not surprised someone with a bit of balls called you on it, even though the name calling was absolutely NOT okay.

It’s bad manners it’s not that I feel the need to post on MN like OP..... facts is these are all similar small issues.

It’s not a small issue throwing accusations of racism around in public.

How can people be saying that OP deserved to be screamed at just because she tutted? The other people had no right getting in OPs face the way they did, and why didn't the supermarket pick up on the fact that there were 2 adults and 6 children in a group together? That goes against all rules.

@Rowantree2020

*It’s bad manners it’s not that I feel the need to post on MN like OP..... facts is these are all similar small issues.*

It’s not a small issue throwing accusations of racism around in public.

We have established this already and if OP felt this way there is CCTV in supermarkets and security guards. If OP was a victim why didn’t she take action? Why did people just stand by while screaming was going on? Also children were involved why weren’t the police called? This kind of thing isn’t usually tolerated when I’ve been out shopping it’s sounds like “Corrie”

I wish I had the confidence to tut at 8 people

@africansassenach

I wish I had the confidence to tut at 8 people

Me too.

"White women who tut - the most anti-social people to ever walk this earth".

Mumsnet is so bizarre.

Look. Everyone is stressed right now. So for the sake of not increasing my own stress, I'm at pains to a) not cause anyone else more stress and b) not do anything that might result in something that increases mine.

Yes, I did let out an almost involuntary sigh in the garden centre yesterday, when a couple spending a while choosing a card, blocked the only route I could take. But as soon as I did it, I realised I needed to 'undo' it. They were blissfully unaware I was there until that point. So I immediately said a cheery "sorry! could I come by?" and made sure my tone of voice and smile undid the damage of the sigh. They were lovely, apologised, I said 'no problem - you didn't know I was here' we smiled at each other - done.

I got accused of being racist because I said Jennifer Hudson was annoying

That's how slander works isn't it? They wouldn't have to prove it to damage her reputation.

Yea that's a reach. If strangers here can tell just by tutting, OP wasn't being racist (We can only guess btw), those whom she knows can atleast ask for what happened before concluding she is one. Perhaps your slander theory could work if you didn't mention the people she knows. Strangers witnessing the incident could assume she was racist, some wouldn't.

When you're the victim of an aggressive incident you may be too scared or embarrassed to do anything about it afterwards. Sometimes you just want to hide and not have people look at you. And other people have many reasons (not always good) to not intervene.

I cannot believe the number of people on here implying the OP somehow deserved to be shouted at, and publicly humiliated by being accused of racial hatred because she ‘tutted’ at someone.

As for everyone being on edge, empathy works both ways and the behaviour of these parents that encouraged their children to be abusive is frankly disgusting.

Given how serious real racism is that kind of accusation is far more offensive than tutting.

It was rude and I can understand why you're upset but let it go. It's just a taste of the abuse and outrageous public behaviour that black people are subject to on a regular basis. If you can turn it round and reflect on n it, imagine being subject to attacks and abuse like that on a daily basis in all areas of your life.

Or maybe she lives in a different area to yours. My polite asking is met with aggression too, but I have vastly different experiences walking in different areas.

So she lives in an area where the majority of people will respond to a polite and friendly person with aggression? I'm sorry, but what an absurd suggestion.

The tutty lady in the supermarket commanding people irritably (whilst also happening to saying the word please) sounds much more likely to me.

I got accused of being racist because I said Jennifer Hudson was annoying

How ridiculous!

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

When you're the victim of an aggressive incident you may be too scared or embarrassed to do anything about it afterwards. Sometimes you just want to hide and not have people look at you. And other people have many reasons (not always good) to not intervene.

People screaming in a supermarket and no staff members got involved and no security. Oh please this is not tolerated by any means in shops. Somebody would of intervened a group of people intimidating OP like this and the staff didn’t do a thing.....

Don't worry about it, they were just ignorant and rude. Doesn't your supermarket have a one way system? Maybe go to a more expensive, larger supermarket which is a bit better organised for the situation.

@Disregard, thanks for you post, it's a much more respectful one than many.

I totally respect that from your perspective, when you've noted that you are being treated differently than others after many occasion, you can conclude that it has been done as a result of racism.

Similarly, I tend to be quite vocal about things but I am so on the action of the person and in no way do I react based on anything else but the action.

So to then be accused of being racist, on assumptions that I only react to them and wouldn't do so if the person was a different race is also very upsetting.

It all comes down to individual events that are then built into assumptions attached to awhile group of people, and that depending on which group it is.

Nobody thinks the retaliation towards the op, if indeed it was as she said, was right. I can't even begin to imagine people shouting at me in a shop, I might even faint if it happened (and I've never fainted in my life). They were bottom feeders - if indeed her report of the incident was accurate. It was a totally out of proportion reaction.

However, the fact is tutting is quite horrible, small minded, conveying disapproval without being straightforward.

If someone tutted at me I wouldn't shout but respond (if I could be bothered), "Is there a problem?". People need to know that tutting is just not acceptable and really gets people's backs up. If they have something to say, say it or else keep quiet and move on.