I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

Racism wrong.
Verbal abuse wrong.
Both wrong.

Stop with the 'buts'.

I think also that focusing on the medium by which a message is conveyed can be a convenient way of deflecting the message itself. An inappropriately delivered message may still contain truth. I also think that there is a lot of tone-policing that goes on whereby non-white people are not allowed to express disagreement or any form of challenge without being labelled as aggressive, particularly in the case of black people. There is the recurring trope of the 'angry black woman' and this is yet another opportunity to examine biases you may hold without knowing - how we perceive aggression can be affected by the race of the person in question. These are all much wider and more complex discussions to be had, not specific to the scenario described by the OP.

I would hope that anyone who is accused of being a racist, rather than becoming defensive, would take the opportunity to examine and check themselves
Indeed. So what if they ask themselves if they'd have tutted just the same if it had been a white family. Then what? It's still ok to be accused of being racist?

Maybe the family could have asked OP if she'd tutted if they were a white family? Why is all the responsibity if assumptions with OP?

@dontdisturbmenow

I would hope that anyone who is accused of being a racist, rather than becoming defensive, would take the opportunity to examine and check themselves Indeed. So what if they ask themselves if they'd have tutted just the same if it had been a white family. Then what? It's still ok to be accused of being racist?

Maybe the family could have asked OP if she'd tutted if they were a white family? Why is all the responsibity if assumptions with OP?

I believe it is the responsibility of those with white privilege to do the work in checking and examining themselves, not rely on others to educate or check their assumptions. This has been a clear message from BLM - that those with white privilege should assume the onus of educating themselves and working on any prejudices they identify within themselves. I know this is not easy to do, and it is scary and confronting to think you may hold racist tendencies, however mild they may be. This is why many shut down any suggestion they may be racist with defensiveness, rather than confront the accusations and do a thorough and sincere internal check of whether there is any truth to it.

If you take your children out surely it's upto you to them keep them close so they social distance as much as possible
I've been out few times and people letting their kids run round the shop like normal , it's about time people took responsibility take your children to a green space to run around not a supermarket and then complain when people feel uneasy

@strugglingwithdeciding you need to check your privilege- go educate yourself.

@CarlottaValdez the op never said they were black though

The OP never said what ethnicity any of those involved were! (Including herself) But people draw conclusions.

@CarlottaValdez I was being sarcastic - if you see my posts above you’ll see I’ve been arguing the same as you!

@Rowantree2020 I really don't understand what you mean at all , I simply said parents need to keep there children closer in these times in things like supermarkets etc as I have seen a lot being allowed to run around , what has that got to do with my priviledge ?? Absolutely nothing as you don't know if I am black , white , Asian and it was a comment about anyone who takes children into supermarkets and lets them run around at this time

Sorry I meant to tag @strugglingwithdeciding not @CarlottaValdez !

This is the thing that really gets to me. If you every say anything and the person happens to be of a different ethnicity it's always racism. If you have a disagreement with a shop keeper they say your racist it doesn't matter that for example they are breaking the law charging more than the price marked on the item your racist. Doesn't matter that you could have a partner at home of a different ethnicity it's always the white person being racist when in fact it's NOT. It's more the person of colour assumes everyone is racist that actually is racism. I have seen so much on the news regarding the statues being pulled down and saying how we are being racist and about how they are slaves. That was decades ago and completely unacceptable but why punish people now who were not even born then and tarnish them with the same brush.

A few weeks ago it was totally acceptable on her to have panic attacks or burst into tears if someone came near you in public

Now it’s verbal abuse to tut if someone brings their entire family for a trip round a supermarket and don’t socially distanced from you

don't think you can get too uptight about social distancing in a supermarket

Sick of this, attitude myself. You move to one side or wait 2 mins for someone move on. You have some awareness of other people around you. Would you just pull out regardless if you were in a car? Drive in the middle of the traffic? Why can't the same patience be applied to supermarket shopping?

The problem wasn't the OP, it was the fact these people falsely accused and publicly accused her of racism to humiliate and abuse her! God forbid anyone mention that at the moment though! They were disgraceful people.

I think lesson here is don't tut maybe just speak out and politely ask but people don't feel comfortable doing this as sometimes you don't know reaction
But maybe we all just need to be a little more careful when out and try and social distance as some are very worried , personally a kid running past me wouldnt concern me as I wouldn't consider it a big risk ? But for others they probably do , especially if in a high risk category which we can't tell from looking
Keep your children close in busy places , and lets all just try to be nice to each other when out and about as we are all having to learn to live with this virus and a lot of normal behaviours take a while to unlearn such as social distancing , it is easy to forget sometimes

Also we had struggling single mums on here ‘asking permission’ to take their kid to the supermarket and people saying no way you must find a way around it, you’re being unreasonable etc

I believe it is the responsibility of those with white privilege to do the work in checking and examining themselves, not rely on others to educate or check their assumptions
Talk about relinquishing any responsibilities, pathetic. It's ok for someone to be agressive but it's ok because it's your responsibility for the aggressed not only to accept it but excuse it because they are clearly not educated enough.

So if aim aggressed by someone my race and with the same social privilege, it's ok to complain that I've been aggressed but if it's a black person doing the aggression in the exact same manner, I just have to be understanding and go and educate myself as to why they are aggressive.

All this just because I happen to be born white?

I know this is not easy to do, and it is scary and confronting to think you may hold racist tendencies, however mild they may be
I know it's not easy to try not to act patronising and condescending, and it must hard to accept that you are just that, but maybe you can try harder?

Defending systematic racism is one thing, making assumptions on people you don't know and treating them like ignorant racists is another and frankly defeats all the good of the former.

I simply said parents need to keep there children closer in these times in things like supermarkets etc as I have seen a lot being allowed to run around , what has that got to do with my priviledge

Because nobody can say anything anymore without having to 'check their privilege'. This kind of absolute bullshit is completely undermining to serious issues and causes and will result people switching off from the debate. It makes a mockery of the real instances of racism and other forms of descrimination that people face.

Typical, big family using the race card to abuse others.

It's normal. Happens every day. It's the mob mentality.

I was called racist yesterday, for disagreeing with a person of colour. And because they had no decent reply in the debate they resorted to calling me racist.

@ChilliCheese123 yes that was ridiculous what were they supposed to do leave them outside

@dontdisturbmenow I wasn't referring to you personally in the conversation about racism, it was a collective you. I have said upthread that I don't condone aggression, however the point I was trying to convey is that sometimes when people become defensive they miss opportunities to examine and check themselves. And yes, to answer your question, it is the responsibility of those with white privilege to be actively anti-racist, and this involves not just examining the behaviour of others but also themselves.

don'tdisturbmenow: ....what if they ask themselves if they'd have tutted just the same if it had been a white family.
...
If someone is a 'tutter', they'll 'tut' at anyone or anything.

(Trust me, my mother was one, a typical upper-working-class snob with an attitude of superiority and a large chip on her shoulder. Didn't go out to work and mix with people, very small minded. She did improve as she aged.)

The problem with telling people to educate themselves is that realistically most people won’t. Sure some people will take the time to consider matters and reflect on their own values and attitudes, but I suspect the vast majority won’t. So if The BLM movement wants change it will have to drive the education - simply telling people it’s not our job to educate you won’t result in the change we want to see.