I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

[CandyLeBonBon]

[ImStillBreathingButBarely2]

[quote broccoliduns]@Excitedannie tensions are high at the moment. I would try and let it go. Honestly, it must be really hard to be called a racist when you aren't, but it's done now and you'll (hopefully) never seen this person again. They were probably pissed off that you tutted rather than politely asking them to move, and may have genuinely thought you were being racist. This could be due to their own experiences. I'm not saying it was right, at all, but I would try and move on. Sorry this happened.[/quote]
Yes, they might have assumed OP was being racist due to actual racism in the past.

Don't worry about it OP. I understand it is upsetting- I would feel the same- but there is nothing you can do about it now. And you know that you weren't being racist, that is what matters. Don't let this grind you down.

[DJTanner]

Their behaviour was out of order and over the top but tutting is the ultimate annoying, passive aggressive form of behaviour.

[Happymum12345]

What an awful experience for you, op. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[eaglejulesk]

Oh yes, tutting is so much worse than screaming at a complete stranger and hurling insults!!!

According to some on MN as long as you are not white you can do anything you want and there is an excuse for it.

Try not to take it to heart OP, unfortunately there will always be graceless idiots in the world and they are not worth another minute of your time.

[SideEyeing]

Is it possible they thought you kissed your teeth at them rather than tutted?

Forgive me if a) that's a stupid suggestion or b) someone's already mentioned it.

[sessell]

I can't believe some of these comments. Tut away OP. It's not offensive, more like a bicycle bell. If someone tutted at me I would be immediately alerted and think I'd done something wrong.... Especially in a pandemic when we need to distance. Especially if someone has grey hair and is therefore much more vulnerable. To be called racist is massively offensive and potentially harmful. You are hurt because you are not a racist and clearly had no such intent. I would be devastated too. You should not feel ashamed, you did nothing wrong. Hold your head high and next time ask people to keep their distance loudly and proudly.

[ImStillBreathingButBarely2]

@SideEyeing

Is it possible they thought you kissed your teeth at them rather than tutted?

Forgive me if a) that's a stupid suggestion or b) someone's already mentioned it.

isn't teeth kissing rude rather than racist though?

[Sweetlikecoca]

To be honest OP I’m not sure I’d appreciate it if you were tutting at me. People may not realise straight away and it’s really rude so your problem was the SD but the person in the supermarket probably didn’t think it was just about they were too close to you.
My friend had a similar situation and she was quite upset over it.

Let’s not be silly your in public and you can’t always SD round a supermarket I’m not sure they SHOULD of moved if you feel so strongly you can order online. The racists comments were uncalled for too.

[SideEyeing]

@Imstillbreathingbutbarely2 I think (possibly incorrectly) it's considered really rude but it's more common and recognised as such in some cultures, that's why I thought maybe if they thought OP had appropriated that it could have a racial element?

Again I might be reaching there, I'm just baffled as to how the OP could have possibly been seen as racist!

[SideEyeing]

@sessell I'm with you, tutting vs screaming in someone's face seem on two totally different planes to me! I don't think I ever "tut" at anyone but I've clearly massively under reacted when I've been tutted at before (trying to find my debit card in a giant backpack at the front of a long supermarket queue comes to mind!)

[Sweetlikecoca]

@sessell

I can't believe some of these comments. Tut away OP. It's not offensive, more like a bicycle bell. If someone tutted at me I would be immediately alerted and think I'd done something wrong.... Especially in a pandemic when we need to distance. Especially if someone has grey hair and is therefore much more vulnerable. To be called racist is massively offensive and potentially harmful. You are hurt because you are not a racist and clearly had no such intent. I would be devastated too. You should not feel ashamed, you did nothing wrong. Hold your head high and next time ask people to keep their distance loudly and proudly.

This is not good advice at all.
It’s very ignorant how can anyone learn if that’s your form of communication. I some how don’t think OP will be in a hurry to tut around the supermarket in a hurry

[missyoumuch]

@sessell

I can't believe some of these comments. Tut away OP. It's not offensive, more like a bicycle bell. If someone tutted at me I would be immediately alerted and think I'd done something wrong.... Especially in a pandemic when we need to distance. Especially if someone has grey hair and is therefore much more vulnerable. To be called racist is massively offensive and potentially harmful. You are hurt because you are not a racist and clearly had no such intent. I would be devastated too. You should not feel ashamed, you did nothing wrong. Hold your head high and next time ask people to keep their distance loudly and proudly.

Not defending them shouting at her but she started it I’m sorry to say.

If you want someone to move, ask them to move. Don’t tut or sigh. I’ve had people do that to me and it’s extremely rude.

Drives me crazy when people display passive aggressive behaviour then pull a “What? Me?” response when called on it.

[Thewordgame]

Simple advice: Don’t tut. It is extremely rude

[NeutrinoWrangler]

That's disgusting behaviour. So what if you tutted?! It may be rude to tut, but clearly they were much, much ruder. They may not have liked it, but tutting doesn't automatically equal "racism", especially in the days of Covid-19 and social distancing. They were being ridiculous to play the race card over such a small (non-race-related) thing.

Those children are learning from example to literally scream "racism" over things that aren't racism. The term "racist" is so misused these days as to be losing its meaning altogether.

[AllesAusLiebe]

Oh my god is it now inconceivable that someone may object to having their personal space impinged upon in the middle of a pandemic without being a racist as well? YANBU, op and some people are assholes.

[Sweetlikecoca]

@steff13

What do you mean none of them moved to the side - did they stand next to you, or just walk past?

Exactly!!

[MrMeSeeks]

Yanbu this was rude and ignorant.
If the Kids can’t remember to sd ( fair enough if they young It's hard for them) then it’s the parents job to teach/ remind them!
You do not sound like a racist at all and it’s not ok to use that when clearly there has been none ( simply a disagreement between people does not equal racism).
Their behaviour says more about them than you.
Try to forget it.

[MrMeSeeks]

• They’re Young.
  *no racist language/behaviour/discrimination used
  It is way to late/early for this!

[Ozgirl75]

It used to be absolutely terrible to be called a racist, I would have been horrified. Now basically if you disagree with anything a POC says (especially on Twitter), it’s the first insult. Shame as it used to be a genuinely shaming thing to be called.

[ArriettyJones]

@Thewordgame

Simple advice: Don’t tut. It is extremely rude

That’s what you take from this thread?

[missyoumuch]

@Ozgirl75

It used to be absolutely terrible to be called a racist, I would have been horrified. Now basically if you disagree with anything a POC says (especially on Twitter), it’s the first insult. Shame as it used to be a genuinely shaming thing to be called.

You’re right. At our last POC global meeting we agreed we will call anyone who disagrees with us racist.

[MsTSwift]

Well don’t tutt and sigh at strangers then 🙄

No sympathy. I have been out with dd aged 11 for walks we are careful and abide by social distancing etc and still a certain sort of person tuts and sighs at what I don’t know - the audacity of our existing ?

I am not saying which group of people do this for fear of being bashed for being ageist and sexist but you can draw your own conclusions 🙄

[Bluemoooon]

Ridiculous behaviour on their part.
In my Tesco people come too close and then apologise when you step back from them, people give you daggers if you inadvertently step back against a forward arrow, some have face masks, gloves and look furious if anyone comes near them, others are all over the place.

No need for that rude behaviour.