I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

[Nottherealslimshady]

You weren't racist from what you've said and they were wrong to get so angry.

But people who tut and sigh and huff when they see someone do something they dont like are very very infuriating. If you dont like confrontation its a habit you need to get out of. It's very passive aggressive and really you're expecting others to be too afraid of you to stand up for themselves. It's so demeaning.
They walked past you, in our supermarket aisles you cant walk past someone while keeping 2m away because the aisles are barely 2m wide. There was no need to tut at them.

[Rowantree2020]

And still the focus is on the tutting and not on the six kids bundling around a supermarket during a pandemic followed by people shouting accusations of racism 🤷‍♀️

[Disregard]

The reactions of many on this thread greatly saddens me. Racism is a far greater societal ill with much wider and more serious ramifications than accusations of racism - look at George Floyd. Racism kills, racism is pervasive and manifests itself in so many different guises. Racism is not a 'card' people play - it hurts people and just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there, whether it is through wilful blindness or maybe because you just haven't been a victim of it. Please listen to those who have been victims of racism with an open mind rather than automatically dismiss their experiences because it doesn't align with your perceptions of the world.

[dontdisturbmenow]

@Disregard, considering you quoted me personally, it's hard not to consider it was aimed at me, but fine.

And yes, to answer your question, it is the responsibility of those with white privilege to be actively anti-racist, and this involves not just examining the behaviour of others but also themselves
Except that we still haven't established that OP tutted because the family was a different race to her, rather than because of the behaviour of the children. We don't even know she is white herself. So what does education got to do with it in this instance? Why jump on the wagon and make assumptions that lead to jugements without cause?

[Rowantree2020]

@disregard I think if you understand the experience of suffering racism then you get why an accusation of being a racist is such a serious matter.

[dontdisturbmenow]

If someone is a 'tutter', they'll 'tut' at anyone or anything
That is exactly my point, so why assume it is race related and the OP needs to go and educate herself?

[Melia100]

Accepting verbal abuse is not and cannot be part of any genuine social justice program of change.

[dontdisturbmenow]

in our supermarket aisles you cant walk past someone while keeping 2m away because the aisles are barely 2m wide
Then you wait!

Racism is a far greater societal ill with much wider and more serious ramifications than accusations of racism
That we agree. So don't defend those who throw such accusation just because they don't like someone responding to behaviours that has nothing to do with their race.

[Cadent]

I’m also wary of posters who only have 5 posts to their name before posting a thread like this.

[sockybug]

so it doesnt sound like you were racist at all,you didnt feel like confrontation so you tutted, you could of asked them to kindly move but you didnt feel like it, dont take it personally you would have reacted the same way to anyone i would have thought, you were not against them personally, you were against what they were doing, that is not being racist. i was in a queue once and someone was behind me and just shoved in front of me to get ahead of the queue.. i was shocked but not happy about it, hesitated to say anything but then thought about it and thought no if this was a white person i would complain also because he shouldnt be skipping the queue its rude, so i decided to tell him.. "excuse me i was before you and you pushed infront of the queue"?.. i then got threatened and tried to intimidate me... got told to shut up or else, i had no choice but to shut up.. i am not racist at all but if someone does something i really dont agree with i believe in treating everyone the same because i see people as equal not different because of colours?! cant just except someones bad behaviour just because of their appearance, or career title or whatever, we are all equals no body is better than anyone else in that sense

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

Assuming this is true (and I'm not calling you a liar, I sometimes can't tell with these threads these days). I'm really sorry that happened to you OP. They were out of order. I'm black and would not have immediately assumed you were racist. I tutt all the time myself. Somewhat hypocritically I might have been annoyed if someone tutted at me. But still not enough to bother replying.

Last time I tutted, it was just last week, I was standing outside The Co-op in unexpectedly freezing cold wind, suffering from chronic fatigue and the shop refused to do 'one in one out' instead they were letting people in by the half hour. I got really fed up and tutted. Needed to. Since everyone else was tutting, I didn't get a mouthful of abuse from anyone and thinking back, I have never received abuse from merely tutting, but I guess I'm lucky eh?

Try to forget about it and move on if you can do something nice.

Incidentally regarding the 'shame' I once had a chance experience at a train station during rush hour. A local guy who looked high on drugs and alcohol asked me for cash and then followed me onto the platform and I guess I looked like someone he knew or he was having an hallucination because he suddenly started screaming that I was a slut, who slept with 'every man on street' that my kids were in care and I kept offering him sexual favours but he knew I had Aids. At the top of his voice. On the platform. With loads of people watching. This was after I had dropped my kids to school and there were a couple other parents there. I wanted to die. I literally wante

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

Wanted someone to save me and no one did. I had to take it as if I said anything I felt he would kick off!

Luckily the train came within 10 minutes.

Next day one parent couple asked me what happened and despite my explanation I could tell they thought the guy and I knew each intimately. Fortunately a couple weeks later the husband came up to me and said he had spoken to the station attendent and they told him the guy always causes trouble.

But I really upset for a while. For months I wonder I find it funny now

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

For months I wondered what peoole thought about me.

My phone is messing up...but you get the gist. Hopefully in time you'll just put this down to an unfortunate experience.

[P999]

Unacceptable, nasty. What vile people and those poor kids to have parents like that. So fucking what if you tutted. What they did was awful. Hope you feel better soon

[MsTSwift]

Catherine I really wouldn’t worry I am sure it was obvious to all he was a nutter! Happened to me once at a railway station didn’t occur to me to be embarrassed though I was accused of being a crack whore and forcing my boyfriend to sell drugs so he would buy me stuff - I was single at the time and a solicitor 😁

[Gwenhwyfar]

Catherine, I have to say I'm surprised you thought people would take that seriously. Some people who are off their heads on drugs, or drink shout abuse at people in the street. I would never think that was personal and I'm really shocked the school parents thought it was serious. There are people like that around where I live and there's not much you can do but call the police and I suppose they might get sectioned then.

[EatsShootsAndRuns]

TTDH 🙄

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

I was accused of being a crack whore and forcing my boyfriend to sell drugs so he would buy me stuff - I was single at the time and a solicitor

Ha ha maybe it was the same bloke @MsTSwift

It seems ridiculous looking back that I took it seriously and that the couple did. But It was the way he spoke. He'd obviously seen me around and kept dropping facts in, like I walk around with my 2 boys (which I did have at the time) and drop them off at 'church' (which there was a church hall close by, that did evening activities for kids which I sometimes went to and my youngest had done creche there) then drop in lies like afterwards I go soliciting for sex from random strangers and offered him blowjobs for drugs but he wouldn't touch me with a bargepole because I gave him a sexual disease and he knows I have Aids.

Now it seems funny and completely ridiculous but I was totally mortified at the time at the thought of what people would think! But as pointed out, only the stupid couple took it seriously. I doubt anyone else cared and he disappeared from the area soon after. Thank god!

[Rowantree2020]

@catherineofaregonspomegranate It is a very powerful weapon to accuse someone in public of something that is shameful, be it racism, child abuse or anything else. The effect on the recipient can be devastating, even if other people around don’t believe the accusations. I’m sorry you had that experience

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

Thanks @Rowantree2020 yes that's how it felt at the time. Perhaps age and maturity has toughened me up a bit since, but is nasty to be accused of anything you are not guilty of, agree.

[GabsAlot]

my message has been deleted for saying you shouldnt be called racist for tutting

ok then

[Cam2020]

Racism is not a 'card' people play - it hurts people and just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there, whether it is through wilful blindness or maybe because you just haven't been a victim of it. Please listen to those who have been victims of racism with an open mind rather than automatically dismiss their experiences because it doesn't align with your perceptions of the world.

Did you even read the original post? The people in question certainly played the race card because they were in the wrong and probably just horrible individuals. Yes, there are horrible individuals of all colours.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

People who tut openly at others are invariably asshats. The other women were asshats too, but you started it. Why not have some patience and stand back til they'd moved past? Why openly tut at another human being for doing something you wouldn't? You were rude and then felt attacked when they took the rudeness up several notches.

[thisenglishlife]

it's always the white person being racist when in fact it's NOT.
OK.

[thisenglishlife]

Sorry that you were shouted at OP.