I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

"OP had poor manners in the first place"

How so? The other people were breaking the social distance rule of the shop. They were the ill mannered ones.

@broccoliduns

Next time film these people

This is not the answer...

Why not? Calling someone a racist in public is slander isn't it? If OP knows other people in the shop, her reputation has been damaged.

Why would her reputation be damaged? Would the people she know automatically see her as racist just because people accused her of being one?

@Gwenhwyfar

"OP had poor manners in the first place"

How so? The other people were breaking the social distance rule of the shop. They were the ill mannered ones.

Don’t be so obnoxious. Have you never bumped into somebody by mistake? Stood on someone’s foot? (Yes it hurts) but I don’t think it’s deliberately.

I doubt the family set off to the supermarket and thought right today I am going to invade someone’s space at the supermarket. It’s really pathetic.

I have explained previously already that Tutting is really rude. How could anybody apologise for getting to close if your going to have a negative attitude straight away.
If you think tutting is acceptable for situations like these well.....

It is not ok to go around accusing someone as a racist just because your annoyed.

Tutting is passive aggressive

@june2007

It is not ok to go around accusing someone as a racist just because your annoyed.

We have all established that part already and the majority agree it’s totally unacceptable

I would have felt just like you OP, I was in Asda yesterday and a particular member of staff was going down every single aisle the wrong way and barging in front of people whilst wearing a colleague "Social distance" t shirt If eye rolls had volume your would have heard mine.

Ok maybe tutting wasn't a great idea but we all encounter rudeness everyday and if we confront it head on every time we'd be exhausted. And contrary to what others have suggested does not show you've made assumptions based on another's heritage!

And in the grand scheme of things strangers can do to piss others off I'm surprised tutting is such a cardinal sin, if I was to be tutted I really wouldn't give a shit and just get on with my day. However I will definitely bear it in mind in future (note - it's not something I tend to do). It doesn't sound like OP would have got a much better reaction had she spoke to the ladies instead.

Their reaction whilst understandable at the moment was over the top and to encourage your kids to humiliate someone with such glee? Yep, you're not very nice person.

They behaved badly, but seriously, just say 'excuse me' and smile next time!
I wear a mask now, so I'm even more careful to make sure that my voice is cheery and my eyes crinkle in an obvious smile, if I have to ask someone to distance. I've not had a single negative response. People apologise and smile back, and occasionally I even get a very brief chat from them.

eaglejulesk

Oh yes, tutting is so much worse than screaming at a complete stranger and hurling insults!!!

***
This.

"just say 'excuse me' and smile next time!"

You can get shouted at just for doing that.

Sweetlikecoca I said it because some of the messages seem to think that tutting makes it ok. Perhaps thats not what they mean but it,s how it comes across.

Sorry, only saw your update after you posted, OP. It's nice that you recognise that you could have done things differently. And yes, it must have been horrible to have them react as they did. Hope your next shopping trip is a nicer experience.

You said that when you politely ask people that it's met with aggression "more often than not".

There's something about the way you're asking. If you're tutting at people, perhaps your requests a don't come across as polite as you think? Or perhaps your face is conveying something other than friendliness?

After I posted, rather!

"I doubt the family set off to the supermarket and thought right today I am going to invade someone’s space at the supermarket. It’s really pathetic."

Well, if we had a video we'd know. I can assure you that LOADS of people where I live don't care about social distancing at all and DO come too close to other people on purpose.
OP didn't say it was an accidental bump into someone. If so, OP should say that.
I've had many people come too close to me and it definitely is on purpose, presumably not that they're trying to give me Covid, just that they absolutely make no effort to keep a distance.
You ought to come to my area for a day if you live somewhere where people would only break social distancing by accident.

"I have explained previously already that Tutting is really rude."

In your opinion. I wouldn't like to be tutted, but I don't find it 'really rude' like shouting and swearing. You'd have to have lived a sheltered life to think tutting is that bad.

It’s a public supermarket and if you are telling me everybody walks and waits at the 2m rule to purchase every item like butter, bread, eggs and so on... you are a bloody liar
Responsible people do yes. I certainly do. I wait and I'm patient and yes, those who pass others right next because they can't be bothered to wait and accept that shopping now does take longer piss me off. I'm not sure what's the point of having these rules in place in the first instance if they are pointless and nobody is to respect them. Like so many other things,cuts a case of luck and choose.

Nobody is saying it was ok,
Sadly, if you read carefully, some people are saying that it was because OP started it.

No. Politeness SHOULD be met with politeness. In this case, OP was not. No hypocrisy there
Are you saying that tutting is as offensive as calling someone racist? So next time a woman tuts at my husband when he's in the wrong, it will be ok for him to shout at her that she is just being a sexist twat? His actions will be fully defended?

You were't being racist
How does this work if I sigh next time a same colour person goes right in front of me trying to get an item almost touching me? Will that make me racist against my race? What if she's older than me, can she accuse me if ageism?

So according to MN it seems tutting is worse than potentially contributing to a spread of a pandemic which has already killed 60,000 in Britain and potentially putting the OP/OP’s family health at risk.
Glad we’ve cleared that up.
Tut tut
shakes heads

"You said that when you politely ask people that it's met with aggression "more often than not".

There's something about the way you're asking."

Or maybe she lives in a different area to yours. My polite asking is met with aggression too, but I have vastly different experiences walking in different areas.

Thick as shit people come in all shapes, ages, backgrounds and colours.

"I doubt the family set off to the supermarket and thought right today I am going to invade someone’s space at the supermarket. It’s really pathetic."

Maybe they had no alternative than to take six children to a supermarket during a pandemic, but it’s their responsibility to take all reasonable measures to ensure the children behave and observe social distancing not ‘bundle around’ the aisles.

@WhenAllsSaidandDone

Why would her reputation be damaged? Would the people she know automatically see her as racist just because people accused her of being one?

That's how slander works isn't it? They wouldn't have to prove it to damage her reputation.

You can get shouted at just for doing that
Indeed, the reason why I don't bother anymore.

The most common response has been 'excuse me, do you have a problem' said very aggressively.

I normally sight and walk on, but then again, I'd probably laugh if I was accused of being racist. I've learnt that having never been accused or it or deemed being so in the past 50 years , I've suddenly become so in the last two weeks!

I think people on this site tend to take a very narrow view of what constitutes racism. However, as a non-white person who looks visibly different to the general population in my area, I can say that some of the subtleties of how racism manifests actually affects me more than a person who yells out a slur on the street. One of these subtleties is that I have found on a number of occasions throughout my life that I have been told off or given a disapproving look for doing something that a lot of other people may be doing, but the person on the bus/in the supermarket/public space tells me off and not others. I remember once when I was much younger I was on a bus I happened to be sitting down and others were standing. Now, there were any number of seemingly able-bodied people sitting down as well but a woman on the bus came to me and muttered under her breath 'no manners'. The incident affected me quite badly and to this day I have a fear of breaking any rules in public because I fear that I'll be told off.

Can I definitively prove that this is based on racist modes of thinking? I can't, but where there is a recurring pattern it becomes fairly obvious. I think because non-white people are much more visible in public spaces (I am often stared at, I don't know if people even realise they are doing it), they are also more visible targets for enforcement of any perceived rule-breaking, and this is where the underlying racism manifests. A black colleague of mine was saying that she never goes out in scruffy clothing because she knows how people will look at her compared to say, a white person in a hoodie and track pants, but that if she ever mentions this to white people they are quick to say she is 'imagining' it.

I am not saying the OP is racist, just that racism manifests itself in many ways, both overt and subtle. The subtle racism can be a lot more difficult to address, especially within yourself, because you may not be aware you are even doing it. A white colleague of mine continually mixes up my name and the name of another colleague - our names are not even vaguely similar and there is a 20 year age gap between us, with the only similarity being that we are both non-white. I don't think this white colleague has ever noticed they are doing this, but it is yet another example of a subtle way in which an underlying racist attitude ('you're all the same') is displayed. And no, they don't mix anyone else's names up, just the two people in the office who happen to be non-white.

""I doubt the family set off to the supermarket and thought right today I am going to invade someone’s space at the supermarket. It’s really pathetic."

No, but quite possibly they thought 'let's go to the supermarket as usual'.
I can assure you there are people for whom this pandemic means nothing and they carry on as before.