I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

[Notejode]

It is so low when people use this word randomly to justify their rudeness.

[Chiochan]

I think you were the victim of bullies but I have to say people who get their knickers in a twist about social distincing do grate on me.
We live in crowded cities, if somone is very concerned about people getting to close then it is up to them to not go out imo.

[Excitedannie]

Thank you all for your comments - totally acknowledge I was in the wrong and clearly instigated a confrontation in what is a very volatile environment for lots of reasons at the moment

Missyoumuch - sorry but I genuinely don't understand your doubt around this - so you think I'm lying or embellishing it to make me look the innocent party? I think I've been clear that I'm not without blame

[MarginalGain]

You've all behaved badly.

[heartsonacake]

YANBU and you weren’t being racist.

Those who call the racism card just to get their way own/put others down undermine genuine racism and should be ashamed of themselves.

You didn’t do anything wrong; they did by first ignoring social distancing and second being achieve when they didn’t like being called out on it.

[heartsonacake]

*own way
*abusive not achieve

[broccoliduns]

I am a black person.

I have been called a stupid n*er for bumping in to someone by accident.

I've been told to go back to my own country.

I've been spat at.

I've been called a brown cunt.

This is all within the last 6 months. If someone white tuts at me, I automatically think 'are they racist?' - of course I'll never know and I would never accuse. It's a horrible way to live and black people are aware of their colour, all the time.

Try to understand that whilst they were utterly wrong to call you racist without any real justification for it, their reaction is based on their experiences. Being black is hard. Fucking awful sometimes.

You were abused by an ignorant black family (though it does sound like the story has been exaggerated and minimised in parts?) however you can go home, cry a bit and move on. I suggest you do just that. They were idiots and there's sod all you can do about it now, it's as simple as that.

[Lynda07]

Chiochan Wed 10-Jun-20 07:29:00
I always thought tutting was the more polite way to let someone know they were crossing a boundry
.........

Who taught you that?

[dontdisturbmenow]

@FTMF30, she clearly was upset and emotionally distressed.

Tutting is not rude or aggressive. It really is the lesser aggressive way to express dissatisfaction.

Or are you saying that it would have been unacceptable to call her racist if she'd very politely asked them to move away from her but they still called her racist?

Isn't it the same argument than those who said that Floyd didn't deserve the respect given to him because of his past?

[MarginalGain]

@Lynda07

Chiochan Wed 10-Jun-20 07:29:00
I always thought tutting was the more polite way to let someone know they were crossing a boundry
.........

Who taught you that?

. how could tutting be considered polite?

[Chiochan]

50years of living in the UK I guess.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Try to understand that whilst they were utterly wrong to call you racist without any real justification for it, their reaction is based on their experiences.
And how can you possibly know that? Maybe they are just racist themselves?

Or is it ok for white people to be racist against all black people because they had a bad experience with a black person previously?

I'm so tired of people building their views of individual people based on generalisations and assumptions to suit their position. THIS is exactly the essence of prejudice!

[WeAllHaveWings]

If you can't politely say what you mean and instead go for passive aggressive and condescending loud tutting or sighing, with probably the associated usual snooty/superior facial expressions/eyerolling that tutters exhibit, in a supermarket, expect people to react although maybe not quite so aggressively.

You admit your tutting or sighing was to convey to them you thought they were inferior parents not keeping their children under control and social distancing, which is bad enough, but with the current racial tensions it unfortunately became someone more.

They were out of order pulling the racist card, but you started the problem.

[Chiochan]

I know I prefer a tutt or sign than someone coming up to me and announcing they would rather I did this or that. People I dont know making demands on me in annoying, I dont think Im allone in that.
Try it today when your out if you are wondering.
once sign or tutt at someone and then go and ask someone to do something they were not or to stop doing what they are and see who you thing seems more annoyed.

[missyoumuch]

@Excitedannie

I do not believe that a family of 6 shouted that you are racist solely because you tutted at them.

Either you did more than that - maybe you tutted and sighed and rolled your eyes and came across very passive aggressive. And note the word “aggressive” is part of that term for a reason. It’s rude and an attack on another person.

Or their response was not nearly as over the top as you describe. Maybe the word racist was used but not an en masse shouting and taunting.

I’m BAME and have been in some dicey situations but I’ve literally never heard of a black family of 6 shouting down a lone woman in a shop accusing her of racism and no one else noticing or intervening. I mean I saw something like that once and a security guard got involved quite quickly.

[isitfridayyet1]

Tutting is really rude. Sometimes you just have to let things go. One brief interaction between people in a supermarket when the cases at the moment are relatively low is very unlikely to spread the virus, especially if you're following the wash your hands guidelines.

BTW were you wearing a mask? Maybe that would be a good idea on future shopping trips you're overly anxious about catching it.

[LaurieMarlow]

Only a total idiot would teach tutting as the polite action. Just be clear, direct and polite.

[MsTSwift]

I messed up in boots yesterday went the wrong way a lady (over 2 metres away) said “watch the arrows” with a smile I apologised we both eye rolled at these strange times that was it no bad feelings

[broccoliduns]

Or is it ok for white people to be racist against all black people because they had a bad experience with a black person previously ?

I don't know that I have the energy to get in to this debate again.

Do you understand and acknowledge the type of thing that some (most) black people have experienced? Do you think that many white people feel vulnerable because of their skin colour on a regular basis? This won't be based on an experience with just one white person.

You can condemn someone's behaviour whilst trying to understand it at the same time. It was likely a response to previous experience as a black person (and they would've had a lifetime's worth) as opposed to a personal attack against the OP.

[Rosehip10]

@missyoumuch

Many things happen to people in life that one hasn't seen or heard - just because a certain anything hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean it hasn't to others