I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

[Teddybelle]

Ignore the comments on here excusing the behaviour. Tutting is really irritating but nothing more... and I’m sure you won’t do it again! The disgusting behaviour is allowing your children to mock, verbally abuse and body shame someone in public and scream ‘racist’ with no evidence. As someone else said, it undermines the real cause. And it’s another type of ‘ism’ in itself. Hope you have a better day!

[MarginalGain]

@Chiochan

I know I prefer a tutt or sign than someone coming up to me and announcing they would rather I did this or that. People I dont know making demands on me in annoying, I dont think Im allone in that.
Try it today when your out if you are wondering.
once sign or tutt at someone and then go and ask someone to do something they were not or to stop doing what they are and see who you thing seems more annoyed.

It's very unusual that I would need to rebuke a stranger, so there probably won't be an opportunity for me to test this today (if I thought I might).

[dontdisturbmenow]

instead go for passive aggressive and condescending loud tutting or sighing, with probably the associated usual snooty/superior facial expressions/eyerolling that tutters exhibit
Yeah, let's embellish it all for more dramatic effect!

[Fishypants]

The weird thing is stories are being relayed about people "playing the race card". It's a popular right wing trope that when it comes to racism white people are the real victims of nefarious black and brown people bandying about the "racist" with gleeful abandon.

However I've never experienced this in my 44 years, in fact seen the total opposite, openly racist people (who use the n word) go ballistic when people call them out and say "I'm not racist but....." Amy Cooper who falsely told the police an African American was threatening her life, said she wasn't racist.

I'm sorry OP this happened to you but I would ignore it and move on. I looked at someone at the supermarket who was not socially distancing, thought a cold hard stare would do the trick. But I was told I was a "stupid fucking bitch" for my troubles. I ignored and moved on.

[Livelovebehappy]

This is how the future is going to pan out folks. Every single negative statement said to POC is going to be interpreted as being racist. It’s a very dangerous path we are going down if a section of society is going to feel ‘untouchable’ whatever their actions. There is nothing in the U.K. today that is open to white people and not POC. The racist attitudes are down to individuals in society whose mindset is very difficult to change, however you try to educate them. Today’s generation are different, and new generations coming through will be born into a society that’s totally different towards race. My teen son says he sees absolutely no racism in his own generation, but sees it in older people.

[Nonotthatdr]

Ozgirl75
It used to be absolutely terrible to be called a racist, I would have been horrified. Now basically if you disagree with anything a POC says (especially on Twitter), it’s the first insult. Shame as it used to be a genuinely shaming thing to be called

I was brought up to believe that being w racist was the possible worst thing you could be, about as good as a paedophile. Absolute scum and not deserving of a place in society.

Now it seems that all white people have to accept they are Intriniscly racist in order to address their biases. I have accepted that I might have some intrinsic biases based on race and I guess that makes me racist. I can just about accept this but then if most of the population of the uk is racist then they can’t all be excluded from society and pilloried. White children (after about 8 yrs of age) are therefore racists - are they also terrible people?

I’m not saying the new approach is wrong but I do wonder if it lessens the horror and power of the term. If most of a country is racist (as most of the population is white) then we can’t pillory and exclude all of us, so is racism not that bad then? Where does that then leave us when utter bastards like the murdering us cop do something that does make then utter scum?

[Sweetlikecoca]

@dontdisturbmenow was there any need to tut in the first place? I think this is the cause of the problem. It’s bad manners for a start.
We have all knocked into somebody by mistake or bumped into someone.

I don’t think it’s a big deal like OP is making out. The fact that she can’t look at her OWN actions (even though she’s at fault too) well......

[missyoumuch]

Oh and look at the people posting here now saying white people are now Britain’s new underclass.

This is why I don’t buy this story as told, it’s like a red rag for white supremacists.

[Davincitoad]

@bathstreetkid you what? Social distancing has to happen. End of.

[SteelyPanther]

It’s very frustrating when you are accused of something that you know is not true and you can’t defend yourself.
I hope you feel better today and that the memory fades soon.

[Davincitoad]

@Nonotthatdr that is such a sweeping statement that is becoming tiresome. All white people? Really? So much wrong with that statement.

[broccoliduns]

Oh and look at the people posting here now saying white people are now Britain’s new underclass.

I know. It's bizarre.

[FTMF30]

@dontdisturbmenow Well I think those 2 ladies were upset or they wouldn't have lashed out in the way they did. Problem is, that's not always an emotion black women are associated with. Instead they are angry, aggressive or rude.

Nowhere did I say it was acceptable to be called a racist. But look at the context - OP tutted (which most people see as rude), she was shouted back at and called racist by some strangers in a supermarket. Both parties could move on and go about their days. It was nothing more than horrible name calling in this case. It was not as if a serious allegation of racism was made about her at her workplace, for example.

[dontdisturbmenow]

@, your worded perfectly how I feel about racism.

was there any need to tut in the first place? I think this is the cause of the problem. It’s bad manners for a start
Maybe, maybe not, but that's not the point. The point was that OP was called Racist when it had nothing to do with race. If she'd been called 'rude woman', that would have been different.

But I agree with Nonotthatdr, it would seem that unless you are prepared to actively fight for the cause, you are deemed racist nowadays so I guess I am. I thought I was doing my part by treating everyone the same regardless of their race or colour, and brought my kids to do just the same, but clearly that isn't enough.

Oh well, I'll continue to refuse to see colour in people I interact with, I don't really care what label people want to assign to me.

[Lynda07]

Chiochan Wed 10-Jun-20 07:47:10
I know I prefer a tutt or sign than someone coming up to me and announcing they would rather I did this or that. People I dont know making demands on me in annoying, I dont think Im allone in that.
Try it today when your out if you are wondering.
once sign or tutt at someone and then go and ask someone to do something they were not or to stop doing what they are and see who you thing seems more annoyed.
...
Would you please translate that? I can't make head nor tail of it. It could just be me I suppose.

[Pugdoglife]

The hypocrisy of some of these posts astounds me.
Even if you consider a tut to be rude it doesn't give anyone the right to start shouting and acting aggressively in a public place or throwing around unsubstantiated claims.
The op was not happy about the lack of social distancing, that has absolutely nothing to do with race and to suggest it does is ridiculous.
The op has also been subjected to sexist (they would call a man a cow) and ageist insults, because suddenly prejudice doesn't count if your skin is white.

[Lynda07]

LaurieMarlow Wed 10-Jun-20 07:50:01
Only a total idiot would teach tutting as the polite action. Just be clear, direct and polite.
...
That.

[FlemCandango]

I and my sister were accused of being racist once by a black cyclist. He was cycling on the pavement on my street in South London, this was many years ago I was in my late 20s. We were walking down the street. This was a narrow pavement and a side street with parking down both sides, so made the pavement restricted, in my opinion an adult man should be cycling on the road. I therefore did not get out of his way when he was cycling towards us. I am a bit militant about right of way. He was very angry about this and decided to turn around and cycle after us calling us "racist white bitches". I am not racist I would have done the same, and have done the same for white adult cyclists on pavements, he may have thought I wouldn't. There is not much I can do about that. Except to remember how lucky I am that I am not black and living with the constant anxiety that being black in our society brings. So in the grand scheme of things a bit of reflection on any interaction to check "would I have done things differently if the other person was BAME?" Is a good thing.

[broccoliduns]

Oh well, I'll continue to refuse to see colour in people I interact with

Oh god not that one again 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Lynda07]

leckford Wed 10-Jun-20 07:47:26
In The hell hole called London? This is the reason for white flight
.......
I've lived in London for all of my seventy years (apart from six months), and wouldn't live anywhere else. Nobody has ever accused me of racism and I do not 'tut'.

[dontdisturbmenow]

I don’t think it’s a big deal like OP is making out
No, not this week! 6 weeks ago, people would have posted about a family shopping with 6 kids getting close to people in the shop, and the response would gave been that this woman was a c**, that there was no need to bring all her kids in the shop, that she should do home delivery or click and collect. That's it's people like her killing 1000 of people for her selfishness and that not only should OP have said something but call the police!

Now, it's no big deal and OP is overreacting and almost deserved to have been insulted.

Oh how things change in just a few weeks!

[Brefugee]

tutting is totally British and pas-ag but it is still rude. Even when Brits do it to each other. People get really annoyed and it's all
"what?"
"what do you mean, 'what?'"
"you tutted"
sigh

If you want people to know you're annoyed in Britain you tut. It's the rule. But it is still rude.

I have no idea if you were being racist or not since you didn't elaborate on the race of the people concerned, but you might have caught them at the end of a long day of having racists having a go at them. Remember, usually when people fly off the handle, often the AIBU crowd will say "move on, they probably had a bad day".

Yes. They were rude to shout at you. You were rude to tut. Everyone was rude.

[WhenAllsSaidandDone]

Sorry this happened to you OP. Both the parents and kids hurling insults, shouting old cow, etc is awful and I can imagine embarrassing. I wonder if anybody else witnessed this ruckus and what their reaction was?

As for calling you racist, the problem PoC (I assume) face everyday is not knowing the intention behind any behaviour they get from white people. There's a 50/50 chance it stems from racism. Some will think it but not say it, others will declare it loud and proud that they think you're being racist. They could be wrong or right but they'll never know.

In that case (and with the current climate too), I don't think it's far-fetched to assume someone is being racist, regardless of what was done/said/not. Covert racism is rampant in the UK.

I don't think tutting alone warrants hurling insults but I wouldn't tut at people with children either. Different people react differently: some tut or sigh and others directly confront, others shout at tutters and others move along.