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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Shaved Her Head

437 replies

CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 17:48

More of a wwyd.

My DD18 has just called me and told me she has shaved her head. DD already had short hair.

DD reasons were that her hair was damaged from all the coloring and she didn't like the color it was.

I am sitting here trying not to loose my mind. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am thinking part of my reaction is pregnancy hormones. After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone. I have been crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

I don't want to say anything to bad to her. I know that it is her choice.

Could someone help give me a reality check that shaving her head isn't that bad? I need to get a grip as it is her life.

OP posts:
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5
CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 09/06/2020 18:22

sensible.

WhenAllsSaidandDone · 09/06/2020 18:22

I think it's unfortunate how society has fecked people over to think a woman has to have hair to be what exactly? Beautiful? Attractive? Worthy? Not weird? What exactly does her hair mean in relation to who she really is on the inside? No wonder some people are depressed when they have short hair or they start losing hair.

Even if her hair never grows again, so what? Has she stopped being her?

This isn't really directed at you OP cos your hormones may well have caused you to react the way you did, although many would react that way, pregnant or not. Just directed at how much value is placed on a woman's hair to the point of it affecting their lives and others around them.

Personally, I couldn't care less and do all sorts to my hair including shaving it.

turnthebiglightoff · 09/06/2020 18:22

Silent screaming? Yes, wobble your head ASAP. Pretty ridiculous.

WhenAllsSaidandDone · 09/06/2020 18:23

That said, YABU.

TheSandman · 09/06/2020 18:23

My DD shaved her head when she was 13 or so. It grew back. What's the issue here?

BadAlice · 09/06/2020 18:24

She's an adult, chill out.

copycopypaste · 09/06/2020 18:25

It's the thing to do these days, it'll be considered cool (although I've just shown how 'uncool' I am by saying cool). A few influences on YouTube etc are doing it.

Calm down it's only hair Thanks

kenandbarbie · 09/06/2020 18:25

Sounds like you handled it v well when you saw her op. She could do with being a bit nicer about your pregnancy tbh.

iloveeverykindofcat · 09/06/2020 18:25

I...don't understand what you were crying about? Would you cry if your son shaved his head? Hair grows. When I was 15 I got a shit tattoo off a market stall on my back. It looks....like a tattoo from a market stall that inks 15 year olds. It's not the end of the world!

Dollywilde · 09/06/2020 18:26

I had a full meltdown at 23 weeks when the dishwasher engineer told me he couldn’t plumb in my dishwasher. As it turns out it’s doable, he just didn’t want the faff of moving out a cupboard - but at the time I was sobbing my heart out at DH, proper screechy cries. So I do get it! But honestly - it’s really not a big deal. Hair grows! In the grand scheme of things it’s nothing Smile I could tell you it’s her life and her hair but you know that already. Just remember that feeling this way will pass - deep breaths, cup of tea, chocolate biscuit and something stupid to distract you methinks. Some comedy on Netflix or the likes.

carexfairex · 09/06/2020 18:26

Wh

One of the worst parts of this thread is people excusing OP being horrible to her DD because of pregnancy hormones. Pregnancy hormones don't turn ordinarily nice parents into arseholes.

Flyinggeese · 09/06/2020 18:26

Maybe it's a cultural thing (OP are you in the US?). I can't see the problem unless you feel it's a cry for help and there are other issues.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 09/06/2020 18:26

She'll save a lot on shampoo, and won't take as long to get ready to go out (go where though?) My DH shaved my head when hair came out due to chemo. Main drawback is it was freezing when it it rained but that was Jan/Feb!

Waxypotatoes · 09/06/2020 18:26

OP that's a completely uncalled for reaction.
I've shaved my head a few times, first time I was 19.
My Mum never said anything apart from 'ooh that must feel nice and so easy to look after'. Why would she say anything else? It's
a) not her hair
b) not a big deal
I was also not shunned by society. I'm a professional working woman with a totally boring marriage house and kids kind of life and nothing had changed for me or the way I get treated when I've had a shaved head vs long hair (apart from DH thinks it's sexier short).
It's just hair. It's bullshit society equates all that dead keratin with femininity and attractiveness and all that jazz. Be proud of your DDs confidence. It's a good solution for short hair damaged by colouring and will grow quickly.

pigsDOfly · 09/06/2020 18:27

Crying and silently screaming for 10 minutes? What the hell?

She's 18 years old. She's shaved her head. She hasn't rung you to tell you she's become a crack addict.

Talk about an over reaction.

It's hair, it'll grow back.

Isthisfinallyit · 09/06/2020 18:28

Some women are abdolutely beautiful with a shaved head. It makes you focus more on the face and the shape of the head, which can be a big plus. Just look at Sinead O'conner in her younger years or Natalie Portman or Grace Jones. All women who were famous for their beauty.

And if she ever wanted to experiment with a shaved head: now is the time! If she doesn't like it she can always claim a botched haircut so shaved it to start over.

Flyinggeese · 09/06/2020 18:28

Sorry by cultural I just mean there may be other reasons at play for not liking very short hair - and I can see some US teminology and spelling so wondered if there are factors we might not appreciate in the UK.

magicstar1 · 09/06/2020 18:28

I used to go to the local barbers and get a no. 2 My mother would roll her eyes and say I looked from someone from a prison. It didn’t scar me for life, and my hair grew back. Don’t worry about it.

CrystalTipped · 09/06/2020 18:29

I'm supposed to apologize for telling her "Well it looks different." And then her leaving the room. She was happily munching on a sandwich she had bought on the way home. Smile on her face.

It sounds like you were irritated that she was happy, and so said something passive aggressive to deflate her mood. Get yourself together.

Pregnancy is a bitch for OTT reactions. I once cried in a restaurant because my favourite dish had been discontinued. I cringe every time I remember it. Kids in their late teens will experiment with all sorts, if it's only her hair, count yourself lucky! Go and have a bath or whatever will settle your mood, and then apologize.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 09/06/2020 18:29

She's ok -it will grow back!

Leaannb · 09/06/2020 18:30

@nomorefencepostsplease....I have children 20 years apart. They honestly range from 25 to 5 and if either one of them had said anything about my youngest serious conversations would have happened. If my then 19 yo would have had the balls to say something even remotely like that he would have been served with eviction papers the very next day. The only comment he gave was he didn't like her name. I told him that since he wasn't present for the conception to keep his opinions to himself and a 1 way trip to the airport was provided.

NeutrinoWrangler · 09/06/2020 18:31

I don't blame you for thinking it will probably look awful (I wouldn't have done it, myself!), but she's 18 and it's only hair. It'll grow back before you know it.

If she hates it too much or finds it too much of a struggle in the meantime, she can always get a wig or wear a head-scarf or hat.

ChaoticCatling · 09/06/2020 18:32

Many children and teenagers have buzz cuts at some point. My DS did at 7 or 8, he now has hair halfway down his back at 14, should I be upset about that? I had a buzz cut at 17. Would you care if she was a boy?

GreyGardens88 · 09/06/2020 18:34

Massive overreaction, no excuse to hang up the phone. Have a word with yourself and call your DD to apologise

Proudboomer · 09/06/2020 18:35

Be grateful it’s not the 1980s when we all shaved off all our hair bar a bit on the top and front which we permed into really tight curls.

Not the greatest look but no one died.