DD Shaved Her Head

[CrazyLady82]

More of a wwyd.

My DD18 has just called me and told me she has shaved her head. DD already had short hair.

DD reasons were that her hair was damaged from all the coloring and she didn't like the color it was.

I am sitting here trying not to loose my mind. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am thinking part of my reaction is pregnancy hormones. After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone. I have been crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

I don't want to say anything to bad to her. I know that it is her choice.

Could someone help give me a reality check that shaving her head isn't that bad? I need to get a grip as it is her life.

@sillysmiles My DD is beautiful with long, short or no hair. But when she wants my opinion on what she has done to her hair I'm not going to say it looks great when I don't think it does. A "Well it looks different" Seemed better to me than I think you look really weird and it doesn't suit your face at all.

@Bluntness100 How was I supposed to help DD adjust to me being pregnant? It seems that I'm supposed to be all happy that she shaved her hair off (when I'm not). But I should hold her hand when she finds out I'm pregnant? Seems to be two different ways.

Yes I know my reaction was over the top. But my reaction was private. DD didn't see the tears or the mini melt down. Silent screaming was an exaggeration. I didn't actually stand in the middle of my room and scream silently.

To all those commenting on the time between DD18 and this current pregnancy. DH and I have been trying to have a second child for 10 years. With more than one miscarriage and many fertility treatments we have finally gotten to have a second child. So I would appreciate it if people wouldn't insinuate that it was just a child on a whim because it is not.

The pregnancy was only mentioned because of the hormones and I thought it might explain part of my reaction, but it might just be that I was OTT. Which does happen. People do have OTT reactions. I

I did come here to get a reality. To all those telling me to get my head on straight. You are right it is just hair. I think I was just taken by surprise and didn't know how to handle it so I cried alone in my room.

Those saying I acted bad on the phone and should apologize. I really don't understand why I should apologize for saying the truth. I told her I wasn't happy with the decision; but that I knew it was her decision and I wouldn't have made it but it wasn't up to me. I could be wrong, but I don't see how that is rude.

You don't need to apologize to her ' Thats different' is a standard response from a parent when a teenager is looking for a reaction. Honestly I get why you felt a little upset maybe partly becuse you are worried she'd regret it?. I did lots if crazy shit to my hair, 70% of the time i would regret it but I'd never admit that to my mum. If she brings it up again & you cant say anything nice about the hair just tell her you think she looks beautiful. Sounds like you had a rough day, stick the kettle on.

Ok I’ve got the tshirt on this. Dd also shaved her head at the same age. Same reasons. She’d destroyed her hair with home bleaching etc until it was awful. So she shaved it all off. I can’t pretend I wasn’t somewhat 😳😫 about it at first. But well yes it was her choice ultimately 🤷🏼‍♀️
She looked rather stunning and as it turned out and people often stopped her to say it looked amazing.
Now it’s all grown back and looks fine. The worse part was the awful in between can’t-do-a-thing with it phase. But she clipped it up with slides as it grew.

Try not to stress about it op. My dd nearly drives me crazy with some of her choices in life. The hair has been a mere blip compared to other stuff. I’m learning, (well I try very hard at least) to not react too much anymore.

She says she’s glad she tried shaving it and she was right, it’s grown back healthy and nice again. I guess this age is the time to experiment.

Those saying I acted bad on the phone and should apologize. I really don't understand why I should apologize for saying the truth. I told her I wasn't happy with the decision; but that I knew it was her decision and I wouldn't have made it but it wasn't up to me. I could be wrong, but I don't see how that is rude.

You hung up the phone on her after telling her you were not happy with her choice of haircut fgs. You are her mother and you just slapped a shitload of negativity on her for no reason.

@CrazyLady82 I've got 20 years between my first and last, nothing wrong with a gap. I went to a group when I was pregnant, all older mums and several of us with big gaps. I found the boys were fine with it, the teenage girls were horrified. I was surprised as I thought it might be more the other way round. My sons, 18 and 20 at the time, told me it was a great chat up line, "Would you like to come and see my new baby sister" apparently much better than, "Would you like to come and see my etchings." We did have a lot of girls visiting.

Don't worry about the hair, it will grow. She might like it or she might be feeling a bit stupid, I'd just ignore.

It’ll grow. Seriously. It’s HER hair!

I've had times where I've shaved my head due to alopecia and times where I've shaved it because I like it (especially nice to feel the breeze on your scalp )
This OTT reaction is seriously bizarre. Hair matters so so little and other people's hair not at all. It's perpetuating a really shitty attitude that hair on females is super important to how they're judged etc and having very short/no hair is some awful tragedy for a woman. It's not. If people judge women in this way (which you're doing to your own daughter) they can get lost.
It's just hair.

I'm afraid you're being completely ridiculous.

I think you owe her an apology.

It was pretty rude to say you didn't like the choice, since it's not your choice and hanging up on her was harsh.

I wonder why you overreacted in such an extreme way to such a minor thing?

It sounds like your relationship is pretty strained at the moment.

I don't think I would have been delighted if my Mum had got pregnant when I was a teenager.

There's a nice film about a Mum getting pregnant and her teenager (younger than yours) being really angry about it called A Bump Along the Way. It's funny. Might be a nice thing to watch together if you like to do that.

Congratulations btw

My mum disproves of my hair. It’s a pixie with an undercut. I work in a professional job and my clients always comment on how much they love it.

It’s just another thing in a long list of ways I have disappointed my mother by not being the daughter she expected to have in her head when she was pregnant with me 31 years ago.

Because of that, I subconsciously come up with ways to disappoint her, because I know I’m not going to live up to the daughter she expected.

What is it that has upset you so much?

My DD did this about a year ago. It really suited her and she had loads of compliments. It's grown back now and she says she wouldn't do it again, been there, done that, can tick that one off the list so to speak. Experiment, it's what teenagers do!

It will be the hormones op, during my meno I cried because there was only 1 Weetabix, & I don’t even like bloody Weetabix.

To those who’ve been unkind to the op, or not read all the thread, you’re in for a real treat with the meno .

She probably hasn't shaved it because she likes shaved heads, more likely that because she said it was damaged from the colouring (and the salons are closed) that she was looking forward to seeing her new, stronger and healthier hair growing back in the anonymity of lockdown - maybe as a start to growing it long?

So did your DD spend 10 minutes sobbing and silently screaming when she heard she was going to have a sister young enough to be her child? Or did you have a more melodramatic reaction to her purely cosmetic hair change?

She’s an adult. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her own hair. If my mother had attempted to tell me what to do with my hair when I was 18, she would have got a blunt two-word response.

Yes you should apologies for simply being negative about it. It looks different, even written, sounds disapproving and cold. So mother's should lie? OP doesn't like it, she said something that was neutral, she got upset in private. Honestly some people are just looking for something to moan about.

Teenagers do things to get a reaction, the best thing to do is not react, at least not in front of them.

She's 18, it's hair, it'll grow back. Not sure what the issue is....

You updates make it worse for me to be honest. You told her you weren’t happy with her choice and hung up the phone. She cut her hair, she didn’t make a choice to join a cult or shag a rugby team. She cut her hair ffs. She then came home and despite your saying she looks beautiful any way on here, that is not what you said to her. You sound like you have the arse with her and it is over more than just the hair. You are not nice.

Sounds like you need to work on your relationship with your daughter.

Good for her. I wish I had the nerve

I have thought about going very short. Does anyone know the app were one can put your photo in and it shows you various haircuts to see if they suit?

*@CrazyLady82 congrats on the baby. You do need to check in on your dd though as everyone knows "it looks different" is a crap attempt at hiding your dislike of whatever it is.

@carexfairex Maybe I am misunderstanding. Do you think my conversation was:

DD: Mum I shaved me head.

Me: DD I'm not happy with your choice.

Then I hang up.

That is not how it went.

I told DD that I wasn't happy with the choice. (My opinion) But I knew that it was her hair.

DD told me well I did it.

I said I know. I will see you when you get home. (She was on her way home from the store)

DD said I'll be there soon.

I said Bye and hear the click as she hung up so I hung up.

If there is something in that that need apologizing for please tell me what it is. I think we have a misunderstanding. I didn't just hang up after telling her I was unhappy with the choice.

Those saying I acted bad on the phone and should apologize. I really don't understand why I should apologize for saying the truth. I told her I wasn't happy with the decision; but that I knew it was her decision and I wouldn't have made it but it wasn't up to me. I could be wrong, but I don't see how that is rude.

So many “I”s in that quote.

She’s 18 and can shave her head if she wants. DD is 19 and if she shaved her head it would be nothing to do with me, as long as she didn’t leave the shaved hair all over the bathroom.

Silently screaming. No. This isn’t the thing to have that reaction to. Actual bad things can happen, this isn’t one of them.

My DD is beautiful with long, short or no hair. But when she wants my opinion on what she has done to her hair I'm not going to say it looks great when I don't think it does. A "Well it looks different" Seemed better to me than I think you look really weird and it doesn't suit your face at all.

So do you think she is beautiful with no hair or not because you have contradicted yourself here.

I agree - you need to be nicer to her.

I have a buzzcut at the moment; my mum never has a nice thing to say about my hair.

Why are you so worried about short hair?