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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't let me relax when I'm eating

297 replies

loreleigilmore28 · 06/06/2020 17:57

I had my second baby in December and this time around I've struggled to lose the weight I gained (probably gained more than I should in pregnancy anyway)

DH hasn't really said anything about it
apart from when I've mentioned that it's getting me down he'll say "oh well do something about it then". He won't give me sympathy but that's fine I do need a bit of a push to action.

However he's been really pissing me off about eating. Whenever, and I mean whenever, he sees me eating, even my regular meals not even snacks, he always raises an eyebrow or smirls and says "so much for the diet". It takes the enjoyment out of me eating anything at all.

Last night he rang me on his way home, quite late, kids in bed... he's getting a take away, do I want something. So I said yes please that sounds nice the usual etc...

So he comes home but then when I'm dishing mine out ( in a normal manner) he goes 'oh look at you, you cant wait'... I ignore him.
Then when I'm eating he does an impression of me eating like an exaggerated mouth stuffed "nom mom nom".

So I just went mad, told him why did he bring it if he just planned to mock me for eating it, and he'd ruined the meal for me. I put it on the side and went upstairs.
But then hes kicked off for me being rude and respectful but I'd literally had enough.
He went to work this morning still in a mood but I'm not placating him or apologising for kicking off like I usually would because I really think I've had enough.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Guineapigbridge · 07/06/2020 18:11

All the ENERGY women pour into losing weight, gaining weight, talking about weight, worrying about weight, judgijgnothers for their weight.
It's Ridiculous!!! It's a waste of fucking headspace!!! Men don't do it. Consequently, they run the world. Go start a business, enjoy your babies, found a charity, plant a tree. Do anything rather than waste your precious time on this NONSENSE. It's your body. It helps you do stuff, it holds your head up and pumps blood around your organs.

Mummyyyyyyyyyy · 07/06/2020 18:15

Reading this actually made me anxious. Sorry if I sound a bit over dramatic but this smacks of bullying & was the start of a previous partner’s controlling behaviour (I was a size 8). Nip it in the bud. Tell him that you’ve decided that you are not going to diet/watch your weight this year. Whether you do or not is nothing to do with him anyway. If he still acts the same then you need to have a good think. Good luck.

louleey · 07/06/2020 18:16

That would REALLY piss me off. If that was my oh I would actually prefer him to say something directly if he had a problem with my weight. Sounds like he’s trying to shame you into dieting what an idiot

roarfeckingroar · 07/06/2020 18:25

I'm 5-6 months pregnant with a previous eating disorder and just reading your post triggered the shame and disgust in me surrounding food so that I had to stop eating the soup I've just made. OP he is CRUEL. Nasty and cruel and horrid and he laughs at you and doesn't care that you're hurting.

roarfeckingroar · 07/06/2020 18:26

Bit of a cross post with @Mummyyyyyyyyyy there - similar anxiety

EmpressoftheMundane · 07/06/2020 18:34

You are a human being. You need to eat to survive. Your husband has never lived in your body. He has never grown a baby. He knows sweet fuck all and he is completely arrogant to be anything other than supportive.

He should realise that he has a lot to lose here.

JingsMahBucket · 07/06/2020 18:38

@LizzieVereker

Kill him and eat him.
Great praying mantis advice columnist reference! 😂
Localocal · 07/06/2020 18:41

Food shaming is inexcusable. You need to stop him every time he does it, so he learns how often he is doing this to you. Every time he gives you a look or a remark, just calmly say "stop policing what I eat." Every time. You don't have to have a blowup every time, just put up the hand consistently until, like a toddler, he changes his behaviour.

And you have to stop talking about your weight/diet/food. I'm sure he thinks he has a right to point out your "lapses" because you are making your weight/diet his problem by complaining about it. So don't talk about your weight or any weight loss plans. Tell him dieting is not a priority for you right now, you are not going to worry about it any more, and he doesn't need to "help" you by commenting on what you eat. Then you can privately do whatever you want - diet, don't diet, it's up to you. It's your body, not his, and you can't stop eating. Don't let him ruin the pleasure of eating for you. You have the power to stop this.

RachelGreen5 · 07/06/2020 18:43

I had my youngest 10 months ago and still not lost all the weight! If DP did this to me he’d of got the remainder of my meal tipped over his head! What a wanker!

Mmpip · 07/06/2020 18:45

I agree with 'hammeringinmyhead'. He's a fuckin wanker and I'd 'turn the table's' big style and see how he likes it.....

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 07/06/2020 18:45

The key to most issues is communication. Tell him how hurt you feel by his behaviour and ask him to support you. He really needs to be more empathetic towards you having a baby only 6 months ago.
If you want to lose weight try to work together by planning meals. It's horrible to offer you a takeaway and then mock you for eating it.

Destroyedpeople · 07/06/2020 18:48

Honestly stop talking about your weight to him as well. I mean Yeh he is a twat but don't feed it.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy going on and on about our weight all the fucking time.
I agree with @Guineapigbridge

Amixedbunch · 07/06/2020 18:49

Sounds like a horrible twat !!! That has made me so angry. Do not accept that OP

Kelp23 · 07/06/2020 18:52

I'd stick to a healthy weight loss plan.. make yourself look totally fabulous and then leave him in for a younger model 😂

CherryStoneTree · 07/06/2020 19:01

He really isn’t a nice person and that’s not a supportive thing to do and he’s trying to undermine you all the time.

Diva66 · 07/06/2020 19:04

He’s probably having an affair.

Greenpolkadot · 07/06/2020 19:11

He should be supporting you not taking the piss. Nasty bastard

Attitude84 · 07/06/2020 19:12

Tell the cheeky bastard that you can’t survive on Fresh air. I’d also tell him where to shove his babyish imitations, impressions and snide remarks. What an arsehole. You deserve better xx

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 07/06/2020 19:13

He’s probably having an affair

How is that helpful to the OP?! @Diva66 Hmm

Diva66 · 07/06/2020 19:19

I’m serious! He’s giving out the signs.

glennamy · 07/06/2020 19:22

This reply has been deleted

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devildeepbluesea · 07/06/2020 19:27

@loreleigilmore28 sometimes MN makes me really sad to realise that there are so many women settling for nasty, abusive wankers as partners. Your thread is one of these. I'm sure as you say he can be really nice at times but this isn't like a bank account or weighing scales. Nice actions don't cancel out obnoxious, cruel and abusive ones.

And I'm really not understanding the relevance of his size 8 mother. Is she your clone?

Samtsirch · 07/06/2020 19:27

You are so obviously a well adjusted and happy individual glennamy.

DareDevil223 · 07/06/2020 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

roarfeckingroar · 07/06/2020 19:30

Oh wow he brought out "feminazi". Always a sign of a well rounded MRS shit stain.

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