DH won't let me relax when I'm eating

[loreleigilmore28]

I had my second baby in December and this time around I've struggled to lose the weight I gained (probably gained more than I should in pregnancy anyway)

DH hasn't really said anything about it
apart from when I've mentioned that it's getting me down he'll say "oh well do something about it then". He won't give me sympathy but that's fine I do need a bit of a push to action.

However he's been really pissing me off about eating. Whenever, and I mean whenever, he sees me eating, even my regular meals not even snacks, he always raises an eyebrow or smirls and says "so much for the diet". It takes the enjoyment out of me eating anything at all.

Last night he rang me on his way home, quite late, kids in bed... he's getting a take away, do I want something. So I said yes please that sounds nice the usual etc...

So he comes home but then when I'm dishing mine out ( in a normal manner) he goes 'oh look at you, you cant wait'... I ignore him.
Then when I'm eating he does an impression of me eating like an exaggerated mouth stuffed "nom mom nom".

So I just went mad, told him why did he bring it if he just planned to mock me for eating it, and he'd ruined the meal for me. I put it on the side and went upstairs.
But then hes kicked off for me being rude and respectful but I'd literally had enough.
He went to work this morning still in a mood but I'm not placating him or apologising for kicking off like I usually would because I really think I've had enough.
Aibu?

OP,

You need to tell him everything you wrote in your OP.

Tell him that commenting on wanting to lose weight does not give him licence to become the food police and bully you.

Tell him you snapped and yelled and you wish you had told him directly before you boiled over.

But now you have told him directly you expect him to listen and not do any more critical commenting on your eating.

And don’t stand for crap about banter.

It might help to tell him that as you bore the physical brunt of bearing his children he might like to consider being empathetic, constructive and supportive, and that food shaming a post natal woman is pretty misogynistic.

You usually apologise?

BarboreJacket it's lucky you can live with being a dick.

He bought her a take away so that he could mock and taunt her while she ate it. That isn't touching a nerve that's deliberate cruel premeditated bullying, no matter what she weighs or how she feels about it.

You are either being deliberately obtuse or are genuinely unable to think through situations.

Nobody hates small and slender people, they dislike people who completely unnecessary write "I'm tiny" to a woman being taunted about her weight by the father of her 6 month old baby. This isn't about you, nobody cares what you weigh and declaring that you weigh 7 stone was never going to be helpful or relevant to someone in the OP's position unless you'd followed it up with an anecdote about a close family member bullying you in the same way despite being "tiny". As it is your post can only come across as a mix of gloating and schadenfreude.

He sounds awful OP.
I had a baby just before you and I have some weight to lose but really don't see how I can even bear to during lockdown. If my DH was like yours, I'd feel desperately depressed because he's acting like he's trying to help you but he's not because he's offering you takeaways and then mocking you for eating it!!

If he really cared and wanted to support you to lose weight because YOU want to, then he could join in and cook you a healthy meal and not have takeaways himself. He could ask you how you would like to lose the weight and then find some meal ideas. He could suggest a nice long walk. He's being a real nasty piece of work.

I don't know how you get past that nastiness to be honest.

[quote Dougalthesyrianhamster]@BarboreJacket 7 stone is not healthy for any adult, 5 foot or not!

You sound like you have massive eating issues[/quote]
It really is. No eating issues, but I am tiny all round. My mum is well under 5 foot and is equally tiny. Please don't tell me I'm abnormal.

Your husband is a twat.

@Supermedium Don't worry - MN can bully me for being small and skinny. I don't need anyone else to do it.

I asked the OP if she was happy with being the way she is. If she is happy, her husband should fuck off and take his takeaways with him. If she isn't, she should take action. Either way, it's about her, and not about what he wants or thinks.

@BarboreJacket Gosh, you are so much better than all of us.

Your DH is a CH. Cunty husband.

BarboreJacket is a bit of a smug git, but she is right - she's right at the bottom end of the healthy range for her height.

The smuggery and lack of empathy isn't pretty, though.

No I'm not. However, I am happy with the way I am, and any man who wanted me to either lose or put on weight and mocked me could fuck off. If, however, I had put on weight and my husband made stupid passive aggressive comments, I would have to decide: do I care what I look like? If not, he's a dick and should be told this. If yes, he might have a point, and I need to do something about it.

Having a baby is not a reason to put on weight. Though if you are happy with this, that's a completely different matter. The only thing that matters is whether you are happy or not with the way you are.

BarboreJacket is a healthy BMI, and if people weren't so blinded by their own issues they'd see she's actually being sympathetic to OP.

Thanks, @ExtraSyllable. The 'healthy' range goes up to about 9 stone for someone of my height - but that encompasses all sorts of shapes and sizes. I have no bum, no tits, nothing. My wrists are so small that I can get my fingers round them with acres of space spare. However, someone could be the same height as me but differently built, which would mean that 9 stone would be right for them.

The only thing that has ever mattered to me is whether I am happy with the way I am. The same should be true of the OP.

I gained four stone in pregnancy and still, after seventeen months, have a stone to lose. It took me nine months to even think about losing weight seriously because I was exhausted as my DD was not (and still isn't) a sleeper!

My DH has been supportive and encouraging throughout, looking after the baby while I went out for exercise. If he had acted like your DH I most definitely would not be apologising to him and would be having a long hard think about what type of man I had married.

He's an arse isn't he. What a horrible thing to do. I think I'd be turned it back on him - time for some exercise - here's the DC(s). I'd be siliently planning an escape and a self-preservation fund.

Thanks for your replies :)
He isn't home from work yet so I don't have an update on if he's still got his attitude but I feel better anyway.

DH does have many great qualities and i generally feel great and very loved but this thing he has about my weight gain/ snarky comments when I'm eating is becoming a problem.
For context I'm 5'10 and a size 16 so whilst I want to lose the weight I put on, he makes me feel like a human blimp and I'm not. But I have lost confidence and I do want to get back to how I was.
I think in his way hes trying to remind me to diet but I just cannot take the way he is doing it and I dont think anyway loses weight this way.

Fyi I get absolutely no where blaming baby weight because his mum has 5, yes 5, and has always been a size 8.

A lot of people bullying BarboreJacket now because she dared to say she was 7st. She was making the point that you can get bullied no matter what you weigh. That it's not about the OPs size. This is not about weight. The weight was just a vehicle for him to take the opportunity to take a pop at her. It gives him a 'reason'. A way in to hurt her. The fact that it is sustained over time is worrying. It wasn't just a once off mood with an apology the same day.

Fair enough Barbore, at 5ft, 7st is fine, but you completely missed the point, I'm slim, I don't pop on the weight loss threads to offer some of my excellent words of wisdom. Likewise I don't go on the threads about abusive relationships to explain how great mine is. It's not about weight or weight loss, it's about having a really unpleasant individual as a husband.

Size 8, size 16, tiny blah blah. Its so sad. We a re more than a number on a set of scales.

You have just grown another human being OP.

In some cultures you would be revered and worshipped.

What an eejit.

no Barbor said she was tiny, gained weight during pregnancy and then lost it, making her somehow morally superior.

She will, however at that weight, be excluded from donating blood should she wish. What does that tell you?

What a fucking idiot.

Until he's grown a wain in his belly and then given birth to it, he needs to shut his trap.

He can go stay with his size 8 mum.

Was he expecting you to order a smaller amount to stick with the diet? It sounds like he has serious issues around your change of appearance like shallow hal.

You're tall OP, a size 16 isn't huge at your height. Regardless, his comments are disgusting. If DH gained a load of weight and I knew it was troubling him I'm not sure what I'd do if I'm being completely honest, but I certainly wouldn't behave in the way your DH is, it's just horrible and dehumanising.

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here.

He isn't the one who has been complaining about your weight. You are. It's tiresome and frustrating to have to listen when someone repeatedly complains about a problem they're actively making worse.

That said, mocking you is an unkind and totally unnecessary way of shutting down that conversation, no matter how frustrated he is. He shouldn't be doing that. A simple "I'm sorry, but your weight management is your business and I don't want to discuss this anymore." would do. Also, whilst it's ultimately your decision as to whether or nor you eat calorie laden food such as takeaways, he is either being stupid or mean thing to put temptation in your way.

You should probably just both agree that your weight and your eating is no longer a topic for discussion. If there are other signs that he is spiteful, then you have some thinking to do.

If you do go ahead and try to do something about your weight, only if you feel you want to obviously, you absolutely can do it and I sincerely wish you well.