I can give you a similar example from my relationship.
For quite a few years I expected my DH to do certain ‘couply’ things with me - visits to new places, a day trip to a town or city, going out and about and just seeing and experiencing new things. It never worked out very well - it’s likely that he’s got very high-functioning ASD and he just cannot stand crowds and loud noises and too much stimulation, he feels ill and gets stressed and I get stressed too because I’m trying to manage his reactions. We had a big bust up about a year ago after a day out that got very heated and very upsetting for both of us.
After a few days of really suffering (we both hate it when we argue and it takes a while to come back from it) we had a good long talk and both spoke in depth about our relevant perspectives (we’d talked about it before but only skirting over it, really) and came to an understanding of what we each wanted and needed from each other. He suggested that I go out by myself, on a trip to one of my favourite cities, and the very next day, that’s what I did.
The difference was palpable. Omg. I could walk, and think, and take things in, without feeling stressed. I noticed something that I’d pretty much forgotten - that I absolutely love hustle and bustle, the buzz of crowds and even the discordance of music from various points. It doesn’t bother me, in fact it feeds my soul in a way that not much else does. But it was extremely unfair of me to expect that all these things should automatically be pleasurable for my DH, too. They’re not, in fact they’re very difficult for him to endure. And I hadn’t fully appreciated that.
I loved all of it. I loved sitting for an hour or so having lunch and reading my book at an outside table, and people watching, I loved travelling in on the train, and travelling back and having a gin & tonic to round off the day. And I loved it all so much because I was doing it by myself.
So I’ve accepted that this one thing is something I’m going to have to do on my own. We do lots of other ‘couply’ things together.
The big difference, though, is that he doesn’t bring me down by being mean or miserly or self-righteous. He is generous, and always wants me to be happy. He wouldn’t ever want to rob of me of joy. If I told him (and I have) that what he’s doing is making me sad and taking pleasure out of my lovely life, he’d listen, take note, and try not to do it.
He saves, he is very financially astute and he doesn’t have much of an appetite for stuff. So he’s very different to me - I, like you, definitely appreciate the finer things in life and am a bit of a magpie. I love good food and wine (luckily he’s with me on that otherwise I’d never have ended up with him!), I adore collecting pretty things and I don’t believe in denying myself or depriving myself unnecessarily- as far as I’m concerned I’m alive now and I want to enjoy myself to the full. I appreciate that there’s a good balance in our relationship, he’s the saver and the one who pulls me back from being too silly. But he’d never, ever try to police what I can get enjoyment out of, nor within reason, what I spend on. Our relationship works well in all aspects because we are equals.